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When do kids stop being rennies?

Started by Dallan, May 26, 2009, 12:45:25 PM

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Dallan

So there's been some talk about when do you start to take your kids to faire in other threads but I have a question on the other end of the spectrum. Getting our kids to like wearing garb and going to faire has been pretty easy but when do they decide to stop. Our oldest has just turned 12 this past March. Things are changing with him. I knew they would. I've seen the signs. This winter he stopped snuggling with me while watching TV. Last fall we ran into a kid at MDRF that he plaid football with and even though my son greatly disliked the other kid (everyone on the team did) I could tell that he was uncomfortable being seen in garb by someone his own age that he knows. He forgot to bring the trash cans back from the road this weekend and as we were getting ready to head out early Saturday morning I made him bring them up. He was in garb and had a fit. He was afraid the kid next door would see him.

I know he's starting to become a teenager (God help us) and soon enough it won't be cool or fun to hang out with the family but does anyone have experience with the impact for the family and faire? Do they decide to abandon it all together? Do the go but not in garb? I know all kids are different. We spent the last 5 years creating wonderful memories and experiences for the boys regarding faire and family. I know those memories will last forever but I'm sad to think that creating them may be ending in the future.
Fight'n

Carl Heinz

I think this might depend on whether you're a participant or a playtron.

At RPFS, "Faire Brats" are a tradition and some of them are now as old as 50  :).  These are folks who grew up with faire and were children of participants.

Some grow up and move away.  Some lose interest.

I don't think there's a hard/fast rule.  It's individual.
Carl Heinz
Guild of St Cuthbert

Trillium

It's certainly different with every kid.  I started going to faire and loved being in costume, but had friend that were totally confused by the idea.  My neice has been going since she was a year old and is now 15 and loves going, in garb, dragging a friend along if she can.  Your son is at a point where he will need to find who he is and what is important to him.  If possible, give him the option of going or not.  If he does go, let him choose if he wants to wear garb or not.  You should not give up your love of garbing, though.  If you trust him enough and are comfortable with it, let him roam with a friend (within limits and with stipulations like checking in at certain times) instead of with the family all the time. 
Got faerie dust?

Hoowil

My personal experience was that I started being a rennie as a teen. I do think it depends on the kid. The hardest part will probably being able to tell if he really has decided that he doesn't enjoy it, or if he's just being a difficult teen that wants to piss off the parents, or feels like liking it makes him a freak. As for boys, I think once puberty kicks in full bore, he'll want to go, if nothing else then to look at boobies. I'd just say make sure that he knows he is welcome to go, in or out of garb, but don't force him. If his interest wains, or even totally goes away, its unfortunate, but his choice. Maybe try to find a friend his age who might share an interest in faire, so as to let him know that he's not alone.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with catsup.

Julianne

#4
When do our children stop living our lives?
:'( :-*
My dear man...I feel your pain.  You must let your young man decide for himself now.  He may or may not continue with your love of faire.  This should not deter or distract you from your own fun.

Your way may not be his way.  You won't love him less nor he you.
I'm sure you'll appreciate his need for peer acceptance right now.

My advice to you is invite him along as always but don't show too much disappointment when he declines.





Messyn McCleavage

My son, who just turned 17, wore a kilt when he was younger, but hasn't for several years now. (I believe the last time he dressed up was as a hobbit when he was 10 or 11.) When I worked at the "Got Kilt?" Utilikilt booth this past Mardi Gras, I got a black kilt as payment. The manager stayed with us for the week in between the 2 Mardi Gras weekends, and wore a different color kilt every day. My son started to decide that maybe it WAS cool, but chickened out on wearing the black utilikilt at the Houston Highland Games 2 weeks ago. I pointed out to him and his friend that they were the only ones NOT in a kilt. 100's of boys aged 10-110 were all in kilts.

Since he plays World of Warcraft, there are other types of garb he IS interested in wearing, ie: fantasy armour. He also enjoys making chainmaille with his dad, but doesn't want to deal with the weight issue. If you catch him in the right mood, he may wear armour that resembles his WOW character, because the kids at school would think it's cool. He wants to make his own leather armour; I think it would encourage him to enjoy wearing garb, similar to how getting kids to cook encourages them to take pride in their work and a better chance that they will actually eat that food, rather than hiding it in their milk.
Gneonach Gnomie - SW Houston, TX

Dallan

I am most grateful for the posts. I know it is inevitable that my sons will grow up and break away. It's that natural order of life and good for them but it doesn't mean I have to take it well.
Fight'n

ladyharrogate

you never know.  I would give him the option of going to festival out of costume if it is the costume he is balking at.  Then he can still enjoy the atmosphere without feeling silly.  Or, like one other poster said, get him involved in creating garb.  In my business I work with a lot of teens in creating costumes that fit their personality.

on another note, I work with children at festival.  While some do grow out of it I find the majority of my kids come back each year and go on to work on their own as they get older.  Of course we are a performance troupe so many of these kids already have an interest in theater but some of them are just children of performers who find they enjoy the challenge of creating a character and playing that character.

