I admit it... I'm scared

[Rani Zemirah]

Half a bottle!?! Sounds like just the stuff, Zaubon!

(I wonder how much that'll loosen a kilt???)

Oh yes....... I never got that dance from you, either... did I???

Ok, line form to the right...

Muaahahahahahahaha...... !!!

[Zaubon]

You didn't come to the campfire last Friday or Saturday. How can you see the dance when you're not there?

[Rani Zemirah]

I'm sorry, Z, but I am just a bit occupied most weekends... but last weekend was spent stoking my own personal Fire (I had a fever of 102* most of the time)!

Besides, those two particular dances were offered to me, and if I am not in attendance then they don't count, and must be performed again while I am at the Fire... So Say I, and none to say me nay!!! Not to worry, though, I have banished Haggis from the dance for a day or two, and I shall be in attendance this weekend as much as possible! Dance on!!!

[Zaubon]

We have a place for Haggis to do his thing now http://www.renaissancefestival.com/forums/index.php?topic=5008.0

[Rani Zemirah]

Zaubon has created a wondrous realm where we may Drum and Dance around the Fire, and in a place where there pain or fear may not intrude (unless requested by recalcitrant dancers and administered by my Whip, of course...).

Follow the link, and help create the Circle!!!

[Fairyfly]

*Starts herding the dancers to the refreshment tables in the new Drum Circle area*

Don't worry, they'll be all rested and ready to go when they are needed again. Should any of the ladies have need of practice with either whip or flogger, the dancers will be waiting in the wood around the new circle. 

[Rani Zemirah]

This fire in my brain is raging full force tonight, and I ache as though something is stripping the veins from my flesh and prying my bones apart... and no amount of ibuprofen slows it, or even makes a dent!

102* again, for a few hours now...

Surely this must presage some transmutation... I wonder what I will be when I am done with all this???

[Lord Clisto of York]

I have the most incredibly amazing news... EVAR!!!!!!!

IT'S GONE!!!!!!! Undetectable levels in the blood, that's what the labs I took last week said!!!!!!! The virus is gone, and my chemo will only have to last the original 24 weeks, instead of the 72 they recently said it might have to last if I couldn't clear it right away! I still have to take the maintenance doses for another 16 weeks... but I no longer have the killer in my body!!!!!!!

Sorry, reaction is finally setting in, and I'm starting to cry!!!

I am so thankful to each of you who have been here for me, and who I'm sure will continue to be here through the rest of my treatments, and I just want you all to know how much you all mean to me, and how much every word you have all written here has lifted me out of myself and helped to make me whole again!!! Thanks to you all I have laughed until I cried many times, I have cried and you have comforted me, I have found my way out of the wilderness and to the flame of lasting friendship and I have had more fun than someone so ill should ever have expected to have!!!

We're not done yet... but when the chemo is over for good and I am healthy again, I have promised myself to ask admin if we can move this thread to John's Inn and rename it something that has absolutely nothing to do with fear!!! Will any of you make the trip with me???

My good Rani,

  I have sat following this post of yours from the beginning and thinking on what to say to you about what you had to face and were going through, and the more I saw what you wrote, I saw I didn't have to say anything. You did all the work yourself in expressing how you felt, what you wanted to happen, how the people around you helped and everything. I saw your own strength you didn't know you even had spill forth and take over making you stronger and get through this situation. If this were not to have been so, I would have interveined with what wisdom I could have offered. I say this because I went through cancer treatemnt a year and a half ago and know what feelings you had. Although mine didn't need chemo, the radiation still reared its effects. I was given the all clear last May 5th. So I can relate and would have tried to help you through. And having certain CLOSE friends helps. But by watching your openness in your writings here I knew, even though you didnt yourself, that you had the strong mind already in the works. I am pleased at your outcome and pray the rest goes well and you continue to be healthy. Oh, and by the way, one thing that REALLY helps keep feelings in check during things like this, is to write down all your feelings and thoughts in a journal every day. Believe me it is like a (no pun intended here) shot in the arm in coping and feeling emotionally stronger. HUZZAH to you for your strength and positive attitude!!!!

Be Well,dear lady
Lord Sir Clisto of York

[Rani Zemirah]

My Dear Sir Clisto,

Thank you so much for your kind words, and for sharing a little of your own ordeal. I can't even imagine having to face radiation, but I am so glad you didn't need chemo as well! And congratulations on getting the all clear! That is wonderful news, and I'm so happy for you!!! My wish for you is that you never be troubled by this shadow again, and your life be long, happy, healthy, and full of love and laughter, Sir!!!

