Hello everyone. I know I've been missing from the forums for a while. It seems since July one things after another has hit me and/or my family, and I guess I've found it difficult to get on much. I sometimes blog and then I find that I've lost the energy to type. Anyway. This may turn into a long post and so I apologize in advance and understand if no one makes it through all of it.
Before July, my fiance Mark (known to some as Drake) and I were working at the same restaurant, he as sous chef and I as pastry chef. It was a small mom and pop type place, run by a sweet married couple who we loved like family. And then quite suddenly they decided to get a divorce and give up the business. Someone else came in to run it but things ended up not working out and we were both without a job in July. Things were crazy and we had to rely on the help of our parents to get through July. In August I got hired at Bank of America. It didn't take me long to hate the job and the environment. I'm not a whiny person, and I don't cry frequently, but I began to come home every night in tears and wake up every morning in tears at the thought of having to go back. I became a miserable, depressed, person who was depressing to be around. I'm sure this didn't help to endear me to my bosses and co-workers, but I did try to be fake enthusiasm as best I could. Of course, during this time, our van was stolen right out from the front of our apartment. So I missed a day of work after I'dbeen there only a week, which I think immediately made them think I was a slacker. But I was filling out a police report and then couldn't find a way to get to work that day. Thankfully our van was found and fixed fairly quickly. Then a few weeks later I became really ill and could not make it to work for two days. At the end of that, it seemed clear that my job did not want me, and I did not want them, and it was best to part ways. I will say that, thankfully, it only took me two weeks to find another job and as of right now, I love the job I am at. But it's been difficult - everytime we're getting up on our feet, we find ourselves back at square one. Mark has not found a job yet, and that makes it harder. But we have faith, he will find one soon.
The worst thing that has happened, or is happening I should say, is that my aunt has been diagnosed with cancer. They diagnosed her about a month ago. It's so hard because circumstance Iwon't go into here, my mom and aunt were not super close until about 5 years ago. And my aunt was married to someone who never wanted to anything, so though she loved him, she was kind of depressed a lot. Sadly, he died from cancer about 4 years ago, but the good that came from it (because I do believe good comes from all things) is that she started living her life for her. So over the past several years, she and my parents travel everywhere, all over the country - it's the first time she's really done that, and she is in love with traveling. They've spent every weekend going to lunch, going to craft shows, exploring small towns around their city. So it's like... she just discovered JOY and LIFE and now she's faced with the idea that she might lose it. It terrifies her, and my mom. It scares us all. My other aunt (their sister) died of cancer, and my other aunt's husband did as well. So all we've ever seen of that disease is, well, you know. Then before they could start her treatment, she went into the hospital because she had not urinated in 3 days. It took them a while to determine what was going on, but it runed out to be a reaction to an antibiotic they had her on for something else. So they put her on dialysis to keep things clean until they could get her peeing again. The doctor thought it would only take a few days but it has now been three weeks. She just went back in the hospital because of a fever. Her dialysis site was infected and had to be changed. They did some tests and determined thather kidneys are fine and should be functioning, so they turned their attention to her bladderbut have been unable to findher bladder on any of their scans. At least she has her sense of humor intact. She's been telling the nurses "Hey, if ya'll see a bladder lying around, don't throw it out, it's mine. I seem to have lost it." So we have no clue what is going on, the can't start treating her cancer until her body is recovered from this reaction...
Anyway, I'm sorry this has been so long-winded. I just don't know how to put it any shorter. I try not to think about it, mostly. Because when I do, I just want to try. I'm so scared, and I know my mom is, and my aunt. And they live 70 miles away which isn't too far, but far enough that sometimes, it feels like an ocean. I want to be there with my family so bad and I feel like a bad daughter and a bad niece for not being there more.
Anyway, if you could all keep me and my Aunt Beverly and my mom and my family in your prayers and thoughts, light a candle, send good energy, anything, it would mean so much to me. Thanks everyone.
{{{HUGS}}}
You've had a tough time, Boom Boom. But you and Mark draw strength from each other.
You'll be OK.
Thasnk you.
Thoughts and prayers for you and your family!
Thoughts and prayers are with you !
You and your family are in my thoughts and paryers.
Boom Boom you and Mark hang in there cause everything is going to be alright.I promise you that sweetie.Anyway I will say a prayer for you and your family and hope things work out for the best for you both.
I'm so sorry to hear of all your difficulties Boom Boom! I know that sometimes it seems like when it rains it pours. But you're right in that good does seem to come out of everything so just hang onto that thought. Love, hugs, and prayers for you and your family!
