Sorry if I anger anyone by starting another thread but Well, i"m devastated today. This afternoon we saw his doctor and it sounded like this is it...quality of life,make him comfortable, so on and so forth...he is getting chemo tomorrow and when we see the doc again in two weeks he will most likely order another PET and then we will discuss from that. As we were told to live as normal, we are both shedule to begin working this Saturday at the Maryland Renaissance Festival. He wanted it that way but now it looks like he won't make it and he won't let me quit! How can I go on without him ??? :'( :'( :'( :'(
I know it's not the same m'luv, but you have all of us to look to for support. Some of us have been through this although most of us have not. The best way to honor your man is to continue. . .just like he wants you to.
Anything Cyn and I can do, just ask.
I'm speechless...
My Deepest Condolences...my Prayers of Strength for You.
I'm so sorry to hear, will be praying for you both.
Oh dear. I'm so sorry. It must be so hard to "carry on as normal" as normal no longer exists. I think your husband would be glad you are able to enjoy faire even if he needs to stay quietly at home. Perhaps your bringing home happy stories will help him get through the chemo. Let him share in happier moments with you.
I`am so sorry to hear this kind of news I will be praying for you both., as I know you must rolling with all kinds of emotions, I pray for peace for the both of you
Wow. Glorianna, take care of yourself.
Having been in a situation of critical illness when I was quite dependent on others, I will say it can be a relief to have some time away from the concerned or sorrowful looks of others (which are inevitable--you shouldn't berate yourself for not "being strong") and it's good to know they at times cast aside the burden you pose for them. So do go to faire--or perhaps to visit friends if faire is too jarring on your spirits.
My heart goes out to you m'dear. I live every day with the sad knowledge that my husband is living with a quarter of a working heart relying on a defibrillator to keep it in rhythm. The is no more the doctors say they can do. We too were told live each day normally. No one understands but those who have been there... there is no normal, there is only now.
I agree with what queen of Navaree and Tremayne say, for having been a victim of illness myself, i know it made me happy when i saw my love ones around me happy. I ordered my husband to go out and do things that he wanted to do. It helped him to relax, and it actually made me feel better and helped me to relax , by knowing that he was relaxing abit.
I know this is easier said then done. I know you probably hate to leave him too. Plus i know you will feel awkward being there without him. Everyone's situation is different.
I don't know what character you play at faire or what your contract is like. Could you maybe only work one day on the weekend instead of both ?
My heart goes out to you both. I keep praying for a miracle for the two of you. I hate that devil they call " cancer ."
Know that you both will always be in my prayers along with many others on here. We are your family hon, and dont ever feel bad about posting on here.
Let us be here to pray for you and console you.
you ever nedd someone to talk too, you can ren mail me anytime.
Hugs and love to you both, and may some one up above her these prayers and help guide you and comfort you.
Big Hug ! - Amy
I am so sorry to hear the news. But he wants you to do the show, and you honor him by doing it. Although each situation is different, I lost my beloved husband last September during the run of Michigan. I flew home for 10 days, then came back and finished the run of MiRF. Why? Because that's what he would have wanted me to do. A lot of people didn't understand, but those who knew my husband never questioned the decision. And I knew, as hard as it was, that I was honoring him and the sacrifice he made to have me away from home for two months every year to do this show.
My prayers are with you. Live every moment to make memories.
I am so sorry to hear the news. My heart and thoughts go out to the both of you and your families.
Both of you are in my prayers.
Lady Glorianna,
I don't know what to say either except Wow.I know it's hard on you right now watching Sir Dragon suffer like this but just know that he is in good hands.I am so sorry to hear of this anyway,My heart goes out to you during this difficult time and I will definitely say a prayer for the both of you.
You will both be in my prayers.
Quote from: Queen_of_Navarre on August 20, 2008, 10:54:55 PM
My heart goes out to you m'dear. I live every day with the sad knowledge that my husband is living with a quarter of a working heart relying on a defibrillator to keep it in rhythm. The is no more the doctors say they can do. We too were told live each day normally. No one understands but those who have been there... there is no normal, there is only now.
That's about the only thing I understand; the fact that I haven't been through it and that I don't understand. I'm afraid that knowing that I don't know what to say has been keeping me from saying much of anything. I even hate to say this much, fearing that it will cause Lady Glorianna to launch into the "Don't worry about not knowing what to say" speech that she much give on a daily basis. I don't know how I would handle it were I on either side of the equation; I only hope I would be able to summon up a tenth of the courage and dignity I've seen every time I've talked with them this past year or so.
Lady Glorianna, as long as you're working faire without him, make sure to bring back as many stories from faire as you can.
Take care, and if you need anything ask.
I know I only saw you from afar this weekend and apologise for not making it over to give you a big bear hug. I promise to catch you this week. Much love to you and Ron. Let us know if you need anything.
I shall keep you in my thoughts and pray for you both.
Sending a great many Angels to watch over you both!
irish
As per his wishes, I have been working at the renaissance festival without him with the exception of today. He never asked me to stay home but by the way he was saying things and his body language I could tell he wanted me to stay. A lot of people at the festival (co-workers and faire goers) know about him and have told me that they are praying for us, that they are there for us and that if I need anything just to ask but what I want nobody can give, I need my husband. I need him. Some have asked if I am prepared for what is to come, to which I answer no. Can you be prepared for this? How can you be totally prepared for losing the best person to have come into your life aside from your parents? How do prepare for the loss of your husband and best friend, for the person that knows you better that anyone? When asking some how to describe my husband, I keep getting remarks referencing his love and devotion to me or how close we are. Chemo is not working. He spends most of the time in bed and in pain. I am crying every day at least once and he does too almost every day too saying he doesn't want to die and that he doesn't want to leave me. We see the doctor this week and I know he is going to ask about the final process because in his own words he doesn't know if he has days, weeks or even months but he sure as h*** knows he doesn't have years. As I was writing this he came into the room and we ended up crying together. I cannot mask my feelings or lie to him, he know me too well. He doesn't want to go but I know is more for me than for himself. I know when he goes he will not suffer anymore and he will be ok, I know I have to let him go, I just don't know if or how well I will manage....
I am so sorry, Lady Glorianna. It's heartbreaking to even think of what you are going through. My thoughts are with you both in this most difficult time.
I'll second Lady Nicolette on that as well.Lady Gloriana I to am so sorry that you are having to go through this right now and you are right that no one can really ever prepare for the loss of a loved one especially the one you love the most.I will say lots and lots of prayers for you and Sir Dragon both and know that I am always here for you if you need a friend or someone to talk to.
Lady Glorianna, it was a pleasure meeting you this weekend. I so wish that there was a way to take your pain away. She seem to be one of the sweetest people that I have met and it was a honor to spend a few moments of time with you. TimT and I are praying for a different outcome but also for strength for you to be able to handle what my come.