I have been thankful every day for not only those who post here in support of me, but also for those hundreds of silent readers who have viewed this thread thousands of times, and sent so much healing my way. I will never know exactly who to thank for this outpouring of love, strength and well wishes, but I know they are all fellow rennies, which strengthens my conviction that we are an amazing group of individuals, united in our love of Faire and our bonds with each other, even though most have never, and may never, meet in the flesh!

When I first started this thread, I must admit it was simply a way to express my pain, fear and self-pity at the ordeal I was facing, but it quickly became something so different, and that is because of the overwhelming flood of support, prayers and well wishes I have received, both posted and silent, and though people say I have so much strength, I know it has mostly come from all of you who send it to me daily! This support, and my own illness, have also helped me to strengthen my compassion for others in need, and caused me to recall the power of positive energy and healing prayer, and if I had received nothing else from the experience, I would be eternally grateful for that gift. I feel my own connection to the Universe more strongly than ever before in my life now, and understand that when we are ready we may receive the gifts it has in store for us...

Thank you for being with me through this, and for your support and friendship, spoken or not! I owe so much to so many, and I will carry that debt with gratitude and humility, now and always...


Blessings,
Rani Zemirah

[Lady Amy of York]

Rani,
     I am sorry i did not post sooner girlfriend. I am estactic  over the  good  news over your latest blood  test results.  Yea, yea, and  yea !
    Heading over to the  fire  circle  to celebrate  good  news !
   Now  we  just need  to get rid of  that fever of  yours.  Have  to be  well  for  Christmas  !  You never know  who  you may  find  under  the  miseltoe  you  know   
Hugs  hon !
 

[Peddlin]

Dearest Rani -

What wonderous news! I am so happy that your illness has been subdued, and of course, it will take a while to purge your system of the poisons that were used to destroy that illness, but now you know that it worked, and soon, you will be on top of the world again. What a wonderful Christmas gift for us all!

I would also like to say thank you for allowing me to be part of your support system. Reading about what you have been going through, and experiencing that and the reactions of all of the participants on this thread, has somewhat restored my faith in the human race. It is so good to watch people, most of whom have never met, care so much and support each other, with no expectation of compensation or personal glory, but just because they feel compassion for another human being. I would like to thank you all for helping to restore a little of my lost faith in humanity.

You are all amazing! HUZZAH to you all, and may the "Powers That Be" bless us everyone!

And Rani - You Go Girl!

Peddlin

[Rani Zemirah]

Amy,
Thank you so much for continuing to post here through all of your own trials and hardships. Your strength and compassion truly inspire me, as does your sense of fun and humor!!! You just continue to amaze me on a daily basis, my friend, and I try to model my attitude after yours! The fever is something I just have to live with for 3 days a week until they let me stop the treatments, because it's my body's immune response to the chemo, but it will stop once the treatments stop, so I can live with knowing what causes them, and when they will end... At least the holidays are during the week this year, so I don't have to worry about being ill during them!

Oh... and there's only one person I want to catch under the mistletoe, and since he can't be here with me, I'll just have to kiss my computer screen, I guess... LOL   

Peddlin,
Thanks for all your wonderful support and kindness through all this, and, while I still have 15 weeks of treatment left to go, it is in the knowledge that it has all been worth it, and will continue to be worth it, now that I know it really has done it's job!

I agree with your opinion of all the wonderful people who have posted, and continue to post, here. They are truly amazing, compassionate and selfless to have given so much of themselves, their time and their loving kindness to someone they didn't even know, and to all the others in the Candles forum where they post regularly, as well! I second your wish for blessings upon each of them, and I pray that this Holiday Season, and every day of their lives, be filled with Joy and Blessings!!!

Thanks, my friends... you all lift me up!

[Lady Amy of York]

Thanks  for  the  compliment girlfriend.   But are you forgetting someone.   YOU !   You, my friend  are also a true  inspiration.      Hugs  to  you   !

[Lord Clisto of York]

Yes, just like I stated in my post that you actually took he control even though you didnt know you were and not only inspired everyone around you but yourself as well. So yes, as Lady Amy said, hats off to you.

Now, Someone mentioned about dancing around the fire circle. Does this happen to involve any nudity? Cause I must be there to make sure it is done properly....

[kcdcchef]

been reading this thread for a couple of months now, didnt comment because dont really know you or your flock of rennies, but chemo is scary, and nothing can change that.

my doctor put me on an oral chemotheraphy regiment, 250mg a day to prevent my UC from becoming a full blown colon cancer, and the side effects suck, but everyday i just keep myself motivated, and realize that no amounts of chemo or intraveinous remakade ( another lovely chemo drug ) will scare me into giving up. life is short, and ultra precious.

your story is inspirational. or as we used to hear, "gettin' by with a little help from my friends..........."