Hey- Arent You?

it's got to be his choice to garb or not, even to go or not.  remember that is rebellion time, when peer pressure comes on, and kids stop wanting to be like their parents.  also, it doesn't help that faires are becoming more and more and object of ridicule in the media (THANKS free credit report, reno911, etc.  >:(  )

so, let him find his own way at faire.  let him off the leash.  let him run around site with his friends there, let him go to whatever show he wants to see without you. if you camp, give him his own tent (in your site).  there is a reason that each of us does faire, and it's usually not because we just like the costumes.  it's the humor, the friendships, the freedom, etc.   let him find his own reasons to be there.  or not.

and it might not hurt to point out that he'll get away with more of his smart @$$ comments  (he's turning teen, I assume he has plenty) at faire, where you can get away with saying damn near anything to perfect strangers.
"All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing"
~Edmund Burke

limey_tech

I've had the completely opposite thing.. my friend's 14 year old daughter has went from thinking dressing up is weird to this past year joining the cast at faire.  It helps that her friends all see her as someone they look up to.  On the other hand, I have seen many times how people young and old grow away from the faire.  The one thing I would suggest is to do what several other people have said.. let them make the decision for themselves.  Most of the time, if faire was something they truly loved, they will come back to it.  It may take some time, but the good times they had usually bring them back.
Jason D. Smallen aka Kathryn's Daddy

Dev

Don't take it personally - did you really want to hang out with your parents when you were his age?  He's beginning to establish himself as separate from his parents, and now his friends have more influence on his interests and mannerisms.  He may return to the faire when he sorts out his identity, but he's no less of a person if he chooses football and Abercrombie over jousts and garb.

Invite him along but don't be disappointed if he doesn't want to go.  If he goes, don't take it as an insult if he doesn't want to be around you.  If he doesn't go, always offer to show him pictures of what he may have been missing, but don't push it if he's not interested.

Lady Nicolette

My son also loved his first years at Faire and now won't go, garbed or not.  I always ask him if he'd like to go with me, in or out of garb, but let him decide.  Since he's old enough to stay home alone, it doesn't interfere with my going.  I was a teen when I discovered Faire also and never wanted to stop going, but he's his own person.  There are far worse ways to act out than not wanting to go to Faire and if you show him that you respect his right to make his own decisions, perhaps he'll make good ones regarding other choices that will come his way, despite how much people may want him to do what they prefer him to do.  I personally wish he still enjoyed sharing this with me, but forcing him to go would certainly attain just the opposite result. 

I think there are a lot of wise answers in here, let him be whoever he is now and he will either come back to Faire or he won't, but I'm certain that he'll always be glad his parents respected his wishes when it came to deciding whether or not to attend as a young person becoming an adult.
"Into every rain a little life must fall." ~ Tom Rapp~Pearls Before Swine

BLAKDUKE

Dallan:

My heart aches for thee.  Thou hast teenagers(or soon to become so), you must have been very bad in a former life.   I went thru the same thing.  Forget the garb angles, however there are two alternatives.  First at age 12 1/2  you take the soon to be a teenager and put it in a whiskey barrel and feed it thru a small hole, on the day it turns 13 close the hole.  On the day it is supposed to turn 21 open the barrel and if it walks out then he has attained manhood.  If it does not walk out think of the 8 years of peace and quiet you have had.    The second alternative is throw the soon to be teenager out of the house while it still knows everything there is to know.    My wife and I choose the latter, because if we did not we both would have had the option of adjoining cells in prison, because what we were contemplating was highly illegal.     Of course we made the mistake of waiting until they were 17 instead of 12 1/2, but still we got peace and quiet 5 years sooner that normal.  After that we moved and left no forwarding address nor did we leave a breadcrumb trail.   To us there is no greater torture than raising teenagers,  it is a thankless job and the rewards at best are meager.  I now have a more complete understanding why some people choose NOT to have children.   These types of people are very astute and learn from others mistakes and ill fortune.   Good Luck in whatever way you decide. 

THE BLAKDUKE     
Ancient swordsman/royalty
Have Crown/Sword Will Travel

Welsh Wench

#13
Blakduke--

Do you still have the whiskey barrel?

My granddaughter is a rennie-in-the-making, has been going since she was four. Last year in TN, I was talking to the gentleman that had the dragon puppets at BARF. He was telling me about a young girl that would come in to see his 'worker' Cody who was 14. She'd hang around and talk to him.
I had to laugh and say, 'Yeah, that's my granddaughter.'
He snapped his fingers and said, 'THAT is who you look like!'

She didn't go this year but I prefer to think that it is just a hibernation phase and it will kick in again. Sometimes they have other priorities.
Show me your tan lines..and I'll show you mine!

I just want to be Layla.....

BLAKDUKE

Quote from: Welsh Wench on July 22, 2009, 11:25:15 AM
Blakduke--

Do you still have the whiskey barrel?

Aye love.   just tell me the aroma ye like and the size ye want, and it's yours.
Ancient swordsman/royalty
Have Crown/Sword Will Travel