As someone who has lost their mother to cancer when I was only 20 and am watching TimT's sister fight to get in remission, I can tell you that cancer sucks and is a very cruel disease.
Please accept our hugs and our love again. Please remember that if you are ever in Richmond, Va to look us up.
Lady Glorianna
I started to respond to you many times today.
I wish I was smart enough to write the words that would comfort you.
Cross your bridges one at a time. Your journey will be easier.
Should you come to the bridge that leads you to grieve, it is okay. Crying and going through this will help you. There is no set time either, everyone of us is different. Allow yourself the healing process.
Have faith in yourself.
In the past I'm sure you have been there for friends, family, spiritual guidance. Call on them, so they may be allowed to be there for you.
I'm writing this from my heart, in hopes of helping you. I once walked a path worse than yours. And I tell you from experience, you will manage.
Ferret
Dear Lord,
Grant this woman, the peace, strength, courage , and wisdom, to face what she is going thru right now.
Dear Lord,
We still ask and prayer for a miracle for Sir Dragon and to give him the strength,and courage to fight this evil monster they call cancer.
Dear Lord,
I ask you to help the doctors and scientists out ther to find a cure for cancer. I am tired of seeing friends suffer.
Hugs, and love. Know that you are still in my prayers !
Quote from: Ferret on September 02, 2008, 11:05:07 PM
Cross your bridges one at a time. Your journey will be easier.
Should you come to the bridge that leads you to grieve, it is okay. Crying and going through this will help you. There is no set time either, everyone of us is different. Allow yourself the healing process.
This reminds me of the analogy I was going to make, about my answer to people who ask me if I'm taking care of my cold, whenever I come down with something.
Sure am, I reply. I cough and sneeze for it whenever it wants me to.
Sometimes that's all you can do.
Quote from: Lady Amy of York on September 02, 2008, 11:19:18 PM
Dear Lord,
Grant this woman, the peace, strength, courage , and wisdom, to face what she is going thru right now.
Dear Lord,
We still ask and prayer for a miracle for Sir Dragon and to give him the strength,and courage to fight this evil monster they call cancer.
Dear Lord,
I ask you to help the doctors and scientists out ther to find a cure for cancer. I am tired of seeing friends suffer.
AMEN!
(((HUGS))))
Ron has remained in my prayers and I pray that a miracle occurrs and he beats this. Just know that whatever the outcome just know that we are here for both of you. We love you and pray for you both. I hope to see you both this weekend at faire.
Sir Dragon (Ron) is off chemo and into hospice care at home. Ron asked about it and the doctor agreed that this is the best direction to take at this time. :'( :'(
My heart goes out to you, Lady G, and you both are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hang in there Lady G.I will continue to keep you and Sir Dragon (Ron) in my thoughts and prayers.
Dearest Lady,
I too have started several times to write the words in my heart and have found them lacking. Having had several experiences with what you are going through now and having worked in Hospice with cancer and Palliative patients you see how multi-faceted life and death are, one blurring into the next and transforming all around not only the person dealing with the illness. It's a hard thing to say but it is true...no one gets out of "Life" alive...we were never guaranteed "Forever" in body...but in Spirit and Love...that is another matter. The words "In sickness and health, till Death do you part" is only a fragment of the true bond between those who love...for not even Death can part you. I truly know how hard this is, and in working with Hospice patients, I have had to read many books regarding the subject you are now dealing with. As the "Good Book" says...to every thing there is a season
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
Know that you and your wonderful husband are being held in loving, healing hands of those who love you. Prayers are being sent as is strength and comfort and do things in your own time.
My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Morgan
We cannot banish dangers, but we can banish fears. We must not demean life by standing in awe of death. ~David Sarnoff
((HUG))
This awful disease has affected my family too....you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. Your R/F family is here for you, Milady.
I am really mad at his family, especially his mom, his dad and sis yourger sister and so is he. Actually he is more disappointed than mad. All he wnated was to leave me with more than just debts and the way he sought to do that was to secure that what he would have inherited from his mother would come to me. His parents are divorced and his father cheated on his mom every which way she could but I guess his words are still more vaild to her than anything her son could say. His father, his current wife and his sister got to her and told her who knows what so that his mom cut me out of her will. She did this back in June and even though they talked evry other day, she never said anything. Even when we hired a lawyer and paid extra to look into it, she never said anyhting. We learned of it from said lawyer on Friday. He felt so stupid and after talking to his mom to confirm it, he just broke down and went so far as to refusing any further treatment and wanting to die right there. This is what I cannot forgive them for. It took me an hour to convince him to go ahead with the hospice treatment and I had to sit there while he cried for two hours. He felt betrayed, like he had no parents anymore. He has given me strict orders that if they call the cel phones, to let it go to voice mail and if they call the house to say he cannot come to the phone. He went as far as to ask me not call them when he passes but after all is done. For the first time through all the struggles that have been since his diagnosis in January 2007, his sister calls and the first thing she says is "you know Gloria is not getting anything right?" She had called to gloat. It is not about the money (nothing was mine to begin with and I never expected anything from his mother) but bout their going behind his back and against his wishes without a word. He has also asked that I not let them know how much they hurt him. I know I should try to reconcile them but really I dont feel like it at all.
You know, one of the (dark) jokes I tell myself when I get caught up in my wife's medical condition, or my own medical condition, or the way my job just screwed us over on health insurance, is that no matter how bad it gets, it pales in comparison with what you and Ron are going through. You are the last people in the world needing even more crap heaped up on them. I would not blame you for never having any contact with these people ever again. The sole thing I would feel the need to communicate to them would be what you communicated to us: that it's not about the money but about their going behind his back and against his wishes without a word.
If it makes you feel better, curse and shout. Hell, spend some time over at the online Elizabethan Curse Generator and see what it comes up with ;)
Lady Glorianna I am so sorry to hear this.This is last thing that you and Sir Dragon need right now with everything that is going on with you two.I I will continue to say and prayer for the two of you and may God Bless you both.
His mother managed to hurt him again >:( We had had a good day, we got the handicap permits very easily with no hassles, gone to have lunch and had planned to go the renaissance festival tomorrow. Well, my darling Ron thinking that since his mother has mobility problems she could just as easily get and be helped byt said permit, called her to tell her all about it. One thing led to another and he let her know how much she hurt him and now he felt. Well, apparently she did not care and showed no remorse and even told him some trash about me. He told her he could not talk anymore and hung up. Then he proceeded to cry and to say he wanted to die, that he knew that I loved him but that today he had confirmed that he had lost the love of his mother, that she does not love him. I have managed to calm him down, again and he is resting. Me ??? I am furious. This is the second time and I know feel like I will never be able to forgive her and definitely do not want to have anything to do with her. On the other hand, I have to cool off since we are going to her house this Sunday to get his property out. I am just hoping that she behaves :-X
Lady Glorianna, I am so sorry you have to have such extra stress dealing with the current problems.
