Adopt a Rennie

[Hey- Arent You?]

Too funny not to post.  Admins should feel free to move it to a better place, but please leave till the locals have read.

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Welcome

Congratulations on your decision to adopt a Rennie! Many of these
fascinating creatures are in need of good homes where they will be
loved and cared for.

While keeping a Rennie can be expensive, time consuming, and
sometimes confusing, the results can be well worth all the effort.

A well turned out Rennie who is happy and healthy is amazing to watch
in action.

The guidelines below will help you care for your new charge, but they
are only guidelines.

Every Rennie is quite unique and you should get to know your Rennie's
personal
quirks, preferences and skills.

Introduction

The most important step in caring for your Rennie is selecting the
right one. Rennies come in many varieties. You will find them of both
sexes, and in every imaginable size, color, age, health and plumage.

But, far more important than their physical differences are the
differences in their personalities.

Every Rennie has a very unique
set of skills, preferences and attitudes, and you need to take these
into consideration as you make your choice.

If you have a nervous condition, a Daredevil Rennie is not for you.

Likewise, do not adopt a Fighter Rennie unless you have a large yard
in which he or she can chase around other Rennies with a sword.

If you have small children in the house, you might prefer to adopt a
Rennie other than the Arms Collector, and if you like your nights
silent, keep in mind that Stitching Rennies are known to stay up
quite late, whirring away at their machines, punctuated by occasional
loud bouts of cursing.

Food & Drink
Once you have selected a Rennie and brought him or her home, your
first concern may be, "What do I feed this strange creature?"
Luckily, most Rennies are not picky about what they eat, and indeed,
will consume with relish most anything you offer them.

Do not be afraid to offer your Rennie exotic or strange foods.
They have a highly developed sense of adventure and will likely at
least try
whatever it is.
Keep in mind, that through some strange quirk, your
Rennie will enjoy almost any food more if it is presented on a stick.

Your Rennie requires large quantities of water. Your Rennie will
want large quantities of liquor. There is a very fine balance
between the two
that you must find to keep your Rennie (and in cases of more
belligerent Rennies, yourself)
happy and healthy.

Rennies are very affectionate creatures, and will often cuddle and
love on you for treats.
Favorite treats tend towards chocolate or
nice liquor, though your Rennie may have different favorites.
Recently, several varieties of Rennie have developed a taste for
Sushi, so you may wish to try that as well.

Sleep
While your Rennie may seem to have inexhaustible supplies of
energy, they need a good night's sleep like any other creature. When
they are having fun, but are exhausted, usually at the end of a faire
day, they may behave much like a 4-year-old, insisting on staying up
and playing, "just a few more minutes." It is advised that you be
firm with your Rennie and insist that they come home and go to bed.

It is also advised that this will almost never work, and when it
does, Rennie goodbyes have been know to take upwards to two hours at
a large gathering. Sit down near the door and have another drink.

Grooming
Rennies take great joy in grooming both themselves and others and
can take hours to prepare in the morning. Rennie females, in
particular will often need the help of others in preparing for the
day.
While they may seem inconsequential or frivolous to you, each
pin, knot, and accessory is very important to your Rennie.
When your Rennie is being slow in the morning, exhortations of "Hurry
up!" will
not speed matters along.
"What can I hold/tie/pin/pull/lace?" will work much more efficiently.

That being said, by the end of that self-same day, your Rennie may
be unrecognizably dirty, disheveled and grungy, though likely quite
happy.
While Rennies appreciate and enjoy a shower or bath every day,
like sleep, this is not always something they feel is required.

If your Rennie shows no inclination to bathe after a long day,
helping
them undress and drawing a bath or starting the shower for them may
encourage them to get clean.
Please note that your Rennie will take great joy in all their
clothing and accessories, and will constantly want to be adding to
the horde.
Every once in a while, please go through all your
Rennies "garb" with them and help them to let go of pieces they no
longer wear.

Promising to donate the pieces to another Rennie will
help ease the pain of separation, as will offering to replace it with
something the Rennie likes better.

New garb can work as a treat even better than chocolate or liquor.

Under no circumstances get rid of anything from a Rennies garb
without their knowledge and permission unless you want your sweet
happy Rennie to instantly transform into Furious Rabid Fighter Rennie
and attempt to take of your head.

Communicating with Your Rennie
Rennies are extremely intelligent, and will likely understand
everything you say, possibly in several languages. It is far more
likely that you will not understand your Rennie when they are
speaking in BFA, Gaelic, Romany or some other obscure or not so
obscure language.
Also, they can get quite animated when speaking about their favorite
hobbies or most history.

The correct response to almost anything from, "I can't do French
seams in the gussets in that camica because the twill is too thick to
turn twice," to "Henry VIII
and Cardinal Richelieu weren't even alive at the same time, and
France and England were at war in 1620! They can't put the Musketeers
in England!!!!" is a nodding of the head and saying, "Yes, yes, of
course.

