Unappreciative Receivers of items

[isabelladangelo]

...I asked around my office and this is what I heard:
  Apparently the engagement ring is supposed to represent the grooms' intention to provide material support to the bride to be ...

Well, there you have it in a nutshell. It's no longer about love, it's all about "what can you do for me." Have we really gotten that selfish?

Yep.  This is a very convenient (for the bride) hold over from a bygone era.    
  Engagement rings are a very old fashioned, pre-suffragette custom that have been retained to this day simply because it is profitable for the jewelry industry and a way to further the brides' social status, and provide bragging rights to the groom: Huge Rock=Manhunt Win.  However, we sugar coat it to mean: Huge rock=Huge love.    
Certainly, a simple $200 promise ring (my hubby gave me a Claddagh) serves the same purpose of announcing that a woman is engaged, but does not impress her friends and family like a $5K rock.  
 Most women today have their own money and careers, and they don't need the 'dower padding' of a huge diamond in their jewelry box in case the hubby passes on or divorces them, making their future matrimonial prospects less than ideal.  

Actually, the engagement ring in it's current form is from WWII (ie, not a hold over from a bygone era, really).  It was an advertising campaign by the jewelry industry to force a demand on diamonds.  Before that, it could have been anything -or not even a ring!  If anything at all was given.  In some places in Europe, it's still customary to not give a ring until the marriage ceremony.  The Claddagh is the Irish version of the Italian Fede ring which is the customary wedding band still in certain parts of Italy. 

[Rowan MacD]

   That's also what my husband said.  He does not like to buy diamonds because he does not believe that the gemstone trade is truly 'conflict free' regardless of the ads by the mining companies.      Diamonds are not all that rare, but the industry carefully controls what is available on the market to keep prices high.
 

[BLAKDUKE]

G.G.G.O.G.G.G.
Translation: Great Green Gobs Of Gooey Gopher Guts.

I did not think that kind of snide a$$hole still existed.  Tell them to get bent and their attitude with them

It is perfectly proper to let them know where the bear $hit$ in the buckwheat.

[Kate XXXXXX]

I have two dressing gowns.  One is a light summery effort, made from a bit of spare and not terribly pretty polycotton sheeting.  The other is dark green fleece.  Both were made by Big Sis, a fair few years back, when she was finally learning to sew.  The green one has one cuff a little bigger than the other.

She is mortified that I still wear them regularly!  They work, and she made them for me.  Why would I do anything else? I think of her with great affection when I wear them.

When the GMNT was a baby cherub, a cousin of mine knitted him a lace shawl.  I love that shawl.  It was a beautiful item and a fabulous thing for her to do for my baby.  And one of his grandmothers knitted several things for him, which were lovely too.  I was sad when he outgrew them.  They were so much nicer than anything you could buy!

Here in the UK there is no such thing as a baby shower.  My great niece will get a nice baby bag I made, complete with changing mat, and a couple of little dresses and (eventually!) a patchwork quilt.  I know her parents will appreciate them.  And I don't care if the quilt gets dragged through the mud: so long as it gets used, that's just fine!

[Lady Renee Buchanan]

[/quote]
  Yep.  This is a very convenient (for the bride) hold over from a bygone era.    
  Engagement rings are a very old fashioned, pre-suffragette custom that have been retained to this day simply because it is profitable for the jewelry industry and a way to further the brides' social status, and provide bragging rights to the groom: Huge Rock=Manhunt Win.  However, we sugar coat it to mean: Huge rock=Huge love.    
Certainly, a simple $200 promise ring (my hubby gave me a Claddagh) serves the same purpose of announcing that a woman is engaged, but does not impress her friends and family like a $5K rock.  
 Most women today have their own money and careers, and they don't need the 'dower padding' of a huge diamond in their jewelry box in case the hubby passes on or divorces them, making their future matrimonial prospects less than ideal.  


[/quote]

Steve and I have been married for over 32 years.  When his original wedding ring broke for the nth time 6 years ago & couldn't be fixed (he's a left handed chef, and the continual use of knives wore the gold away in too many places to keep repairing), I bought him a Celtic pewter ring from Ebay.  Cost:  $12.  And he loves it.  So the price of the ring really shouldn't matter, it's the love that is important. It's sad people don't see that.

[wyckdblyss]

Ok, so I am just reading this and I must say that anyone who would openly ridicule a handmade gift needs to be slapped! When my son was born two of the most cherished gifts I received were handmade balnkets. We still have them and they are in my sons keepsake box right now. He loves both of them, which is the reason they are currently put up...he loves them too much...lol
Anytime someone puts time and love into making something for you or your child, it should be appreciated. Had I been in the gift givers shoes I would have walked up, taken the gift and told them all what they could do with it. People just do not have manners these days...