I know you are furious at her but I have to say I feel sorry for her because she obviously just doesn't get it. With her son in the condition he is in and to treat him that way is just so sad. I'm so sorry to hear you have one more piece of added stress to your life. You and Ron are and remain in our prayers.
I am sorry to hear the latest news. The both of you continue to be in my prayers. Hugs and love to you both.
To echo what Master James and Lady Amy of York said this latest news is the absolute last thing that you and Sir Dragon need right now in your lives with all that is going on right now.The two of you will remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Lady G., please convey my thanks to Sir Dragon for being who he is; despite his own pain and sorrow he wants you to be happy, and he's concerned over your welfare. That says A LOT about him.
I would have liked to have met you guys, maybe still will--who knows, right? But I can see by the reactions of those who have had the pleasure to meet him, and the stories you've related about him (who has a husband that makes his lady's garb?), that you two have what few people achieve: true friendship and true love.
And like others have said before, love transcends time and space. Paper money, material goods, you can't take any of that with you. But I hope that Sir Dragon will take with him the knowledge that your love for him is true and eternal.
And I hope, too, that he knows how much he's touched the lives of others, and how much that means. I know for myself, that he was one of the first people I interacted with on this forum, and his generosity in sharing his knowledge touched me greatly. Whenever I had a question, he was always responsive and gracious. Please thank him for that, from me.
Ilma
P.S. I'm lighting candle as we speak for the two of you to find peace and healing (in the body, mind & spirit). It's a jasmine-scented candle. It's supposed to ease sadness and relieve stress. I didn't know that when I started writing this, but it seems appropriate.
Things went well. I managed to bite my lips even though she was all nice, hugging and kissing my family. Right before we left she comes over and thanks me for taking care of Ron. I just motioned my cousin to go. I cannot be that two faced. Thank God, that is behind us and so far we have had no contact with any of these "monsters'. His favorite niece called today and that was a good thing since the disease seems to be progressing. She made him smile.
That's good that she was able to make him laugh. Glad also that things went well with the monster-in-law. Hope Ron is up to making it this Sunday as the is the only day we'll be there. See you this weekend hopefully.
Glad to hear you got through it OK. I'd give you a hug at faire except that, between your farthingdale and my big fat gut, I'm lucky to get within talking distance ;)
Ron is trying to make it to the Ren though currently we are both of the belief that if he doesn't make it this weekend he won't make it at all and the way things look right now tha latter seems to be what will happen. He is getting weaker and deteriorating. Right now he is not up to receiving visits up here but you can e-mail (you can use the address cited on the photo favor thread on the maryland board of this forum) I will make sure he sees them) or send to the house (PM me for address). Phone calls are a bit tricky as the thing is that you have to be prepared to end the conversation as soon as he tells you too but other than that you can call him (PM me for the phone).
Lady Glorianna:
you may not remember me but we met at the Carolina faire a couple of years ago. There are no words I could speak that would be better than those already spoken on this forum. I remember your husband well and you also and I am most distressed about what has befallen the both of you. I will pray for you both as that is all I can do.
Anon and faire well
The BLAKDUKE
Oh Glorianna, my heart breaks for both of you. You continue to be in my prayers. If there is anything any of us can do for you on here, please don't hesitate to ask. Remember you have friends on here who care. Hugs and love to you both. I wish i could be there to give you a big hug and hold your hand.
Quote from: BLAKDUKE on September 26, 2008, 03:06:11 PM
Lady Glorianna:
you may not remember me but we met at the Carolina faire a couple of years ago. There are no words I could speak that would be better than those already spoken on this forum. I remember your husband well and you also and I am most distressed about what has befallen the both of you. I will pray for you both as that is all I can do.
Anon and faire well
The BLAKDUKE
Dear sir, we both remember you full well not only from Carolina but also from Sterling.
________________________________________________
Alas he did not make it to MDRF this weekend. To complicate matters even more, through his job he is getting disability. This is in addition to social security which was approved in May of this year. Long story short, as per contract the disability check and the social sec check should be the same. As the disabilty ck was more, they have determined that there was an overpay and they are damading that we pay back almost $6,700. When his mother learned of this, at first she asked if I was getting money from my parents to pay it back, then she said she would see what she could do to help. Every day I am liking this woman less and less to say the least. We do have some savings that I was to use when he passed to pay for thing and try to keep up with things. This money will have to come out from that which worries Ron a lot since this is what worries him the most, how well I will be once he is not here. I cannot hide anything from him as he knows me too well...
Any chance that you can fight it? Did they really overpay that much or are they just saying they did? And if they are going to continute to pay, they why don't they just take it out of the amount they will pay you rather than demand it back? Just one more thing you really DON'T need! I saw you briefly yesterday but it was pouring so didn't get over to you soon enough. You and Ron remain in our thoughts and prayers.
I agree with Master James, the overpayment was their mistake, so they should take the hit and deal with it. If someone, for example, pays more money on a bill than they meant to, they sure as heck aren't gonna see that money again. To me this is no different. They supposedley paid you more than they should have, but that's not your fault so you shouldn't be penalized for it. Like Master James said, the least they could do is take it out of any remaining payments instead of bothering you about it. Considering the circumstances that's pretty heartless of them.
I can't really say anything that hasn't already been said, but Lady Glorianna, I'm so very sorry for what you and Ron are going through. Although we've never met at MDRF, I know who you two are, and you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Lady Glorianna, my heart truly goes out to you with everything you are going through! Please give Ron a hug for me. I remember with great fondness meeting both of you when I wnt to MDRF after the big storm hit. You are both in my thoughts! I know how hard it is to stay strong, let alone feel like you are staying sane. Please never forget that you are loved so very much! Both of you are!!!
It's already been said, but definitely fight them saying you owe them money. If there was a mistake it was theirs, not yours. And as has been said, if they are still sending the checks, then they should modify the checks sent instead of demanding a large sum back from you.
*HUGS*
Hang in there sweetie, and remember to try and find things that you both can laugh and smile about.
Dearest Lady Glorianna, all I can offer are hugs for you both. I hope they do not give you too much hassle about the overpayment. Although I believe this is their fault and you shouldn't have to pay a dime. If they force the issue, try to set up some sort of payment plan. They should at least go for that. Hugs and love to you!
Dearest Lady Glorianna, I would love to write something eloquent and comforting, but what are word sin a situation like this, anyway? I've just read this thread from the beginning and I am crying for you now. I cannot begin to imagine your fear, sadness, and pain. So I can't imagine what to say to try to comfort you. So instead, I will say this: though we may not know each other very well, I love you, and I know you have many you can talk to, but know that you can talk to me as well. You will both be in my prayers and thoughts daily.
Lady G ... thank you for bringing Ron out to faire this weekend, it was good to see him. God Bless you lass!
