Sir Dragon has passed

[Baroness de Vale]

My deepest sympaties Lady! You are in our thoughts and prayers!

[Lady_Glorianna]

It has been a very hard week. For the first two days, I felt like doing nothing. On Wednesday, I had to take the death certificate to his employer and just being there made me tear up. A second errand just sent me over the edge for the rest of the day. Yesterday, I had to go to my job for of all things a fire extinguisher training. They did have a Halloween luch and in honor of Ron I wore my renaissance dress. Needless to say everyone was thoroughly impressed (they awarded me the winer of the costume contest-I made $13) and went to even admire my husband even more which was good but as soon as I came home, I crashed. Today, I went to register his will, and as soon as I had to hand out the death certificate and my copy of the cremation bill, I could not stop myself anymore and started to cry. Here in MD, his assests are any property that was solely in his name or shared with someone other than me and any benefit with a beneficiary other than me. They ask for the funeral bill beause that is the first and the one major bill against the estate. In any case, I rgained my composure and went on until a good and a good/bad thing; good that he had a will so I am his sole heir otherwise his undeserving family might have received something and good/bad that he ended up being worth $1665 so he is classified as a small estate and there are no public announcements. It also meant paying the county only $16.65. Bad that he was and is so much more to me. Then I went to the supermarket and found myself remembering all the times and the things I would get for him and you guessed it, I started to cry... 

PS note that the commercials are right about social security and you only get $255 for funeral but only if you are the spouse or a child entitled to receive benefits

[mollymishap]

Oh, Gloria...I can only begin to imagine what you're going through...and yet you found the energy to post.  Thank you.  I've been wondering how you were doing...it's to be expected, and yet still--it's SO hard to lose a loved one...the tears, they don't bring relief, just more tears.  And then there's the numbness, the sense of disbelief, the feeling like they'll come home any minute...and they don't...they can't.  Please continue to post, as much as you probably just want to crawl in a hole, and just hide, please don't.  Please continue to write, talk, whatever...and as hard as I imagine it must have been to wear the dress he made, it was a WONDERFUL way to commemorate him.  I imagine it made him smile.  <<HUGS>> to you.

[Lady_Glorianna]

What speaks volumes and makes this ever so hard for me is the deep love and admiration we felt for one another, that to the very end he was trying to protect me and take care of me. The day we got to hospice he made sure everyone knew I have a back injury and that they should look out that I not do anything to hurt myself even more. It seemed that he was waiting to be reassured by everyone that I would be taken care off before he could go. One of his social workers wrote me "Your love for one another could be felt by anyone merely in your presence..."

I know it is just to recent, so I am allowed but its just that I cannot stop myself from breaking down at least three times a day.

[girlmacbeth]

I'm truly sorry for your lose but rest sure he is happy ,healthy and at peace in heaven.

[mollymishap]

I hear you.  It's such a rare thing, that which we call "True Love"...how can anyone who's ever loved so deeply not be untouched by the loss of their soulmate?  I put myself in your shoes, as I have since you first posted about his diagnosis, and I don't know how I would manage without my sweetheart.

So when you write that you can't stop from breaking down three times a day it makes me think that I don't know anyone (that has ever truly loved) who could fault you for breaking down even if it were three times an HOUR! 

If Ron were here to ask, I imagine he'd probably say, "Don't cry" (or would he have said, "No llores"?) because we don't want to think of ourselves as causing pain to those we love.  But you know what?  Your grief is only matched by the love you had for each other.  So go ahead and cry, break down, whatever you have to do.  Just keep doing the things you both loved, wear the clothes he made for you, and in his memory, LIVE on. 

I never met him in person, only through his posts on this forum, but from what you & others have written about him, I fancy that's what he would have wanted for you: for you to be healed.  Of course it hurts right now, the wounds are too fresh.  Don't blame yourself for feeling the pain of them, but wear them proudly as the badge of "True Love"...you will never forget him, of course not...but in time, everything is possible if you can first imagine it.  So imagine yourself healing--in body, mind and spirit--and in time the tears will lessen, the pain will dull, and life will go on if *you* will it to.

None of us can dictate the end of grief.  I imagine you've shed enough tears to fill a pool or two, and yet more will come, they have to.  The pain has to find expression...but you don't have to feel it alone.  And in that spirit, here's a virtual CRATE of Kleenex--oops!  Sorry, I only have "Puffs"--here's a virtual CRATE of "Puffs" tissues for you to use in loving memory of Ron.  Please forgive the ones that are missing from the top.  I know I've used a few for both of you, as have others here. 

<<HUGS>> to you, Gloria.  Post back soon.