[LadyStitch]

I did want to say the hand made baby outfit I made for my coworker's shower on Friday went over REALLY well. She loved it.  He won't be able to wear it till next summer, but that is the way I planned it. 
She is getting him some little socks and boots to go with it.  That way he has this whole geman litterhosen thing going on.  Very happy mom to be there.
Granted the next question was, "And how many outfits have you made for your kid?"
"Um.. you mean in total or this week?" 

[Lady Gryphon]

Some people are poorly raised, that's all I have to say on the matter of the ill mannered comments and rejects of your friends gift.

Hand made gifts have been in my family for ages.  I've made quilts, crochet blankets, and clothes, for nieces, nephews, and friends, all have been well received.  That is just plain rudeness on their part.  If it wasn't for handmade clothes, I would have gone to school naked.  My aunt and mother made all my clothes, and when they thought we were old enough they taught us to sew also. 

I've made Lord Dragon a couple of things and he loves them.  I don't know what was going through their head. but someone ought to send them a book of manners.

As for the spoiled Brat.  My son locked his aunts grand daughter out of the  wirer-less system because she refused to say please.  She thought it was beneath her.  She whined and complained, all her mother and grandmother asked was "Did you say please?" when she said she wouldn't then they told her she got what she deserved. 

Anyone wants to make me a quilt I'll gush all over you. 

[LadyStitch]

The biggest insult I have gotten in regards to my sewing was from a family member. . One summer I made a scarp quilt for a SIL (come to think of it, it is the same SIL who had the kid issue) 
Anyway, I gave it to her for Christmas/Birthday that year.  She oo'd and ah'd over it, then stood up and said, "I'm putting this in my closet.  It is too nice actually use."
She didn't understand why I was upset with her for a long while.  It wasn't until a coworker asked about it that my SIL realized why I was so hacked at her. The co worker told her the biggest insult to a quilter, is to have a piece you made to be used, to be locked away and un used.  My SIL called me that night and appologized.  Granted I asked her about the quilt last winter and she said it was again locked in a closet because she didn't want her kids getting it messed up.  Some people never learn..../sigh

On the other hand, growing up I a quilt I played on, slept with, made tents out of, loved literally to pieces.  It was so thread bare from being loved that my grandfather finally had to toss it.  It broke his heart to do it because his mother had made it for him back in 1930-40's.  When I asked him about it he said "Yes I'm sad it is damaged, but mum would have preferred it be used and loved instead of locked in a cedar chest." That stuck with me. 
When I was 15 or 16 now making quilts of my own my grandfather's baby brother was slowly dying of lung cancer.  He always treated me like his little niece, and was always good to me. He was now living with his oldest daughter. She felt bad that his room got cold in the winter.  He would say, "It's alright. Growing up I would just snuggle under one of my mum's quilts and I'd sleep happily."
Hearing that hurt because he needed the quilt I had "ruined". So I made him one. It was hand tied just like his old one was.  I sent him a hand made letter telling him, if this quilt was to be used by him, and anyone who needed it.  If I ever found out it was locked in a closet somewhere I'd kick someone's back side. It could never replace the quilt that his mum made, but this one was made with just as much love. 
He only used it for 3 years before he died. His youngest daughter wanted the quilt put into a cedar chest. The daughter he lived with put her foot down saying, "This is Dad's quilt. He would kick our backsides if we packed it away."  To this day that quilt is much faded, but his great grand children use it to make forts out of.  When they nap, they use it.  When someone is sick, they wrap up in it.  My original letter to him is framed on the wall with a photo of us together.  His daughter has always said that should the quilt ever fall apart she will send the tatters back to me so that I can use the pieces to make a new "Dad's Quilt". 

[Rogue Hidesmith]

When I was 15 or 16 now making quilts of my own my grandfather's baby brother was slowly dying of lung cancer.  He always treated me like his little niece, and was always good to me. He was now living with his oldest daughter. She felt bad that his room got cold in the winter.  He would say, "It's alright. Growing up I would just snuggle under one of my mum's quilts and I'd sleep happily."
Hearing that hurt because he needed the quilt I had "ruined". So I made him one. It was hand tied just like his old one was.  I sent him a hand made letter telling him, if this quilt was to be used by him, and anyone who needed it.  If I ever found out it was locked in a closet somewhere I'd kick someone's back side. It could never replace the quilt that his mum made, but this one was made with just as much love. 
He only used it for 3 years before he died. His youngest daughter wanted the quilt put into a cedar chest. The daughter he lived with put her foot down saying, "This is Dad's quilt. He would kick our backsides if we packed it away."  To this day that quilt is much faded, but his great grand children use it to make forts out of.  When they nap, they use it.  When someone is sick, they wrap up in it.  My original letter to him is framed on the wall with a photo of us together.  His daughter has always said that should the quilt ever fall apart she will send the tatters back to me so that I can use the pieces to make a new "Dad's Quilt". 