Well, I am writing from his room at the hospice center. He had to be brought here by ambulance since he is doing bad. He has been having halucinations, a lot of twitching and is now disoriented and even lethargic at times. Mostly and hopefully solely, this is due to becoming toxic through his pain medication. Time will only tell if there is disease progression involved too. No matter what, it looks like we will be here for at least about a week until they safely switch him to another med, becomes stable and/or they figure out the whole picture.
Lady G you and Ron continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
My heart was sadden very much two weeks ago when I saw and you told me of this news. My heart truly goes out to the both of you. You have always showed your kindness to me and that I will never forget. You know, if there's anything I can do you let me know.
Hugs dear...
You strength is inspirational.
God Bless you lass, let us know if you need anything.
I am broken. The doc was just here and he said that it would not surprise him if he passes in a week or two. Ron is in a fog. He spends most of the time sleeping or mentally off somewhere. He has moments where he might recognize and acknowledge who is talking to him but these are becoming less frequent. His kidneys are shutting down. My father is coming into town tonight... :'( :'( :'( :'(
Glorianna~my heart aches for you. I wish I had magical words to sooth you but I know there is nothing I can say to ease your saness and pain. Just know we are here for you if you need us. God Bless you and Ron.
Lady Glorianna, my heart goes out to you.
How fortunate that you have so many people to strengthen you.
Please draw on that strength and don't forget to take care of yourself.
Oh Milady - words cannot express the sadness and concern I feel for you and Ron. It has all been said and, while I feel the same, there is no way I could improve on any of the sentiments expressed already - so I won't even try.
Please just know I am here for you when/if you need me. You are both in my thoughts and prayers.
:( Lady Glorianna, my heart goes out to you and your Ron. Ever since I discovered your post, you two have been in my thoughts and prayers. May God bless you.
I wish I was there to give you a hug hun! I know how much you are hurting, and I wish I could help ease your pain. Please just know that you both are very loved and have so many here that are here for you as much as we can be. *HUG*
BIG HUGS I have no words to say that can take the pain away just remember we are thinking about you.
I am so sorry to hear this news. You and Ron have been in my thoughts and prayers (though I hadn't posted before), and will continue to be so. Even though we are far away, your forum family is here to help in whatever way we can.
Hugs.
Renee
I decided to write now while I still have somewhat of a clear head. The doctor was here this afternoon and he said that though he may be wrong, it would not surprise him if Ron passes in a week or two. Ron is in a fog and his kidneys are shutting down. He spends most of the time sleeping or mentally off somewhere. He has moments where he might recognize and acknowledge who is talking to him but these are becoming less frequent. As the moment draws near, he might be a little bit more alert but only time will tell...
I was looking through some notebooks and found the following note he had jotted down a while a go at a time when ever the engineer we were getting and preparing certain things for when this time came:
"I can't go on fighting this cancer. It is killing me and it has won. We all must eventually die. This is my time. Do not cry for me. I have accepted the inevitable. I only cry for those who I leave behind specially my beautiful Gloria. All who wish to donate money at the time of my death can do so to my wife Gloria Morales to assist her in paying off our financial debt or they may donate to the Animal Rescue Fund or ASPCA"---Ron Santos
I have limited internet connection here at the hospice so feel free to share with anyone I might have missed. As per his wishes, there shall be no viewing and/or funeral. There might be a mass and when I have figured that out I shall let you know. Also as per his wishes, should you wish to organize a memorial, you are free to do so.
Oh my gosh Glorianna I am so sad for you tonight. Like Renee said, you and your husband have been in my thoughts as I pass through our forum. I'll say a special prayer for you tonight that you find the strength you need and that your husband pass as peacefully as possible.
You remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Ferret
My dear lass ... words cannot express my sadness ... and joy at the thoughts of Ron. All I can say is that I thank God for introducing me to you and Ron. The time spent among you two has been priceless and seeing him a week ago was like a breath of fresh air. He has touched many and all are blessed that he is in our lives. Please pass along to Ron that we stand tall with him and continue to honor him in our thoughts.
Quote from: Lady_Glorianna on October 14, 2008, 08:10:52 PM
I decided to write now while I still have somewhat of a clear head. The doctor was here this afternoon and he said that though he may be wrong, it would not surprise him if Ron passes in a week or two. Ron is in a fog and his kidneys are shutting down. He spends most of the time sleeping or mentally off somewhere. He has moments where he might recognize and acknowledge who is talking to him but these are becoming less frequent. As the moment draws near, he might be a little bit more alert but only time will tell...
I am writing this only because it came to me in a flash. I'm hoping that my gut instincts are the right ones.
One of two things will happen - he'll either get better for a while, or he won't. Not to foster false hope, but he's defied the odds so far. I remember talking to you two around this time last year, and you weren't even comfortable making plans for the upcoming February. It's not impossible that you may have more time than you think.
If he doesn't, then this is the time you've known would come (not that that makes it much easier). Neither you nor he would want him to stay in the state you've described here. I remember my dad lying in intensive care after his stroke, hardly awake, feeding and IV tubes running into him, barely able to make a fist or curl his toes when the nurse would yell commands to him for a minute or two. My sister and I wrestled with how to fulfill his last wishes, which were to die like a human being and not hang on to an unconscious existence plugged into a machine. Our mother left it up to us, too overcome with grief to even listen to our discussions. In a way, managing his care was a distraction from the reality of what he was going through.
You know how he feels about all this, what he's worried about and what he's not. Aside from that, and keeping him out of as much pain as possible, all that's left is the emotional impact; the feelings you have that defy any logical rebuttal or rational condolences. All you can do for those is to feel them. If we can help in any way - by being there, by not being there, by being close by but not within earshot, by talking about it, by not talking about it, by talking about our own problems as a distraction, by talking about the weather, by doing an interpretive dance about the nature of bagpipe music - we'll do all and whatever we can. As someone said on another board, about another's similar situation, "Thanks for letting us mourn a little with you. That's what families do."
Prayers are still going out for you and Ron from the wRenHouse. You're often in my thoughts as you go through this very difficult time. As you find that you need strength and courage there are many of us here who are ready to help you.
Glorianna although I do not know you in person I am sitting here right now trying to not to cry.I am deeply saddened by this and it litterally gave me chills just reading it.Words can't express what you are feeling right now but I will say this,When Ron's time comes another soldier will be coming home.For he is now sheltered in the arms of God.I will say a prayer for you my dear and always know that you have you friends on here as well as your family lean on if you ever need us.
Every though we have never met or spoken, indeed my deepest heartfelt condolences go out to you. This has been a very sad year with the loss of so many friends in our family community, performers, actors and enthusiasts alike.
Prayers that you find the grace and strength to carry yourself though the difficulty and put on a brave face for your husband and be a comfort to him in his last days. And prayers for your own comfort. God be with you.
