News:

Welcome to the Renaissancefestival.com Forums!  Please post an introduction after signing up!

For an updated map of Ren Fests check out The Ren List at http://www.therenlist.com!

The Chat server is now running again, just select chat on the menu!

Main Menu

In need of strength

Started by ladylissame, September 02, 2011, 08:05:10 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

ladylissame

My husband and I are separating. It is a trial separation for now. Why? For me, it is because he had the affair (while I was pregnant even), wants to maintain a friendship with her, and is continually lying to me so I cannot trust him. I know he has his own reasons, saying he has been unhappy for years (of which I can understand why because of my bipolar disorder), but that does not excuse the affair or lies.
Maybe this separation will help him put his head on straight, maybe it will just be a first step towards divorce. That remains to be seen.
In all honesty, I hope we work out. I want our marriage to work. But with every lie he tells, it seems less and less likely that it will.
I really need support. I am scared about what is going to happen. I'm scared that I am about to become a single mom. I'm scared that my marriage is falling apart. I'm scared that the person I relied on for so long isn't going to be there. I'm scared for my 1 month old son. Will I still be a good mommy to him? I can't seem to stop crying, but I know I need to try to be strong for him and for me. It just feels impossible.

Help.

Rowan MacD

What doesn't kill me-had better run.
IWG wench #3139 
19.7% FaireFolk pure-80.3% FaireFolk corrupt

arbcoind

I am so sorry you are having to go through all this.  I hope you find the strength to move forward.  Perhaps during the separation you will see things more clearly and not be so scared.

Gina

maeven

I'm so sorry to hear about all you are going through. *hugs* I pray that you will find the strength to get through this tough time.
*Short enough to not reach the pedals, tall enough for the rides at Six Flags!*

I'm splendid. That is all.

AHE 2013 RenNado Survivor

Merlin the Elder

Is counseling on the table? If not, I strongly urge you to try it. If possible, get a recommendation from someone who has gone through this. Not all counselors are good, like any profession.

Lies are tough. If you can't trust someone, it's nearly impossible to make a relationship/marriage work, but trust can be reestablished, with work.

Why do I recommend counseling? Because Nim and I went thru a tough period around the 13th year of marriage. I thank my lucky stars that she wanted it bad enough to fight for it...I was the one wanting out. We're now about to celebrate 40 years.

Marriage and relationships are not always easy, and not enough people are willing to go through the bad to get to the good. At this point in my life, I'm glad that we had the hard stretch. Without that, I may never have discovered just how much I love my wife, and I assure you, it's immeasurable.

Whatever the resolution you decide upon, we all offer our hugs and healing powers.
Living life in the slow lane
ROoL #116; the Jack of Daniels; AARP #7; SS# 000-00-0013
I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.
...and may all your babies be born naked...

ladylissame

We were actually in counseling last year, then again right after the affair. We stopped when our son was due so we did not need to cancel an appointment last minute. I have an appointment set for Thursday, whether he goes or not.

He is moving out tomorrow. He says he needs to try and find that spark for me again, and to figure out if he can stay faithful to me.

Magpie Flynn

Sending prayers your way.  One of my friends just went through a very similar situation. I hope it all works out for the best for you and the little one.

Betty Munro

Prayers for you and your wee babe.  You will be a good mom because that is obviously important to you.  You will find strength where you did not know it existed. 
Marriage vows include for better or worse.  Bipolor disorder does not give him the escuse to have an affair, he owns that weakness, it is not of your doing, do not take that weight to carry for him.
Being a husband and a father is not always easy.  Being a mother and a wife is not always easy either.  Walking away from one's family is rarely the best choice ... unless you hit him upside the head with a frying pan ...
You will survive this.  It might seem impossible at the moment, but you will come out the other side of this time in your life to find happiness again.
If you want reconciliation, then I am praying for that for you!

lady M

I will pray that you and your family get through this.

ladylissame

It has been several days since he moved out. Thursday was his first day with our son without me there. That day was harder on me than the move out day.
I have come to the realization that I do not actually NEED him in my life. I do still want him because I love him, but I don't need him. If he decides to end the marriage, then he will be missing out on a good thing and it will be HIS loss, not mine.
I do believe that if he can grow up and get his act together, he could be a great husband, and a great man (he already is a good father) and that he can regain the trust he has lost not only from me, but from friends too.

ladylissame

Last week, I caught him in another lie. I decided I had enough and confronted him (in his work parking lot which may not have been a good idea, but it needed to be done. At least I did it away from customers). I told him that he had to choose, her or his family. He had been lying about hanging out with her. He said "I want a divorce."

Merlin the Elder

Give him his wish, and you make sure to calculate very carefully, the child support.
Living life in the slow lane
ROoL #116; the Jack of Daniels; AARP #7; SS# 000-00-0013
I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.
...and may all your babies be born naked...

arbcoind

Quote from: ladylissame on October 22, 2011, 06:31:22 PMI told him that he had to choose, her or his family.

I think you are going to be better off without him.  Again, so sorry you have to deal with this.

Gina

Rowan MacD

Quote from: Merlin the Elder on October 22, 2011, 11:33:58 PM
Give him his wish, and you make sure to calculate very carefully, the child support.
Oh yes, make sure he takes care of his obligations, and takes care of them to the greatest extent possible.  Then put this behind you and carry on, life lessons are hard sometimes, but always valuable.



What doesn't kill me-had better run.
IWG wench #3139 
19.7% FaireFolk pure-80.3% FaireFolk corrupt

ladylissame

It has been a few months since and I must say that I am doing great. I am happy and my son is growing so fast. It is amazing how much better I feel without that stress in my life :)