In need of strength

[ladylissame]

My husband and I are separating. It is a trial separation for now. Why? For me, it is because he had the affair (while I was pregnant even), wants to maintain a friendship with her, and is continually lying to me so I cannot trust him. I know he has his own reasons, saying he has been unhappy for years (of which I can understand why because of my bipolar disorder), but that does not excuse the affair or lies.
Maybe this separation will help him put his head on straight, maybe it will just be a first step towards divorce. That remains to be seen.
In all honesty, I hope we work out. I want our marriage to work. But with every lie he tells, it seems less and less likely that it will.
I really need support. I am scared about what is going to happen. I'm scared that I am about to become a single mom. I'm scared that my marriage is falling apart. I'm scared that the person I relied on for so long isn't going to be there. I'm scared for my 1 month old son. Will I still be a good mommy to him? I can't seem to stop crying, but I know I need to try to be strong for him and for me. It just feels impossible.

Help.

[Rowan MacD]

 *hugs* 

[arbcoind]

I am so sorry you are having to go through all this.  I hope you find the strength to move forward.  Perhaps during the separation you will see things more clearly and not be so scared.

Gina

[maeven]

I'm so sorry to hear about all you are going through. *hugs* I pray that you will find the strength to get through this tough time.

[Merlin the Elder]

Is counseling on the table? If not, I strongly urge you to try it. If possible, get a recommendation from someone who has gone through this. Not all counselors are good, like any profession.

Lies are tough. If you can't trust someone, it's nearly impossible to make a relationship/marriage work, but trust can be reestablished, with work.

Why do I recommend counseling? Because Nim and I went thru a tough period around the 13th year of marriage. I thank my lucky stars that she wanted it bad enough to fight for it...I was the one wanting out. We're now about to celebrate 40 years.

Marriage and relationships are not always easy, and not enough people are willing to go through the bad to get to the good. At this point in my life, I'm glad that we had the hard stretch. Without that, I may never have discovered just how much I love my wife, and I assure you, it's immeasurable.

Whatever the resolution you decide upon, we all offer our hugs and healing powers.

[ladylissame]

We were actually in counseling last year, then again right after the affair. We stopped when our son was due so we did not need to cancel an appointment last minute. I have an appointment set for Thursday, whether he goes or not.

He is moving out tomorrow. He says he needs to try and find that spark for me again, and to figure out if he can stay faithful to me.

[Magpie Flynn]

Sending prayers your way.  One of my friends just went through a very similar situation. I hope it all works out for the best for you and the little one.

[Betty Munro]

Prayers for you and your wee babe.  You will be a good mom because that is obviously important to you.  You will find strength where you did not know it existed. 
Marriage vows include for better or worse.  Bipolor disorder does not give him the escuse to have an affair, he owns that weakness, it is not of your doing, do not take that weight to carry for him.
Being a husband and a father is not always easy.  Being a mother and a wife is not always easy either.  Walking away from one's family is rarely the best choice ... unless you hit him upside the head with a frying pan ...
You will survive this.  It might seem impossible at the moment, but you will come out the other side of this time in your life to find happiness again.
If you want reconciliation, then I am praying for that for you!

[lady M]

I will pray that you and your family get through this.

[ladylissame]

It has been several days since he moved out. Thursday was his first day with our son without me there. That day was harder on me than the move out day.
I have come to the realization that I do not actually NEED him in my life. I do still want him because I love him, but I don't need him. If he decides to end the marriage, then he will be missing out on a good thing and it will be HIS loss, not mine.
I do believe that if he can grow up and get his act together, he could be a great husband, and a great man (he already is a good father) and that he can regain the trust he has lost not only from me, but from friends too.

[ladylissame]

Last week, I caught him in another lie. I decided I had enough and confronted him (in his work parking lot which may not have been a good idea, but it needed to be done. At least I did it away from customers). I told him that he had to choose, her or his family. He had been lying about hanging out with her. He said "I want a divorce."

[Merlin the Elder]

Give him his wish, and you make sure to calculate very carefully, the child support.

[arbcoind]

I told him that he had to choose, her or his family.

I think you are going to be better off without him.  Again, so sorry you have to deal with this.

Gina

[Rowan MacD]

Give him his wish, and you make sure to calculate very carefully, the child support.

Oh yes, make sure he takes care of his obligations, and takes care of them to the greatest extent possible.  Then put this behind you and carry on, life lessons are hard sometimes, but always valuable.

[ladylissame]

It has been a few months since and I must say that I am doing great. I am happy and my son is growing so fast. It is amazing how much better I feel without that stress in my life

[Merlin the Elder]

That's really good to hear. Those curtain-climbers do tend to grow in a hurry! 

[Alerrick Afon Adou]

You are doing Great. It gets easier in time. I  left with my 14month old baby girl and never looked back. That was 12 years ago. My kiddo is 14 now.  I couldn`t be happier with the loving wife I have now. My kid is happy and loved by us all. Just be strong. Dont rush into anything, the right thing will come along and you will know when it does. There are men out there who will treat you and your child like they should. Keep your head up and look to the stars.

[maeven]

It has been a few months since and I must say that I am doing great. I am happy and my son is growing so fast. It is amazing how much better I feel without that stress in my life

So glad to hear! Keep on keeping on!

[arbcoind]

Ladylissame,  I am so glad you are doing better and feeling much less stress!

Gina

[LissaRoisin]

I realized I never updated you wonderful people.
Our divorce was finalized May 7th, 2012.
We are getting along and co-parent well for our almost 18 month old son. I think it helps that we only see each other about 15 minutes a week!
I am still currently single, but doing very well. I found a strength in me I had forgotten about.
My son is thriving as well.
Thank you all for your support. It gas meant the world to me

[arbcoind]

Lissa, thanks for the update.  It's so good to see you doing better. 

Gina

[Rowan MacD]

   I went through nearly that same situation with my divorce over a decade ago.  When I threatened to send an email to his GF, to let her know he was married, he was quick to ask for the divorce.
   P.S.  His GF dropped him like yesterday's news once she realized he was free.  LOL.

Life was sooooo much nicer without the drama, you find you can deal with a whole lot more than you thought you could all by yourself!

    I was single for 6 years (with a child) before I found the right man for me, so take your time.
We've been married for 5 years now, and I love him more than ever.  He has a son close to the same age as mine, from his first marriage and they are freinds.

[LissaRoisin]

   I went through nearly that same situation with my divorce over a decade ago.  When I threatened to send an email to his GF, to let her know he was married, he was quick to ask for the divorce.
   P.S.  His GF dropped him like yesterday's news once she realized he was free.  LOL.

Life was sooooo much nicer without the drama, you find you can deal with a whole lot more than you thought you could all by yourself!

    I was single for 6 years (with a child) before I found the right man for me, so take your time.
We've been married for 5 years now, and I love him more than ever.  He has a son close to the same age as mine, from his first marriage and they are freinds.

Thank you for the words of hope 

Sadly, his girlfriend knew he was married. Up until the affair, she was a friend of mine who had a boyfriend of her own. They are still together actually. It was amazing how fast they made their relationship official once we separated. Now, her ex-boyfriend and I are very good friends.

[Lady Kathleen of Olmsted]

Hugs and prayers.