Stacy Bakri
Texas Renaissance Festival
Quote from: Lady_Glorianna on October 14, 2008, 08:10:52 PM
I decided to write now while I still have somewhat of a clear head. The doctor was here this afternoon and he said that though he may be wrong, it would not surprise him if Ron passes in a week or two. Ron is in a fog and his kidneys are shutting down. He spends most of the time sleeping or mentally off somewhere. He has moments where he might recognize and acknowledge who is talking to him but these are becoming less frequent. As the moment draws near, he might be a little bit more alert but only time will tell...
I am so sorry to read of your heartbreak. I can sense the awesome love you and your husband share from the words you choose, and I am sure he knows on the deepest level that you are with him. I will pray for a lessening of your family's pain, and send healing energy, as well.
Blessings on you both.
{{HUGS}}
I do know, you will find the strength to meet this challenge every day. Some where deep inside, you know when the time has come to let go. You will look at your husband's face, to see peace, comfort and see the freedom from pain. {Some call this time, 'perfect healing'.} You will feel peace and comfort within yourself. I have been through what you are facing and it is truly amazing what we begin to feel, through this time of 'perfect healing'.
I will be thinking of you both and will keep you in my prayers.
Bless you.....
irish
Lady Glorianna, my heart goes out to you and Ron. I came across a copy of a poem that was given to my aunt when she lost her husband . I thought I would share it with you. Hugs and love to you both .
"The Plan of the Master Weaver"
My life is but a weaving
Between the Lord and me,
I may not choose the colors,
He knows what they should be;
For He can view the pattern
Upon the upper side
While I can see it only
On this, the under side.
Sometimes He weaveth sorrow,
Which seemeth strange to me;
But I will trust His judgment,
And work on faithfully;
'Tis He who fills the shuttle,
And He knows what is best,
So I shall weave in earnest,
Leaving to Him the rest.
Not till the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why--
The Dark threads are as needed
In the Weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.
Beautifully spoken Amy.Well done.
Lady Glorianna –
I received word at faire yesterday. I'm sorry for your loss and for the loss to MDRF. Our prayers are with you.
I decided to post here as this is more to how I am feeling. My heart is gone. I just go on day by day, one day at a time. To complicate matters, my back situation has taken a turn. Dept of Labor had decided not to approve the new surgery, they are saying that my problem is degenerative and not from my injury and are asking that a) I get other therapies b)for my doctor to justify his reasoning better. Of course this all gets clarified to me yesterday. I had to try and get an appointment with the doctor to try and tackle the situation and after fighting with the secretary (she couldn't understand why i needed to actually see the doctor) I finally got it for the 20th of this month. Time is not on my side as my other option is to go through my insurance and hope that after I fight some more, i get re-mbursed. Little detail here is that because of Ron, until the 31st of this year I have no out of pocket medical expenses since we met the catastrophic cap. If there was ever a time I missed not having Ron by my side or having him hold him, I tell you it is now...
Oh Glorianna, hang in there hon ! There has to be sunny days ahead for you. Don't you just love doctors with everything you have been thru you have every right to tell a few of them where they can go, if you know what I mean ! Hang in there girlfriend, and know that you have family and friends on here that are here for you if you need us. Hugs and love !
I miss him sooo much! So far its like I have to drag myself to work mainly because I can hear him saying it it better to go in and leave when you feel bad than to call in all the time. End of the week is especially hard. So far Saturdays and more to the point at 6pm (now 5 because of dst) I get enveloped by extreme sadness and begin to cry...
It takes time. Keep busy. Change routines. Maybe find something to do on the weekends so you look forward to them.
Lots of people caring about you. Lots of positive prayers and hopes surround you.
Ferret
Hugs to you Gloriana.You are in my thoughts and prayers during this most difficult time.
My continued thoughts and prayers are with you, Glorianna. Just keep talking to us; we're here to listen, lend a shoulder to cry on, pass you the Kleenex, whatever you need. <<BIG HUG>>
Lady Glorianna, perhaps you could schedule a class of some sort for Saturdays. Something you've wanted to do, like learning a new language or pottery or music? Something that wil bring new people in and new experiences.
Perhaps also there is a support group you could visit with on the weekends or in the evenings after work.
I know it's hard to get out of a depression after the loss of someone so close, but make yourself attend to a new interest. It will help.
Rember that no matter how dark it seems to be, the dawn always comes. I know that's hard to believe right now but its true. We are here for you no matter the issue. Something I find that helps when times get hard is to know that god never gives us more than he feels we can handle. I just wish sometimes he didn't trust us so much! ;D If you need anything, just ask.
I've read through some of the posts because I have not been on the board for quite a while. My prayers are with you and I am glad that I got to see Ron when he was at MDRF, he has a great spirit that will live on for a long time.
I agree with another post about finding a support group. Hospice generally has a group for the grieving and you will find that you are not alone and right now, I'm sure you're feeling that no one can understand what you're going through. Try it and I'm not going to say the pain or the grief will ever go away, but it will become more managable over time.
Peace to your heart.
Today is hard as it has been a month since he passed. :'( :'(
I'm looking into the support groups thing.
Please seek help when ever you need it. Where ever you need it. Others have gone through losses before you. And may well help you through these times.
You are still in my thoughts and prayers.
Ferret
Well, here I go again:
Last night, I did not see the doctor, I saw his PA. She said that she will re-write and re-submit the papers. She said some of the things that Department of Labor suggested are actually contraindicated for fusions. In any case and to satisfy Department of Labor she gave me a referral for pain management injections. I told her I did not want to go back to who I saw before so she referred me to someone else. I called this morning and left a message as I got the office machine.
I did not seek to have the new surgery ASAP because: a) I went back to check the paperwork received from the insurance and the exemption from paying deductibles was only for Ron (..."for this patient for this calendar year") so I would have had to pay anyway
and b) there is a problem with my leave so I had no way of covering my absense from work and my pay.
UGH ! Don't you just love doctors and insurance companies ! I am so sorry you are going thru all of this ! Please feel free to gripe , scream, shout, cry on here all you want. We are here for you. Hugs and love.
I will go into work early tomorrow so that I can get out early and head over to my brother's house in Virginia. I think that spending some time with my nephew (he is 4) will do me some good. I will have the laptop with me so you might hear from me throughout.
Being around small children can help bring a smile to your face. I know being around my son who is five, helps make me smile when I am down. something about the youth , sweetness, gentleness and innoccence of a child.
I know this Thanksgiving may be hard on you, but I hope that somehow it will be a happy one for you ! Hugs and love !
It's 6 weeks today. I do have to admitt that my nephew has been a great distraction as the energizer bunny pales next to him and he keeps coming to me to show me things or to simply give me a kiss.
Lady Glorianna I'm glad to see that your spirits have been somewhat lifted.You are still in my thoughts and prayer's M'lady.
I am back home. Thought about this and other things to follow....