I wanted to thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. My aunt passed away Friday afternoon pretty suddenly. She was in dialysis and had a massive heart attack. It's kind of weird that in the end it was not the cancer or the renal failure but a heart attack. Anyway, my family is still kind of in shock and trying to process it all, so your continued thoughts for us, especially my mom who is having a very hard time with this, would mean so much to me. Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. Lots of love to you.
Boom Boom I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt.I will keep you and your family especially your mom in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I had just finished lighting a candle for your family after reading your original post, then I scrolled through the rest of the thread and found your most recent update.
I'm glad your aunt was able to experience the joys she found when she finally started living the life she was meant for, and I am thankful you and your parents, especially your mother, were able to share that joy with her. I am sure it made her life rich and full.
Please accept my sincere condolences. I know you must miss her terribly. I will be praying that your family will find comfort in each other and in your memories of the joy your aunt brought into your lives, and you into hers.
Blessings,
Zemirah
Boom Boom I am so very sorry to hear this. You and your family are in my thoughts and healing energy to your mother. I know how hard this is hun, most of my family have gone a similar path. If you ever need to talk to someone, I know it's been a while since we last spoke, but I'm here hun.
*HUG*
I just wanted to say thank you for your well wishes and warm thoughts The last few weeks have gone by in a blur, and knowing you're thinking of me and my family helps so much. Lots of love to you all.
We love ya hun! I know that time going by in a blur feeling. It'll calm down eventually. In the mean time, take care of yourself and know how very much we all love you and are thinking of you dear!
*HUGS*
I just wanted to update this thread. First, I wanted to thank you all again for your thoughts and prayers. Though I spent a few months not really posting, I thought about you all so much and knowing you all care really did help so much.
When my aunt died, I guess I didn't see it clearly at first, but I can see now that I became depressed. I don't know why... I mean, clearly losing my favorite aunt was very sad, and watching it's effect on my mom was almost as hard as losing my aunt. But still.. I guess it's because I've had a history of depression and whatnot. So it was just harder than it should have been, maybe. Anyway, the result was that I didn't do or want to do the things I normally did, and I just wanted to sit around the house most of the time, doing nothing.
But I'm doing so much better now. I feel sort of like I've come out from under a fog. Like everything was going by in a blur and I was just letting things happen but not dealing with them. And now I feel like I'm participating in my own life again. I'm feeling really happy these days, and when I think of my aunt, I tend to smile and laugh more than I want to cry. Sure, sometimes the tears sneak up, but I think it's normal. I just have myself a little cry, and then think of how much she'd hate us crying over her, which makes me laugh, and then I move on with my day.
Sorry, I didn't mean to put all that out there like that, because this really is a happy post. I feel good, I feel happy, and I feel like myself again.
Also, during this time, something very wonderful happened. As you may or may not know, Drake had to have a series of eye surgeries to try and correct diabetic rhetinopathy a few years ago. The left eye never regained any vision, but the right eye had some vision, though it soon became clear that he had a cataract on that eye. Over the last few years, the cataract worsened and so then did the vision in his right eye. And already without vision in his left, he was basically going blind. It was a difficult thing because we had to see his retina specialist several times to make sure his retina was stable enough to withstand cataract surgery. But because the cataract was so thick, his doctors could not see his retina well enough to be certain, and so we had no way of knowing the outcome of the durgery. But in December, he had cataract surgery on his right eye and it was an absolute success. His vision in that eye is 20/25 and he just needs reading glasses for reading up close. He woke up so happy because he could immediately see across the room. He could make out faces again... he smiled because he could see my face clearly again. It was the happiest I think I may have ever been, to see him light up like that, so glad to be able to see, when he was afraid he would not.
Anyway... I guess I just wanted to update everyone, to let you all know that life is moving along for me and my family; and right now, it's all really quite great. And most of all, to thank you for thinking of me and praying for me, and sending lots of love my way. It helped more than I can say.
{{{HUGS}}}
That's it.
Just....hugs! :)
Yay, I love hugs! *hugs back*
Thanks for the update on everything Seryn. I'm so glad that everything has gotten better for you and that you can move on with your life in a happy manner. For the record I second everything Welsh Wench said about giving hugs to you.
Lots of hugs to you as well!
Hi Boom, Boom, I just read this thread for the first time. I am so sorry for all you've had to endure. But I am happy things are looking up again for both of you.
Glad you are back.
Hugs.
Thank you so much! Especially for all the hugs, which are the best thing in the world. Right now, every day seems brighter and happier than the previous, and I am grateful and thankful for such. I know I owe a large part of this to my fairemily :) Thank you all so much.