There are two terms your Rennie may use frequently that you will
need to be familiar with right off.
The first is a loud exclamation of "HUZZAH!" This is a Rennie sound
of joy and excitement, something you wish to hear often. The second
is "privy." Your Rennie is asking where the bathroom is, and you'd
best show them quickly unless you
want to be cleaning up Rennie messes.

Eliminating in garb can be a difficult and time consuming process.

All other terms can usually be picked up with familiarity.

Your Rennie and Play

Rennies have a highly developed sense of play and will often play
any opportunity they get. The idea of what is play varies greatly
from one Rennie to the next, though they will almost always be
happier to play in groups.

Some may enjoy contact juggling, some fencing, some equestrian
pursuits, some computer games. However, nearly all Rennies, whether
or not they are skilled, thoroughly enjoy the arts of Music and
Flirting.

Given a good tune and the opportunity to sing, stomp or clap along,
most Rennies will be quite happy. Likewise, what may seem to the
untrained observer as heavy duty
sexual harassment is usually two Rennies who have missed each other's
company greeting one another.

Unless your Rennie looks truly upset, it is better to leave him or
her alone in these situations.

See more under the Breeding section.

Your Rennie also loves toys. Amongst Rennies, favored toys may be
sharp, shiny, pointy, sparkly, made of wood, leather, metal, pottery
or fur.
Get to know your Rennie to discover his or her particular
preferences.

Illness, Injury, and Keeping Your Rennie Healthy

For some reason not yet determined by modern science, Rennies seem
to have a slightly greater concentration of diseases, which range
from irritating to debilitating, than those not of the breed.

Common ailments can include hypoglycemia, fibromyalgia, MS, diabetes,
osteoporosis and a range of bum knees, trick elbows and the like.
These will likely only slow your Rennie down, not stop them
completely.
Your Rennie and others around him or her are usually well advised on
the maladies in the group and will band together to take care of one
of their number that is ill or injured, so that they can all return
to the fun as soon as possible.
An injured Rennie is for some reason fairly happy.

They do like to show off gruesome scars and talk about their gory
wounds. Should your
Rennie become injured, your best course of action is to simply dress
the wound, give them a drink of water and then your Rennie will go
back to whatever it was doing.

Except in the cases of extreme injury, they tend to be a hardy breed.

To keep your Rennie as healthy as possible, make sure that he or she
drinks plenty of water, gets lots of rest and exercise and limit heir
consumption of fried food on a stick.

Keep the supplies for dealing with heat stroke, sunburn, dehydration
and hypothermia on
hand, as these are the most frequent complaints. Make your Rennie
wear sunscreen. He or she will protest this. Make them do it anyway.
Make them reapply frequently and when they get burned anyway, make
them put on Aloe gel. They will protest this as well. Insist.
While Rennies are extremely intelligent, sometimes they're not very
smart.

Breeding your Rennie

Nearly all Rennies love children, whether or not they have one of
their own. They like to play with children, talk to children and show
children things that interest them as adults.
The adult Rennies overdeveloped sense of play makes them perfect
companions for
children, barring a tendency amongst the entire breed to curse.
A Rennie child very nearly is raised by a village and may have dozens
of Aunties and Uncles not related to them by blood scattered all over
the continent.

Despite decades of observation by many interested parties, no one has
yet determined a successful program for breeding Rennies.

Their sense of high drama, passionate natures, and overly
affectionate friendships have clouded the issue so deeply that it is
still a mystery how they manage to breed at all. So, should you wish
to breed your Rennie, it is suggested that you adopt an already mated
pair. Even that is no guarantee of success.
You Rennie may have its own ideas about breeding. The best course of
action to take should this happen is to stand back and observe your
Rennie closely.

In the event of a heartbreak step in and feed your Rennie his or her
favorite treats. While this will probably not heal your Rennie, it
will make them more pleasant to be around until they find another
potential mate.

Conclusion
While the above may make adopting a Rennie seem daunting, it is an
enterprise with great rewards. They are attractive, affectionate
creatures, who will brighten your life for many years to come.

Thank you for your interest.

[Lord Figaro]

It's a funny read, but  it's been posted at least twice that I know of.  Once in the mundane boards, and the second in John's inn.

[Mistress Charlotte]

It's a funny read, but  it's been posted at least twice that I know of.  Once in the mundane boards, and the second in John's inn.

That may be, but it's the first time I've seen it.  Thanks for posting Adam..... Very funny.

[Lord Figaro]

Didn't mean to offend, just one of the board rules is not to double post. I was trying to suggest, maybe to put a link from here, to the area of the boards where it was originally posted. No biggie though.

[Awen]

Thanks, Adam! I sent it to my fiance who will be having his first "rennie" experience at Palisade in a few weeks. Best that he know what he's about to get into