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I KNOW YOU WILL ALL "GET" THIS.................

Started by Gwenwhistle, September 11, 2008, 08:17:14 PM

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Gwenwhistle

Hi there, just wanted to share a story and get opinions about a "situation" I found myself in recently.

I have attended KRF in Carver at LEAST yearly for the past 10 years; in the last two, have also included my now 11 year old son and 9 year old daughter.....they have a BLAST and we look forward to it all year.  SO.....this year, my daughter has chosen to go to Faire for her birthday and bring a friend.  I mentioned this ahead of time to her friend's Mom (whom I have been friends with for the past 8 years) just to be sure she'd be ok with my brining her daughter so far away for the entire day.  When she called me about it; she suddenly was asking if her older daughter could go (no big deal, I have room in the car) and then that SHE wanted to go as well, and would drive, etc, etc.  BUT, the BIGGEST issue was that this friend of mine is............a mundane :(.   OK, so picture this......me and 4 awesome kids, all dressed in Garb for faire, and HER, walking around like a lump in her jeans and sweatshirt.  Kinda kills the mood, wouldn't you say?   Am I being unreasonable?  Also, she has a tendency to take control of things so I told her, since it's for my daughter's birhtday, that I'm going to drive and stay all day, etc,etc.  I thought I would find some empathetic ears here.  What do you think? What would you have done?

THANKS GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gwen

sealion

Do you think that you could get away with telling her htat garb is required in honor of your daughter's birthday and, if so, do you have garb she could borrow?
Cindy/Ciana Leonardi di Firenze/Captain Cin

Gwenwhistle

Yes, I had suggested twice that if she wanted to go, she had to dress; (I have plenty of garb she could have borrowed)  she emphatically replied "I don't dress up, I'm not into that" which is the reason for the whole uncomfortable situation.  Would you agree that it completely changes the atmosphere and mood if you're with someone who is NOT dressed and not nearly as into faire as you are???  I hate for her to feel unwanted, but truly, it would be a big bummer.

Thanks for your suggestion.  My thinking is that only people who are rennies would understand.

Peddlin

Can you possibly tell her that it would be important to your daughter to have her entire birthday party "in the spirit", and that you can find her some simple (probably peasant) garb that would be comfortable, as well as functional? Ask her to try to understand that you want this to be a complete "experience" for your daughter, and that you think it is important for everyone participating to make it as authentic as possible - for your daughter. You might also point out that, if it was her daughter, you know it would mean a lot to her. Just a thought.
Peddlin M'Crack
Countess of Tyrone
Ette
IWG #3790, Local 96

Scotsman

Truth be known, she probably felt more uncomfortable than you know. I wouldn't worry about it too much - some people are just going to be kill-joys.
Kilted Rogue #1411
Irish Penny BDE - Flattn'
Castleteer
Teer for life
RFC #56
Was that my inside voice?

analise

I would've said she was welcome to come but she could drive herself (that way if she ends up not wanting to stick around, she can leave before you guys do).

That and strongly hint she could at least rent some garb for the day (assuming that fest does that?).

Honestly, though, I wouldn't have pushed the garb thing on someone. Though if they'd invited themselves along on my outing, I would've probably come up with an excuse for us to separate at some point during the day, at least for a while.

Femme Falchion

I'm with Lady Analise....take separate vehicles.
Domina Virago
Grand Mistress of the Order of the Hatchet
Mother Confessor
Sister of the Spring Fires

BLAKDUKE

Quote from: Gwenwhistle on September 12, 2008, 07:05:06 AM
she emphatically replied "I don't dress up, I'm not into that"


Then why does she want to go, to the point that she invites herself.

I am of the firm opinion you can't be nice and P.C. with people like that.  Tell her to get into the spirit of things for her daugthers sake if not for yours or stay home.  Another avenue is talk to her daughter and see if she can persuade Momma to garb up a little.
Ancient swordsman/royalty
Have Crown/Sword Will Travel

laedyfaire

oh, I have been in this position many times and for us, it DOES put a damper on the day. We go often though, so one weekend out of 8 is not a big deal. If I could only go once and had to drag around a partypooper, I would probably do something wicked. :)

DEFINITELY take two cars! this way she can leave early if she wants. Give her a program and tell her the things your daughter wants to see ( the birthday girl ) and if she wants to come along she can, or she can pick her own shows. And then try not to focus on her but on the many wonderful sights and sounds of faire.

Hopefully, she will lighten up and really enjoy herself. Faire has a way of doing that. Good luck! LF

Lady Christina de Pond

#9
maybe she's a rennie in the making my first ren fest me and my friends didn't dress in garb even though i thought it was a fantastic idea. one of my friends didn't want to so we didn't well the friend who didn't want to dress up decided that it might be more fun to dress up the second year we've been wearing garb every since. maybe her going this year might spark her to want to dress up next year

and i  agree incase she is a party pooper take more than one car so she can leave when she wants if she doesn't like it
Helmswoman of the Fiesty Lady
Lady Ashley of De Coals
Militissa in the Frati della Beata Gloriosa Vergine Mari

sealion

Gosh, I really don't see an easy way out of this. It sucks that she invited herself along but refuses to garb up even though she know your daughter want her to do it. Maybe it's time to stop trying to be nice about it and just tell her point blank that she should stay home if she refuses to honor your daughter's request to wear garb.
Cindy/Ciana Leonardi di Firenze/Captain Cin

BLAKDUKE

You could always stop off at a convenience store for some snacks and then take off and forget she came along Oh yeah her child is with you, she might notice that........   Well outside of things that are decidedly illegal, outlandish, rude, crude, abrasive and fattening I am out of ideas...................
Ancient swordsman/royalty
Have Crown/Sword Will Travel

Lord Figaro

It's not easy to be nice to everyone and sometimes you can't. The best idea here, is the separate car idea. If she doesn't like the experience, she can leave any time she wants.

If she tries to take over though, like you said. She has the tendency to take things over. Then you'll have to be more assertive and block her if she tries to do that. Keep it firmly in her head as well as yours. The day is for your daughter, not her. My wife and I went for a few years with me in garb and her not. We still had fun, but it became way more fun when she learned the pleasures of the garb.

Good luck in what ever you decide though, and Carpe diem.
Those who do not remember their past are condemned to repeat their mistakes.

George Santayana

Rani Zemirah

Perhaps you could take along extra garb for her, and when she starts feeling that uncomfortable "out-of-place" feeling that mundanes sometimes experience when in the company of a group of garbed rennies you could casually mention that you have a "spare" in the car? Who knows... after she's been there for an hour or so she may be looking to buy her own garb!  LOL
Rani - Fire Goddess

Aut disce... aut discede

Gwenwhistle

WOW, thank you all so much for your great words of advice.  I knew I could count on rennies  to understand.   I actually have sat down with my friend to explain my feelings and although she was very open to hearing it, she REALLY didn't see what the big deal was if she wasn't in garb.  I finally had to just say "If you were into faire, you WOULD understand."   and had to leave it at that.   

Blakduke; LOVE the convenience store idea........ :D