Well, I wrote to his mom to see if she wanted me to get the rest of his things out of her house. Basically but not directly, she called Ron a lier, and me a lier, thief, ingrate and greedy. She finished by saying that neither me nor my family was welcomed at her house. I prepped a response but did not send it. I asked my father for advice and will also ask the hospice bereavement person. Part of me wants to really respond but part of me says what's the point, she will never get it, it's official and these people are out of your life. I feel hurt and confused and oddly enough, I am glad Ron is not here to see or deal with all of this. ??? :'(
It's unfortunate that deaths seem to bring out the worst and the best in people. I think the former in her case. I pray you have the strength not to let her take out her pain on you.
All of us here are with you in spirit.
Thinkng of you, M'lady. This is all you needed right now.
One option...you may want to consider taking legal counsel in this matter.
Sending good thoughts your way!!
Peace!
Amras
It is indeed quite sad that she has to be that way. Don't get mad at her though. Pitty her for she sadly doesn't get it and hasn't learned her lessons in this life yet. Pray that she does but don't waste your energy on her. Save that for yourself. Prayers and good thoughts as always still headed your way.
Don't worry about her, not worth it. You have more important things to work on right now. You.
Best wishes !
Ferret
There are people and then there are human beings who care and understand. She deffinitely does not fall under the latter. Don't let her get to you. You have far more grace and class then she ever will. Hand in there hon.
Hugs and love being sent your way !
M'lady Gloriana this is really and truly the last thing that you need to be dealing with right now.You are still in my thoughts and prayers at this moment.
It is strange to see how some folk grieve ... some have extreme sorrow, others anger ... it takes time for these things to heal. If, indeed, she feels this way deep in her heart - it is her loss, not yours. Just be you, heal, and move along with your life ... be the better person and you will sleep like a baby each night. My 2 pence.
The more I think about it and talk to people, the more I am inclined not to respond to her. She and that whole family are definitely out of my life. It will be 7weeks this Saturday and I have received not one call, message or sympathy card ffrom any of them. It just hurts that it seems that for those who you would think would feel the loss the most, it matters not that he is gone. :'(
Lass, all that matters is what is in your heart ... try not to dwell on the darkness of others, you carry the light ... the day will come for us all when we receive our final judgement - if your love & heart is pure than you have little to fear. Carry the light lass.
I am not dwelling on them. In terms of my back, I saw the pain management person on Monday. This other person will try a different kind of injection that hopefully will help and is also suggesting that I get a nerve study. Downside is that first one is tomorrow and though I am supposed to have someone with me but it is so short notice, I have nobody. My Ron is gone and I have no one. The place is about 15 min from my house so I'm hoping I will be well enough to do the short drive home.
change of plans. Injection is scheduled now for Tuesday
Well I'm back in limbo. Injection has been postponed til further notice as it could take as much as 30 days to get Dept of Labor approval. Meanwhile the cold weather is doing a number on me as I was in so much pain that I could not go to work today.
You remain in my thoughts and prayers. I hope it helps.
Ferret
Thinking of you dear lady. You remain in my thoughts and prayers.
You are still in my thoughts and prayers M'Lady Glorianna.
I am sending you healing energy, and comforting thoughts and prayers, Lady Glorianna. I hope you get things straightened out as soon as is possible, and that you find some ease and peace, as well.
Thanks for all your support
Well, yesterday I was so in pain (form my back injury) that I did not go to work. Cold weather is not helping not to mention that I did not feel like it. Today I received another dose of news. I am supposed to be working 4 hours a day. The balance of my pay is paid by dept of labor. Since I had depleted my leave due to my injury, I had been granted donated leave for covering those times I had to be absent due to taking care of Ron. Well, since he is gone, they are pulling the leave. From now on, I'm expected to suck it up (be it pain from my back, grief or both) and go to work. I went to a doctor this afternoon who reluctantly put me on an anti-depressant. So this afternnon I took my anti-nausea (since pain med makes me violently ill) and my pain pill, the AD and a laxative (pain med constipates me too). I'm starting to feel the effects of the pain med. I just hope that I can go to work tomorrow so that I can write my appeal and hope that I can find a sympathetic decision maker somewhere. I guess adding a bit of stress on top all the one I already feel is that my parents are coming into town this Friday to "help".
Love yuh, lass. Still sending good vibes to your aura...
When I saw the doctor, she was reluctant to prescribe the anti-depressant because I was at a bit over 7 weeks (It will be 8 weeks this Saturday). She said they usually wait until you are at least 12 weeks out, in order to allow yourself to grieve and that she was reluctant because she was afraid that the medication would cut off the process but because I told her I was having problems "functioning" (you know, not wanting to do anything, crying all the time, not sleeping, migraines etc), she agreed. I have been on them for just 3 days and I have to say that I think I know what she was trying to say and feel the difference. I just get sad but not overwhelmed anymore and do not cry as much. I'd say I actually feel numb most of the time. I miss Ron so very much :'(
Just wanted to let you know you are still in thoughts and prayers.
Ferret
Hugs and love dear lady ! remember you always have friends and family here on the forums. :)
It has been two months this day since Ron passed :'(
May his spirit be soaring
Here is to you, my love!
You are still in my thoughts and prayers.
Ferret
Thoughts of comfort and peace are with you, Lady Glorianna.
I'm wishing strength and healing for you always.
My heart feels the tug of longing from your own, and my wish for you is that soon the joy you received every day of your life with Ron will begin to outweigh your grief at his loss, though I know you will feel both every day. May your memories bring you joy...
Hugs and love and prayers of comfort being sent your way.
Well, last Monday I had to go and tell the motor vehicle administration that my Ron had passed so that they would give me a copy of the title to his motorcycle. I ended up crying at the place and for an hour afterwards. My parents are here (they arrived on dec 12th and are leaving Jan 16th) and they give me some support but I dont think they totally get it. Dec 31 is my dad's birthday and that provided a distraction but still when I had to go and get together with my family it became obvious that they don't get it. I know that they did not do it on purpose but at one point they all started talking about how hard things are and how some of them are worth more dead that alive due to life insurance. I just had to stand up and walk away. Once midnight came around I started silently crying for my Ron (I cried openly at xmas and that kind of upset my family so I opted to do it quietly this time). Friday, my brother came into town which again provided a mix of emotions. I was glad to see him as he has been very supportive but one of the reasons he came was to get Ron's motorcycle (which Ron had offered to him). We had to rent a trailer to get it from here to his house and we had to use Ron's truck for the tow. Making long trips on the truck so reminds me so much of Ron that I ended up crying both ways. I miss him terribly. To be honest I keep thinking that one more day I live is one more day closer to the day its my turn to be reunited with him:'(...
Lady Gloriana as always you are still in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs to you!
