Tired

[The Rabbi]

As you read this please remember No I am not suicidal. I need prayers and positive energy as I fight through being tired of life. At 46 I look around and realize I am a sole survivor of all those I worked hand in hand with throughout my work life. Those that I could turn to too help make things happen have crossed over and I feel as if I stand alone against the world. The very first man I ever worked for who introduced me to an audience and the power of performing Big John Strong is the Ringmaster of The Heavens and i can gauruntee its the Grandest Show in a Big Top. My Granpa who introduced me to the big trucks has been on a different highway for many years now. Leroy whom I owned my first store with has closed the door on the 24/7 and probably still shakes his head when someone wants a twinkie. The list could go on for a very long time and there would be no one on this side. I am so tired of fighting to make things happen with no chance to stand down. I am no longer living life but merely existing serving no purpose but to occuppy space. Thanks for any energy and positive thoughts as at this time if i was to no longer be here it would be no loss.

[Rowan MacD]

  Protection candle is lit, my friend.
  You are not alone.  Not ever.

Blessing and strength,

~Rowen

[Jade Sapphire Emerald]

Rabbi,
Please remember that you have all of us. We share your interests, your faire addiction, your enjoyment of fun. We are here, together, because without each other, life would be boring for all of us.

You always have your fairemily, no matter what. (>^.^)> <(^.^<) HUGS!

-Jade

[Xantrawler]

As we travel the weary road we call life many travel the path with us. Some start the path with us, but never finish, others join us on the way. Those that join us will vary with their time at our side. Others come and teach us. Others come and learn with us. Yet there will be those who will come and learn from us. You have entered the years of your path where those who have taught you have moved on and those who have learned with you are departing. Now those who need your words of wisdom, or your tender touch, or your friendship are joining your path.
Look around. You will find  you have more to offer than you know. You have been given great gifts by the creator of us all and those whose journey has intersected yours. Take what you have learned, cherish what you have been given and spread the gift that is you.  It is a hard time you go through, but your path will lead you through this dark forest of despair to the glow of renewal. As you surround yourself with the new, the pain of the loss of the old will lessen. As you share tales of the old with the new their lives will come alive.
I speak from the heart on this, for I have trodden this same path. It was only a year ago that I had discovered all that care for me, cared for what I have done, for what I am. So too you will find there are many who care for you for what you are. You can count me as one. For having the courage to come forth and bare your soul to strangers, I respect you. For your enduring belief in life and unwillingness to end it before its time, I respect you. For the years you have put forth to entertain and lighten the world of the common man, I respect you. For the man who stands behind the handle the Rabbi, I respect you.

May you find the peace you are looking for, and never fear to call upon me or the others on here that are willing to call you friend.
Xantrawler

[Rani Zemirah]

I'm praying that you will rediscover the joy of living in a world filled with wonder... and see with fresh eyes each day the many wonders which you, yourself, have a hand in creating. 

[Merlin the Elder]

One thing you have to keep in mind, good Rabbi, is that there is a circle to life. I lost a lot of friends and family early in my life, from one tragedy or another.  Those that pass before us, we have to keep in our hearts. I think about some of them and how much I miss them, and have come to tears on numerous occasions. When that happens, I try to visualize some of the fun things we did together, the funny things they did with their eyes, or the animated way they would tell a silly joke. By doing so, no one ever goes completely away.

My dad spent two years declining in health after being found with a tumor. They never exactly identified it, but we knew what the eventual outcome would be. Having the time to spend with him in preparation was good...we don't always have the luxury. He never complained of the pain, and he was fully prepared himself. It allowed me to prepare myself as well. When the time came, I think it was welcomed. His suffering could be over.

I was with Pappy about 30 minutes before he died. Before I got home (20 minutes away), Mom had called the house, and we headed back. I patted his hand, kiss his forehead, and told him again, that I loved him. Then I went out to the fence around the paddock and had a short cry. I miss him terribly, but I had him until he was nearly 86. If he hadn't smoked unfiltered cigarettes for 71 years, I might have had him even longer. But, he knew it, and I know it...it's part of the circle.

These was one thing that Pappy's impending death did do to me. I started trying to make contact with people I hadn't heard from or seen in many years, people that at one time truly meant something to me...some of those that join me on the path. You've heard that "you can never go back?" There is, unfortunately, some truth in that. Some of those I contacted didn't share my excitement of talking again. We'd both changed so much that there just wasn't any common ground anymore.

On the other hand, one of the people that we go to Scarby with, I have know since I was about 5 years old—about 55 years! I treasure her and her friendship, and I do a handful of others. I know and care for a lot of people though, and am saddened for each that I lose, but I know it's inevitable.

It's not a bad thing to get hurt when you lose someone along the path. It's just proof that you are a good enough person to know and care about others.  I am sending my positive energies in your direction to help you through this. I hope you will feel it wrap around you.

[The Rabbi]

Many thanks and much gratitude for the energy and positive thoughts. Still fighting the funk of depression however my energy level is much better and I do not feel completely drained. I have not found much that I wanted to do that I have not done and am very fortunate in this. The down side is finding what to do next. I am a firm believer that to be truly alive one must have dreams and desires and I am at this point lacking in both. at least now i have some energy to find that something to reach for. Thanks

[Xantrawler]

You will find what you need to fill the void. For now, look at this as a time of rest, a time for your energies to be recharged. You are on the cusp, ready for the challenges that will be presented to you. As for dreams, we all have them and need them. Use this time to reflect back upon your younger years. Search for dreams long forgotten. You may find your life taking you in directions never expected. I will continue my prayers to you and send you the energy you need. I know yo will find your way and step forth an energized man ready to take on the new challenges of the day.