When to call it quits...

[Breandan]

I shall keep this generic as best I can, so that the situation is critiqued in an unbiased manner as best as can be achieved. Due to the backstabbing and generally immature and drama-prone behaviour of a surprisingly large number of people in certain circles, I am seriously rethinking any involvement with the entire community these circles are a part of. People have stuck their noses in my relationships- either trying to stir up drama and problems, or condemning us for our lifestyle to the point of running around telling everyone they could that we were immoral whores and the like- accused me of crimes which were blatantly false and easily shot down by witnesses- and later being busted for those very same crimes they accused me of- trying to hurt my family, my livelihood, my reputation, and even trying to break up my marriage in one case. I have been lied to and betrayed by someone I thought was a friend numerous times in that community, and have still other friends I can't trust because they won't come clean with me about their involvement in any of it. When we were at our lowest- having just lost EVERYTHING: our child, our jobs, our money, our home, our health, our dignity, etc.- someone I thought was a friend kicked me in the teeth and turned others against me over a petty, trivial matter that defies reason. Even that person's own SPOUSE cannot fathom why they chose to act the way they did.

I still see that same behaviour occurring today. I see people stab each other in the back, lie, betray, and stick their noses where they do not belong. I have made a lot of good friends in that community, and still trust some of them with my life, but I begin to wonder if it is truly worth it, or if I should step away entirely, let another dream of mine die, lose a little more of my childhood innocence perish, and spare myself and my family any further harm from that quarter. They've pushed me to that point.

[<Alex>]

  I don't know you personally and have no idea what the situation is (and don't really care to know).

 But having seen a lot of drama, my best advice is to move on. You need more than one person to start drama, and if you remove yourself from the equation, you won't be the one contributing to it. That might mean limiting or eliminating contact with people in your former circle.  It might mean taking a break from whatever activity it is you enjoy for a while. If you don't give them as much to create drama with, they can't create as much, if any.

  It can seem hard- like they're "winning", or you're "giving up" (and that is how they'll spin it), but the truth is that you're just ending the cycle by refusing to participate in it. It's worth it.  You'll be able to devote your time and effort to something more worthwhile, while they'll just move on to their next unfortunate target, and start the whole thing all over again.

[Lady Laura]

Step away?  Hell I'd run away as fast as I can.  And btw, that's why our little camp will never be a part of a clan, not that they're all bad, but the more the merrier isn't always true!

[Merlin the Elder]

It seems that there's a plethora of people who want to sit in judgment of others, regardless of their own shortcomings.  There's no real solution.

[Merlin]

Sad... faire is supposed to be a happy place away from the trials and tribulations of the real world.

I refuse to allow drama into my faire experience.

Inside the walls...I am Merlin. Very few people inside those walls know Scott. I like it that way.

[Anna Iram]

Alex, those are very, very wise words.

Breandan, regardless of the right or wrong of what is happening, when something is no longer a pleasure and you can't fix it, take a step back. Sometimes time will mend the rift, and sometimes you will find you have just outgrown the circle and another circle will appear.

[Auryn]

Breandan
I am sorry you have had to deal with so much crap.
I don't know you or the situation
but if I were you I would have gotten out of dodge after the second infraction.
I do not tolerate for people to make my life miserable for their sport
and once they started affecting or involving my spouse/family- all bets are off and retribution would have been swift and psychologically damaging- sorry I am very protective of my family.

I say cut your losses and run.
You don't need those people or that environment- they are not adding anything positive to your life.
Getting rid of the whole lot would be a positive step forward
and who knows
you might discover something else that you will love.

[eloquentXI]

I wish I could change all of these things but I know that I can't.

I had to step back and at one point whenever I thought that maybe I was done completely with the faires.

But there were people that helped me find a new perspective on it all. Spend time and your love on the people who have proven to be worth it and keep the rest at arms length. I know that you and Tiff are people in which have kept me here.

I love you both and support whatever it is that you decide or wherever that takes you.

[angusmacinnes]

Life is too short to be miserable or let anyone do that to you.  Cut your losses and move forward without em.

[BLAKDUKE]

My friend:

I use that term even though you do not know me nor I you, but you are a part of this forum so until you prove to me otherwise you are a friend.  Therefore I say to you with all affection, that if you let small minded, petty, vindictive, narrow-minded, snot nosed people chase you away from something you enjoy, then you are the loser.  I know not your situation, nor should I, but these people you speak of have to be small in number and very small in stature because I have seen no one in this forum that I think would stoop so low.  I have been wrong before and could be wrong here, but I woul cultivate other relationships here move forward.  Sometimes it's good to be stubborn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The BLAKDUKE   

[Rani Zemirah]

Those who care about you and yours are the ones whose opinions matter, and any who will believe the lies of others without seeking the truth of a matter are not people you either need or want in your lives.  You have friends here, true friends, and no one can damage those relationships, because true friends just don't put up with that sort of interference!  It's possible to limit your interactions with individuals within a group... and to keep them at arms length.  Don't let the actions of habitual troublemakers drive you away from friends and family/fairmily.  You've got far more fight in you than that...

[DonaCatalina]

You have had a lot of good advice here so I won't be repetitious except to tell you that I hope you don't give up on the faire experience you enjoy because of a few rotten apples.
I ache for you because I know pretty much how you feel.

[Laird Fraser of Lovatt]

Breandan,

I'm not sure what happened, recently, to bring this to a head but i have some small knowledge of a couple of the things you are referring to.  I never thought I'd hear YOU utter these words but i don't blame you in the least.  You know that I've had my own issues and I've put some of them to rest( I hate baggage trailing along behind me) and i know you've tried to do the same. Honor, loyalty, duty and compassion are all words that i assocate with you and your family.  All i can say is that I second Meggers comments and stand ready if I'm needed. 


*Let me know whose legs need breaking... I've been wanting to try out my CS warhammer  *

[Hospitaller]

Breandan,

As DonnaC states - lots of good advice in the previous posts - so I won't add anything other than, I don't know your situation, but from what I have seen of your attitude in these forums, you do not deserve any portion of what you described. You have our full and unbiased support!

No matter what you have to do, we will have your "six".

[Breandan]

Just to be clear, the issues weren't with any of the camping clans. I won't name names, as that would, frankly, be tacky and beneath me, but it has more to do with certain unofficial social cliques and individuals with a common trait of thinking that they somehow stand above others and look down their nose at them with moral superiority, despite the utter mess most of their own lives are in. In two cases, it also includes lying sacks of offal who will pretend to be your friend to your face, then throw you under the bus when you're not looking. One of them still works at faire, the other was- until recently- banned from it due to his own delusional behaviour. So no, this has nothing to do with McLot, PR, McShuggenah, etc.