My heart breaks for you Lady Glorianna. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers for comfort and healing to start. No one expects you to be over the loss of Ron and I am sure your family understands, even though comments that spew forth do not seem to be sensitive to your loss. It is called foot and mouth disease. And even after we discover our parents are humans too, they too can be oblivious.
I strongly encourage you to contact the chaplain of the hospice that took care of Ron for some guidence or counseling. There is bound to be a support group that they can refer you to, so that you can talk with people that have been what you are going thru, someone that can understand...let you know what it is that has helped them thru.
(((HUGS)))
When my mother died, I joined a grief group that met for 8 or 10 weeks and was sponsored by Hospice. Even though my mom wasn't in Hospice, it is open to everyone. I was skeptical and wasn't really comfortable with the idea of getting together with strangers, but it really and truly helped. I highly recommend it.
Another group, which is non-denominational, but has a spiritual/religious bent, is Walking the Mourner's Path. A friend of mine participated in it after her mother died, and she said it was the best thing that she could have done.
The important thing is to find a group. Even though the members of the group I was in were very, very different, the common thread was that we had all lost someone we loved. When a loved one dies, you feel like you are the only one on earth who is going through this and nobody else understands, then you meet with the group and find other people who are going through the same things you are and have the same feelings.
Usually the groups recommend that you join between 8 to 12 weeks after your loss. However, my father died in 1986, and my mother went to a group in 1997, eleven years later, when she felt she wanted to. I waited about 9 weeks, because that's when the next group formed.
Even if you don't think you're a "group person," you really owe it to yourself to find a grief support group, it really does help.
May you continue to find strength with others who have gone through similar trials in their lives as you have experienced, Lady Glorianna. You're not alone. Trust in Him will lead you to brighter days.
Everyone in this fine community of rennies are daily in my thoughts and prayers.
I know this is especially hard to read:
Quote from: Lady_Glorianna on January 05, 2009, 09:10:32 AM
To be honest I keep thinking that one more day I live is one more day closer to the day its my turn to be reunited with him:'(...
I guess I should clarify that what I meant was that no matter when my time is be it tomorrow or in twenty years, I am closer to it today than I was yesterday. A counselor from hospice has been coming to see me every week or every other week. I am on various online support groups and a new group from hospice will be starting the end of this month to which I plan to go as well as a hospice memorial service on the 18th (which will be 3 mo to the day). I guess at the moment I'm having a hard time because everywhere I hear the holidays are over, time to buckle down and get back to normal but my normal does not include Ron anymore and that hurts. I miss him soo much! :'(
I'm glad to see you have counselors and group to get you through this tough place. :)
Spring will be here soon Glorianna. I don't mean to seem unfeeling here. Please don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say, but I've seen people close to me allow their lives to slip away as after a heartbreak they never left that place of winter and sorrow. I don't want to see that happen to you. Sometime you have to just pull yourself up by the scruff of your neck and stare down sadness. Refuse to let it in. You still have a beautiful song to sing here. With or without Ron at your side you still have beautiful things to add to our world. Don't ever forget that.
Quote from: Anna Iram on January 06, 2009, 10:13:44 AM
I'm glad to see you have counselors and group to get you through this tough place. :)
Spring will be here soon Glorianna. I don't mean to seem unfeeling here. Please don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say, but I've seen people close to me allow their lives to slip away as after a heartbreak they never left that place of winter and sorrow. I don't want to see that happen to you. Sometime you have to just pull yourself up by the scruff of your neck and stare down sadness. Refuse to let it in. You still have a beautiful song to sing here. With or without Ron at your side you still have beautiful things to add to our world. Don't ever forget that.
So very well put Anna....and so very true Glorianna.
Your strength inspires me My Lady. Continue to hold it close.
You're in my thoughts. I lost my grandmother on Dec 10, 1992 and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of her at least once. Being so close to the holidays made it hard, but it will eventually hurt less. We're all here for you. *hugs*
Glorianna, Dear -
Try not to think of him as being gone, because he will always be with you, and there is no safer place for him to be than in your heart. Remember every glorious moment you had with him, and be grateful. That is so much more than some people ever have. You are a very fortunate woman to have had that kind of love.
Well, this past weekend was a hard one. On Friday I took my parents to the airport and was ok until that afternoon when I started to feel like Ron was going to walk through the door at any minute. I kept feeling like that through Saturday. I had hoped to go the Pyrates Royale concert. I couldn't. My cousin came over and we spent the night talking, watching movies...Sunday was three months and the hospice's memorial service. It was a bit disappointing I guess due to my high expectations about it. Monday my counselor stoped by and we talked some things out. Tuesday I called in sick. Between the weather (damn cold) and all the stresses (I had a call from a creditor who told me among other things that I am not supposed to profit from the death of husband and indirectly threaten to come after my house, the sadiverssary and just daily grief-stress) I just couldn't function.
On the somewhat good side, I have an appointment with the lawyer tomorrow and received news today that finally my back injections have been approved and will have my first one on Tuesday...
*HUGS* Hun you are still in my thoughts every day! I know it's so hard to continue when your heart aches the way yours does. I may not have known Ron well, but from everything I've seen and heard of him, I know he would not want you to suffer like this. He would want you to keep living, for both of you! Cherish every moment you had with him, and make him proud in every moment you have until you two can be reunited. From the generous smile and warm personality I remember meeting, I know he would want to continue to see that smile he loved, and the laugh that always brightened his day. Find something at least once a day that brings those back and out so he may share in them with you, because he is still with you in heart and spirit!
When you feel him near, or get that feeling he's going to walk through the door any minute, I believe he's trying to let you know he's still there, by your side, as always. It's hard, but try giving him a smile when you feel like crying at those times.
And never forget that you've still got a Very loving Family right here with you sharing every step of every day! *HUG*
Quote from: Fairyfly on January 22, 2009, 11:28:13 AM
*HUGS* Hun you are still in my thoughts every day! I know it's so hard to continue when your heart aches the way yours does. I may not have known Ron well, but from everything I've seen and heard of him, I know he would not want you to suffer like this. He would want you to keep living, for both of you! Cherish every moment you had with him, and make him proud in every moment you have until you two can be reunited. From the generous smile and warm personality I remember meeting, I know he would want to continue to see that smile he loved, and the laugh that always brightened his day. Find something at least once a day that brings those back and out so he may share in them with you, because he is still with you in heart and spirit!
When you feel him near, or get that feeling he's going to walk through the door any minute, I believe he's trying to let you know he's still there, by your side, as always. It's hard, but try giving him a smile when you feel like crying at those times.
And never forget that you've still got a Very loving Family right here with you sharing every step of every day! *HUG*
That was very nicely said FairyFly.I could not agree with you more on everything you said sweetie.
M'Lady,
I wish to offer you my deepest condolences on your loss and my most earnest support as you heal your spirit. It may take some time, but you will be OK. I have felt your pain.
