When you date someone who isn't a rennie...

[Finnian]

Ok, so I'm in a relationship, and this girl isn't a rennie by any means. She normally attends the faire one day a year, if that. She doesn't really have garb or a costume of any kind, she has weapons (she collects), and has like a sailor's vest sort of thing. But that is it. Now, this up coming faire season (ours starts Mid February) will be the first faire we attend together, and she does know I'm SUPER into it and have garb, "character", and all that. We have plans to go one day together, and otherwise I'm hunting about for a carpool to be able to go other days so I don't have to ride the bus dressed as a green furred, horned, goat man. XD Though I'm not against that adventure either...

It seems that she might be getting a bit more interested since I am, which is cool. I'm definitely not force feeding her rennie stuff, or forcing her to go or dress up or anything. I was curious if anyone has any experience with stuff like this.

Any advice or ideas would be most appreciated! The only time I've attended faire with a person I've dated was years ago, and they were definitely into it, so it wasn't an issue. ^^ I have dated more that don't like the faire at all though. I suppose I never really thought about it until now. Lol. Who knew Faire would play such a big part in life, eh?

UPDATE: So after chatting with her a tiny bit she said that she is interested, she just always found it hard to be "in character" without garb. So I told her if she was interested, I would definitely be open to helping her, since I know more resources and have a sewing machine and such. She seems very excited about getting a unique outfit together, and building up her character. It seems like she is going to make a phooka/puka wolfish character, since we're animal folk, no pun intended. I told her if she thinks of some basic ideas we can definitely develop some basic garb for the faire, and if she has fun we can always add on later. I'm happy she is excited, I kind of thought she would be into it since she is ok with performing in other sorts of costumes for people, and she writes, so she definitely can develop a character. We have a couple of week before we attend faire together, so I suppose I will update later on down the road a bit if you guys and gals want to know how it goes!

[Ferret]

Tone down your participation on your day there with her. Give her time.

Plan to go another day by yourself after the day with your Lady. Or take her with if things work out.

You go all out and ignore her, you don't need me to tell you what will happen.

Give her time to get into it, and you will have made an investment in your future, faire and more.
Ferret

[eloquentXI]

Well, have you talked to her about of all of this and explained to her everything, about interactions and being in character, etc.

Depending on her personality, after the first time of going with you, you never know, she might want to jump in and start playing too. It really depends on her experience. Try and keep reassuring her but likewise giving her her space to kind of experience faire her own way.

I hope she really enjoys it and continues to go with you!

[Finnian]

@Ferret: Well I'm definitely not planning to ignore her at all, that's the point. I mean like I said, she goes every year herself....she just...isn't a rennie. She has been with me on other non-rennie sort of "street/public" performance and character based outtings, and she was fine there. It seems like she wants to interact, but it's almost like she's either scared to act or play or what not. But yeah, definitely will need to tone it down a tiny bit. XD

@Eloquent: Yeah, I think that she wants to play WITH me, and not just be there, but I don't think she's ever done anything like that in a public place like a faire. When she learned a bit about my character, which for the most part IS me, just with a different costume and less talking verbally, she actually did seem interested in making a character that would be able to flow well with my own.

I do plan to sort of run some ideas by her before we attend together, since I think the thing is all these years she's been going, it's just been as some mundane there to buy stuff and walk around and what not, not with a group of people who are into it, or a character and whatnot. Smiley


UPDATE: So I finally got to talk to her about it more in depth, and she is interested in working more on her garb and developing her character, so I told her I would help her on any bases she would want aid with. YAY! I will update when more happens! We have plans to attend faire on the 13th of Feb, aka beginner garb for now!

[Betty Munro]

I really really really hope she matches your enjoyment and enthusiasm!  It sucks to be partnered with someone who doesn't.  (From personal experience.)  She doesn't have to act and interact at the same level, but it would be great if she's ok to even hang back a little and enjoy you enjoying yourself. 
Just a thought ... if she is comfortable with garb, but maybe not with being a goat woman ... would you consider creating a second character as part of a set with her?  A noble and his lady?  A pair of pirates?  Or she could be a fairy and roam the forest with goat man?  Just throwing out ideas that might offer alternatives in case needed.
I hope the best for you and your lady ... there is nothing as glorious as a faire couple.

[Merlin]

Anything can work with enough communication.
I'm a bigger nerd than my wife but she tolerates me. I allow her to participate or not as much as she wants to in things she may not find as interesting as I do.
She goes to faire 3 or so times per season but knows that I will go every day possible and she's fine with that.
It's possible to have relations with someone who doesn't find everything you do as interesting or fn as you find them.

[Finnian]

I really really really hope she matches your enjoyment and enthusiasm!  It sucks to be partnered with someone who doesn't.  (From personal experience.)  She doesn't have to act and interact at the same level, but it would be great if she's ok to even hang back a little and enjoy you enjoying yourself. 
Just a thought ... if she is comfortable with garb, but maybe not with being a goat woman ... would you consider creating a second character as part of a set with her?  A noble and his lady?  A pair of pirates?  Or she could be a fairy and roam the forest with goat man?  Just throwing out ideas that might offer alternatives in case needed.
I hope the best for you and your lady ... there is nothing as glorious as a faire couple.