It's posts like this that make me wish everything on the internet had a "Like" button

[Lady Rebecca]

LadyStitch, your story reminded me so much of the book The Keeping Quilt by Patricia Polacco. If you've never read it, then I think you should. http://www.amazon.com/Keeping-Quilt-Patricia-Polacco/dp/0689844476

And I agree - quilts are meant to be used. My mom made my brother and I quilts when we were in elementary school (and she's never been into sewing). Mine was made out of antique handkerchiefs which we collected from garage sales and thrift and antique stores over at least a year. I helped pick them all out, then she sewed them together and backed it and made a quilt out of it. That quilt stayed on my bed for probably 6 to 7 years, with my mom patching up and/or replacing any handkerchiefs that tore, until it was really in too bad a state to use anymore. I think now it's probably living in a box somewhere, but it definitely had a good life while I was growing up.

[cymberrain]

you know it's so funny, growing up in my family hand made things were so highly prized that I have actually felt guilty for buying someone something and not taking the time to make something handmade. I can't even fathom such an ungrateful reaction

[Dinobabe]

On the other hand, growing up I a quilt I played on, slept with, made tents out of, loved literally to pieces.  It was so thread bare from being loved that my grandfather finally had to toss it.  It broke his heart to do it because his mother had made it for him back in 1930-40's.  When I asked him about it he said "Yes I'm sad it is damaged, but mum would have preferred it be used and loved instead of locked in a cedar chest." That stuck with me.  
When I was 15 or 16 now making quilts of my own my grandfather's baby brother was slowly dying of lung cancer.  He always treated me like his little niece, and was always good to me. He was now living with his oldest daughter. She felt bad that his room got cold in the winter.  He would say, "It's alright. Growing up I would just snuggle under one of my mum's quilts and I'd sleep happily."
Hearing that hurt because he needed the quilt I had "ruined". So I made him one. It was hand tied just like his old one was.  I sent him a hand made letter telling him, if this quilt was to be used by him, and anyone who needed it.  If I ever found out it was locked in a closet somewhere I'd kick someone's back side. It could never replace the quilt that his mum made, but this one was made with just as much love.  
He only used it for 3 years before he died. His youngest daughter wanted the quilt put into a cedar chest. The daughter he lived with put her foot down saying, "This is Dad's quilt. He would kick our backsides if we packed it away."  To this day that quilt is much faded, but his great grand children use it to make forts out of.  When they nap, they use it.  When someone is sick, they wrap up in it.  My original letter to him is framed on the wall with a photo of us together.  His daughter has always said that should the quilt ever fall apart she will send the tatters back to me so that I can use the pieces to make a new "Dad's Quilt".  

This actually made me cry a little.

I have a couple of quilts that my g-grandmother made.  They went with us to every picnic, drive-in movie, and road trip growing up.  They have held up very well to the abuse!  Now I use them when I do Civil War reenacting.  My mom said that g-grandma would be very proud.  I hope they last long enough for our child (and perhaps beyond) to spill on, drag, bundle, and abuse them!

[LadyStitch]

I had made the PP and I a quilt when we got married, but my grandmother was determined I should have a "proper" wedding quilt.  For years and years a quilt top that my grandmother's Great Aunt had made sat unused in my grandmother's cedar chest.  When the PP and I anounced our engagement she took it to a group of 5 ladies who every week day for 6 months hand quilted it. When they were done, my grandmother hand bound it.  That was her wedding gift to us.  Yes it is thinner than my "modern" one but it is far warmer.  When I went to NZ that is the quilt I took.  Of all the things that I wanted back from NZ when we had to leave, it was that item.  I got it back a year ago, and all winter it was on my bed.  Light wieght but warm.  When my niece and Nephew came to visit they used it as a pallet to sleep on.  And when fuzzlet get's here she will get to use it to. 
Yes quilts are very special.  which is why it breaks my heart to hear stories on other forums where they are not appreciated for what they are in the American heritage, most noteable as baby gifts.

[Adriana Rose]

We made a memory quilt for my grandparents a few years ago, they moved to Arizona so we dont see them often (compaired to the weekly that we had this friggen stinks)
We went trough all the photos that we had and copied them to iron on transfers and with all the photos we had on it we made a twin sized quilt! And that was with som major restrant on the photos. Granpa made a rack for it to hang up by their front door. That makes me very happy that its hung up. Oh and they are the envy of their neighbors for it too :-)