Ladies, need your advice please

[Captain Dungcaster]

Ladies,

I have been bitten by the Faire bug to the point I am on my second set of Garb. I wish my wife would get "bitten" as I have. She has attended Faires with me and enjoyed them.  She does have garb.
I do not want to push.

I would like advice on encouraging her enjoyment/experience/participation about Faire.

Am I grasping or trying to hard?

[DonaCatalina]

Jewelry.
All kidding aside....maybe some of the ladies you know at your faire could help.
Maybe deep down she feels a little weird dressing up and needs some encouragement from other women.
You could try getting her to read this forum and I'm sure plenty of people will tell her how lovely she is in her garb.

[PollyPoPo]

My first thought was also jewelry.  LOL. 

But I think there may be something more.  Flattery, sex appeal and a man paying the bill who is not the husband.

Just this past weekend, my daughter-in-law was helping for a couple items for my two granddaughters, with my daughter's husband being the purchaser (big guy, not a father, wants to buy for his nieces, embarrassed shopping for little girl clothes).   He insisted Steph get something for herself, so after being in mundanes for almost 15 years, she bought a basic skirt, white blouse and bodice/waist cinch, with push-up qualities.  I think she realized she was onto something when her brother-in-law couldn't quite look her in the eye.

My son (Steph's husband) was appreciately surprised at his wife's new appearance, silly grin on his face.  Steph beamed 

Now, if we can only get my son back in garb, then the 14 year old (bah, humbug stage) grandson might fall in line.

[Captain Dungcaster]

Great! I am listening. She does not come to this forum. I do compliment her when in Garb and anything she wants is hers at Faire vendors. It is just the two of us. No children or pets. She says to me "I'm just not into it as much as you are" Maybe that is all it will ever be. We attend a couple Faires once or twice per year. She has said to me she is looking forward to attending Carolina in a couple weeks.

[Zardoz]

Not a lady, but I've been getting the "I'm just not into it as much as you are" thing for years. My wife likes to attend faire OK, but she basically goes to shop. She doesn't care about garbing up, she makes an effort at it mostly because of peer pressure from some of our friends that all like to sew and make costumes, me saying "it adds to the experience" doesn't sway her. She generally will go all day without seeing any shows,  or sadly, getting to know any any of my rennie friends. She is not really a 'playtron', more a 'garbed patron' I guess.

Although I was not successful at it, I think the best way to encourage your wife's enjoyment and participation would be to try to get her into your circle of ren-friends.

[Rani Zemirah]

I will heartily second the Ren Friends suggestion!  Faire was fun for me for years, and I enjoyed it, and even made half-hearted attempts at garb, of a sort... but it wasn't until I found a group of friends to attend with, who were really into the experience, and all the fun and frolic to be had, that I realized how very wonderful it could be!  When it becomes a community event with your group then the real fun begins, and enthusiasm just naturally increases.  It's hard NOT to pick up on shared excitement...


Unless... she's just not a Rennie at heart.  If that's the case, then nothing you say or do will change that.  Some people just don't understand, and don't care to...


Good luck!  I hope she's one of those who just need the right incentive to fall truly, madly and deeply in love with Faire!!! 

[Feline Groovy]

Short answer: Start small.  In other words, don't push (or expect) her to get into full rig right away.  She'd likely feel right silly and awkward which would impede the fun.

Instead, see if she's tempted by one or two things for starters -- and yes, jewelry's often a good start!  But we've all also seen many mundane-clad patrons sporting a new hat or bodice or some other item that caught their fancy by the end of the day.  And hey, once she's got a nice cincher, she might decide she needs a blouse to go with it.  And that could lead to skirts and that could lead to.....   

Good luck!  (The big key is don't push it on her, she'll enjoy it more if she gets into it at her comfort level. And yes, sometimes that comfort level is no garb. But hey, we love our mundane spouses anyway!   )  )

[Captain Dungcaster]

Thank you all. Yes I try gentle encouragement. I do have her thinking about a head cover of some type.
These are all great ideas!

[Alexandra Johanna]

Just keep going. Sometimes it takes awhile for someone to really develop an interest.

I know for us, Faire was something that sort of developed over time. My husband, daughter, and I have been going to Bristol for 10 years now, and it is just in this last year that we went in full garb and were comfortable. I am the most "into it" to be sure, but my daughter (almost 15) and my husband are both just happy to play along. When I have tried to get either of them to make suggestions about what type of garb they would like, or persona to help guide my costuming ideas for them, they both just look at me blankly. I don't know if they just aren't very creative, or haven't reached that point yet of being confident enough to say, "I want to be a pirate!" or some such idea, or just aren't that into it. My husband says just think of him like a big accessory to whatever it is *I* want to be at Faire. I can't really complain about that, now can I?

But this year, in his new garb, as we left for the last day of Faire, he did ask, "Do you think anyone will take my picture?" And he sounded rather hopeful! And my usually sullen and dark teen was happily walking around all day beaming an actual smile every time someone took notice of her shoulder puppet.  She's asked for a "blue" outfit next year.  So I think the bug has bitten, even if its just a mosquito sized bite right now.

I hope your wife comes around.

[DonaCatalina]

My husband says just think of him like a big accessory to whatever it is *I* want to be at Faire. I can't really complain about that, now can I?
I hope your wife comes around.

My husband has referred to himself as my walking clotheshorse. But this year he actually asked if I could make him a pirate outfit.
Maybe you could surprise her with a chain or jeweled girdle to wear. Here I am back on jewelry again, but if she has pretty things to wear with her gard, she might want more opportunities to wear it.

[Auryn]

Silly question perhaps but does she have a favorite fantasy or period movie??

Sometimes the focus we feel on being H/A- especially when you first start out- can be daunting or off putting.
Perhaps she has a favorite heroine whose dress she might like to emulate.

[Anna Iram]

It might be that your wife's greatest enjoyment of faire will always be in accompanying you and sharing in your enjoyment. So yes, don't push or make each visit an exercise in drawing her in. You have a lovely lady on your arm. Be glad for it and just enjoy the day.

Having said that, for me music was the spark that drew me in. If you and your wife enjoy a show, buy their cd. It makes for a wonderful memory and can be a great catalyst to further love for faire year round.

[Rani Zemirah]

Maybe if you were to print her out a copy of the map, entertainment schedule and activities for the weekend you will be there, in advance, and tell her that the day/weekend belongs completely to her, and you are at her beck and call, and whatever whim or fancy should strike her will be the sole aim and itinerary for the visit. 

And, perhaps, if you know people there, you might arrange to "woo" her a bit, in a courtly manner, by having roses (and/or treats/trinkets/mementos) delivered one at a time to her throughout the day, by different people, in your name, at pre-arranged locations.  Maybe even present her with a pretty basket before cannon, and say it's to help carry any small purchases she makes during the day, so she doesn't have to juggle them all.  That way, she has something to put her flowers and gifts in when she begins receiving them! 


Few women even want to resist romance... and such a lovely memory could encourage a desire to return and experience even more magic. 

[CecilyWilkins]

If you've got her in garb and she says she is looking forward to the next Faire, I'd say you're on the right track. 

Lots of good ideas in this thread. My advice is to just stick with it--keep being encouraging but not pushy--keep complimenting her when she's in garb, but don't be TOO obviously flattering--etc etc. In my experience there is often a world of wonder to be found in simply watching someone you care about enjoy something they love. I have learned how to appreciate many things I may never have otherwise paid attention to by observing someone I love or respect (or both!) appreciate and enjoy that thing.

Good luck! Let us know how it continues to go.