She wants to make a pooka wolfy inspired character, so she really wants to do the fae thing over the traditional human characters. We're not much into acting like people at any given point. Lol. We might do some weird variety of pirates down the road though if anything.

[Finnian]

It's possible to have relations with someone who doesn't find everything you do as interesting or fun as you find them.

Thank you for that statement!
My husband is NOT into faires. I hear 'Oh, that's a shame.'
NO, IT'S NOT!

This is MY time. I go to faire, have a great time and come home in a great mood. He doesn't get it, never has, never will.
I don't mind, and he doesn't mind.

We have similar interests, we have different interests.
And that is fine with us.

XD Yeah, I know how that can be too, she likes to go to anime conventions, I do not, I dress up like a crazy faerie....I surely don't expect her to. I just think since she has a general interest in it, and she does like going to faire...the more we can make of it the better, since we don't really get to do much throughout the year together in terms of events/traveling due to our schedules clashing.

[Merlin]

It's possible to have relations with someone who doesn't find everything you do as interesting or fun as you find them.

Thank you for that statement!
My husband is NOT into faires. I hear 'Oh, that's a shame.'
NO, IT'S NOT!

This is MY time. I go to faire, have a great time and come home in a great mood. He doesn't get it, never has, never will.
I don't mind, and he doesn't mind.

We have similar interests, we have different interests.
And that is fine with us.

This is the recipe for a healthy relationship..... I've been with the wife unit for 22+ years. Works for us.
It's not necessary to feel that you have to entertain the other constantly or do everything together.
I will never ask her to go to a hockey game with me and in return she doesn't ask me to watch "Runway Models" with her.

Dayanu

[Betty Munro]

Sounds like she is getting into the spirit of things and you could find faire to be something you do together.  That is awesome!  There is also nothing wrong with having your own things that you do alone, as long as there are other things you can share ... otherwise what would be the point in being together, if you never are actually together. 
Great advise from those with successful relationships!  I've never been treated in a healthy manner in a relationship.  22+ years is someone to really pay attention to!

[Finnian]

It's possible to have relations with someone who doesn't find everything you do as interesting or fun as you find them.

Thank you for that statement!
My husband is NOT into faires. I hear 'Oh, that's a shame.'
NO, IT'S NOT!

This is MY time. I go to faire, have a great time and come home in a great mood. He doesn't get it, never has, never will.
I don't mind, and he doesn't mind.

We have similar interests, we have different interests.
And that is fine with us.

This is the recipe for a healthy relationship..... I've been with the wife unit for 22+ years. Works for us.
It's not necessary to feel that you have to entertain the other constantly or do everything together.
I will never ask her to go to a hockey game with me and in return she doesn't ask me to watch "Runway Models" with her.

Dayanu

Oh yeah, I definitely agree. ^^ It would be rather insane to do EVERYthing together..or try to anyways.

[Merlin]

It's possible to have relations with someone who doesn't find everything you do as interesting or fun as you find them.

Thank you for that statement!
My husband is NOT into faires. I hear 'Oh, that's a shame.'
NO, IT'S NOT!

This is MY time. I go to faire, have a great time and come home in a great mood. He doesn't get it, never has, never will.
I don't mind, and he doesn't mind.

We have similar interests, we have different interests.
And that is fine with us.

This is the recipe for a healthy relationship..... I've been with the wife unit for 22+ years. Works for us.
It's not necessary to feel that you have to entertain the other constantly or do everything together.
I will never ask her to go to a hockey game with me and in return she doesn't ask me to watch "Runway Models" with her.

Dayanu

Oh yeah, I definitely agree. ^^ It would be rather insane to do EVERYthing together..or try to anyways.

It seems all my divorced friends attempted to do this though.

[Joyce "Delfinia DuSwallow" Howard]

Wenchie, i'm with you!My husband MIGHT go 1 time in the season for about 2 hrs., he knows my friends but its just not his thing! And thats fine with me, its my 9 weekends. He knows how much I love faire and thats ok with him. So Finnian just give her space if its her thing she will emerge.

[Finnian]

It's possible to have relations with someone who doesn't find everything you do as interesting or fun as you find them.

Thank you for that statement!
My husband is NOT into faires. I hear 'Oh, that's a shame.'
NO, IT'S NOT!

This is MY time. I go to faire, have a great time and come home in a great mood. He doesn't get it, never has, never will.
I don't mind, and he doesn't mind.

We have similar interests, we have different interests.
And that is fine with us.

This is the recipe for a healthy relationship..... I've been with the wife unit for 22+ years. Works for us.
It's not necessary to feel that you have to entertain the other constantly or do everything together.
I will never ask her to go to a hockey game with me and in return she doesn't ask me to watch "Runway Models" with her.

Dayanu

Oh yeah, I definitely agree. ^^ It would be rather insane to do EVERYthing together..or try to anyways.

It seems all my divorced friends attempted to do this though.

Live and learn I guess? Hehehe.

[Ferret]

UPDATE: So I finally got to talk to her about it more in depth, and she is interested in working more on her garb and developing her character, so I told her I would help her on any bases she would want aid with. YAY! I will update when more happens! We have plans to attend faire on the 13th of Feb, aka beginner garb for now!

Excellent ! Well done. Best wishes with developing her character. And to your future.
Ferret

[Sir Michael Geare]

Glad to hear that she is willing to dress up and match you.  I would suggest that you not pressure her to interact on the same level as you.  Give her time to find her own groove since it will be a new experience for her.  She is doing it for you so just enjoy the day and see how things go from there.

[Finnian]

Glad to hear that she is willing to dress up and match you.  I would suggest that you not pressure her to interact on the same level as you.  Give her time to find her own groove since it will be a new experience for her.  She is doing it for you so just enjoy the day and see how things go from there.

I don't know if she's really doing it FOR me, I think I sort of inspired her maybe? She's been doing a lot of research on her own without me saying peep. >> I'm happy if she puts up with me, let alone go to faire OR dress up. Those are just bonuses. XD

[Auryn]

I am very happy for you Finnian.
I know the feeling.
When my boyfriend and I first got together several years ago I was already a full fledged rennie.
He had never even been to faire.
When I started to explain it to him he took to it like a duck to water.
Now we go in full garb together and he sometimes spends more time online looking and thinking about garb than I do.

I really hope it works out for you.

[Finnian]

I am very happy for you Finnian.
I know the feeling.
When my boyfriend and I first got together several years ago I was already a full fledged rennie.
He had never even been to faire.
When I started to explain it to him he took to it like a duck to water.
Now we go in full garb together and he sometimes spends more time online looking and thinking about garb than I do.

I really hope it works out for you.

Yeah, she's already ordered some things for her outfit, and has sketched out some ideas for things. I can't wait! XD It should be funny since her character talks and mine doesn't. How very Marx it shall be!

[Imestra]

Finnian - do try to post pictures of you & yours as you assemble these characters.  
This sounds fantastik!!
Is it goofy that I don't really grok 'pooka wolfy'  

PS - post in Garbing forums, that would be great.

[Dayna]

You and she both may find that garb makes a big difference in "the fourth wall".  Me in civilian clothes vs me in garb are two such different sides of my personality that I have been accused of having multiple personality disorder.  Nope, got the Dr. records to prove it, it's all due to the clothes. 

In civilians I'm Dayna, dreadfully shy with rules and expectations that I must remain within.  In garb, I'm my character, out-going, flirty, ebullient, spontaneous and free to be and do whatever (within the bounds of good taste, morality and legality).

Let her take her time, encourage and praise her efforts, enlist a few "safe" people for her to start with maybe. 

[Finnian]

Personality wise....everyone who knows me in person sort of knows me only as a crazy faun XD garb is just more fur than normal, and no talking....maybe a tiny bit more sniffing things.. >> I'm a bit of an odd person in regular clothing. ^^::

She's doing well, I haven't pushed her, but she's bought some supplies and has started making stuff on her own accord, which is pretty cool. She even went ahead and took more time off so she could attend more days of faire. She's so excited!!

[Lord Clisto of York]

I have to say that even after 30 some years of marriage, My wife still isnt a rennie and isnt ever interested in being one. Although she has gone like one day every 5 years. I never pushed and I just go do my thing in and out of town by myself and always have. She doesnt hate it and likes that I like it, but thats it. Not ever been a biggie for me. I go, do my thing and enjoy.

Lord Clisto

[Finnian]

I have to say that even after 30 some years of marriage, My wife still isnt a rennie and isnt ever interested in being one. Although she has gone like one day every 5 years. I never pushed and I just go do my thing in and out of town by myself and always have. She doesnt hate it and likes that I like it, but thats it. Not ever been a biggie for me. I go, do my thing and enjoy.

Lord Clisto

Well it's cool that she's alright with it. When ever my stepfather wants to do something, like dress up for faire or something, my mother get's all nasty about how much a "waste of money it is" and blah blah. Yet the rest of us think $10,000 for a broken hot tub no one can use is a way bigger waste of money. That money could have put me through college or something lol.

[Lord Clisto of York]

I hear you Finnian. That's true.. Do I wish she had an interest? Yes.. But, its ok with me since I can just go and not have to worry about anything. At times in the past she hasnt liked some of the times I have been gone in a stretch for it, but we have talked about it ahead of time and she knows when I am going and can make any plans around it. I have also given up some faire days to do other things. But all in all she is like "have fun". Now with performing more and being paid ok for it, it all works out.

Lord Clisto