I, too, have lost much. In November, I lost a best friend to skin cancer, another to pancreatic cancer, and a third to a heart attack. All were near my age of 34. Last month I lost another to kidney failure. My mother went in for emergency brain surgery in November with a 5% chance to survive. (She did. All is well.)
It was all hard on me. So much, so close, and so fast! I didn't know what to do or how to act or who to turn to, since my former 'rocks' are all dead and 1 is recovering. What to do? I felt so alone and so scared. What to do? How to move on? Who do I tell about my day, now? I felt trapped in a small boat in still waters with no land in sight and no idea where land was. What to do?
Then I remembered what the Assistant Undersecretary for the Department of Homeland Securuty told me 2 years ago when a team member was killed on duty: He said, 'Pat died by tragedy. His spirit lives on. Don't you let your spirit die by choice. No sense compounding the tragedy.'
And so I started paddling. Which way? Didn't matter. There is no ocean so large that land cannot be found.
The moral:
First is to nurture your spirit. Your spirit is your light in dark times. Your spirit is what the universe sees and feels.
Second is to move on. It need not be hasty. It need not be determined. It just needs to be in motion. Every paddle you can make is one less you will have to make.
Be well. Be strong. Know that you are loved.
You remain in my thoughts and prayers Lady Glorianna.
Ferret
Thanks for your support guys. After talking to the lawyer tomorrow I should be in a better place and I'm hoping that the injection will either work or set the need to speed up the process so that surgery occurs ASAP and I am not tied up for another year. I was at work yesterday, today and will be there tomorrow. For now, taking things one day at a time is what I can do. Previous to this last episode I had worked every day I was supposed to in the last two weeks for the time I was supposed to...
Lady G, I'm sending you many healing prayers and warm and loving thoughts, as well as wishes for speedy resolution to your medical questions, procedures and problems.
One day at a time is the best any of us can hope to achieve, so you're ahead of the game already! I have faith in you...
Yeah, I have to admit I feel a bit better. I had to pay the lawyer for it but he is know going to draft and send letters to the creditors telling them to cease and desist coming after me or at least stop the harrasing phone calls!
Lady Glorianna:
You need to report that creditor to his/her supervisor. That is the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard of. That basically says that if you collected more in insurance than you owed in debt.... you are supposed to give the rest back?????? They are putting a dollar value on a human life and that is just not acceptable. You cannot equate one with the other. Turn that person in. Some credit reps belong in the same Titanic life boat as the 50 lawyers. Talk about Crass. I only met you and Ron twice but believe me when I say I miss him also and looked forward to the times when we would have met up again at another faire.
God Bless
The Blakduke
Blakduke, thanks for the sentiments. The creditor called me yesterday again at 815 in the morning so she caught me a bit off guard and we had s hort exchange where she ended up hanging up on me. I'm hoping that she sends me a bill but if she calls again, I will just ask for her supervisor and get the info I need so that they can be dealt with by my lawyer.
On the personal front, I had my back shots yesterday though that hasn't gone very well. I have been in pain since yesterday afternoon, finally fell asleep exhausted at 5 this morning, so I missed work today. Hopefully this will be back to "normal" by tomorrow.
Quote from: Lady_Glorianna on January 28, 2009, 02:14:14 PM
Blakduke, thanks for the sentiments. The creditor called me yesterday again at 815 in the morning so she caught me a bit off guard and we had s hort exchange where she ended up hanging up on me. I'm hoping that she sends me a bill but if she calls again, I will just ask for her supervisor and get the info I need so that they can be dealt with by my lawyer.
On the personal front, I had my back shots yesterday though that hasn't gone very well. I have been in pain since yesterday afternoon, finally fell asleep exhausted at 5 this morning, so I missed work today. Hopefully this will be back to "normal" by tomorrow.
I will be praying that all the pain in your back will be gone by tomorrow so you can have a peaceful and pain free day Lady Gloriana.
Well, I missed work on Wed-Thurs. Luckily I did not have to work today. Pain has gone down some but I am wreck emotionally today.
Lady Glorianna
You are still in my thoughts and prayers. I hope it helps.
Ferret
I'm a bit better today
I'm glad to hear that Lady Gloriana. After all that you have been going through you definitely need this. I hope that things will continue to look up for you m'lady.
In retrospect, shots really did nothing for me and in fact kind of made it worse for a long while. She really wants to do a nerve study but we have to wait for aproval. In the meantime, she wants to try an epidural injection on the 17th.
Quote from: Lady_Glorianna on February 09, 2009, 07:07:55 AM
In retrospect, shots really did nothing for me and in fact kind of made it worse for a long while. She really wants to do a nerve study but we have to wait for aproval. In the meantime, she wants to try an epidural injection on the 17th.
Ouch!
I gotta tell you, back in 2004 when I had my fusion I went through all this crap too! Shots, studies, this, that ... I finally got to the point where I said ENOUGH! I asked my neurologist is I would ever get better - would all this crap make it go away. Her answer, no ... it would be a problem for the rest of my life. My question to her - then tell me again why I should not have surgery? She could not give me a good reason.
Simply, if it will be nagging me for the remainder of my life and surgery could provide me with relief, why continue to try these other treatments?
I had the surgery and ZERO problems since! Of course I ask, why did I deal with all the pain and discomfort for YEARS when the answer was there from the beginning.
Don't get me wrong, I believe in the miracle of modern medicine - surgery should, in most cases, be the last resort ... but in my case it should have been the first resort. (hindsight being 20/20 that is)
God Bless you lass, I know what you are going through and I hope you get relief soon.
Because I am on workman's comp I have to do what they want me to do. oday has been very hard but I guess I get through it.
I had the shot today. It was not as bad as the first one but I am a bit dizzy and I think I'm getting a migrane. I'm just trying to catch up so that I can lay down and maybe take a nap.
I pray m'lady that the shot will help and pain will leave you, at least for a while.
Hang in there. Sending more healing thoughts and prayers your way. Hope to see you sometime soon.
That was very nicely said Master James. I also agree with everything you said as well.
Hi, Lady Glorianna.
We've never met, but I was very touched by your posts, and I can't convey enough how sorry I am for your loss and for all the trial and tribulation you're having to face at the worst of all possible times. I know nothing can ease the pain of losing your husband, especially to so horrible and random a disease as cancer. All I can say is that I also lost a person very dear to me many years ago, and though the pain never goes away completely, in time, it becomes so much easier to remember all the fun times, the happiness, and the things that person said and did to make you smile. That never, ever goes away.The nighmarish quality of the days and nights spent crying and aching and waiting does fade, and good memories remain. You still will be able to feel him close by from time to time - that doesn't fade with the years, either - and you will always remember what he looks like and the sound of his voice. I'm praying for you, and I know you'll find peace in your heart, because your husband will be watching over you and helping you along. The thing to remember is to take care of yourself, because he still loves you very much, and he would want you to look after yourself as well as he would if he were still here. I hope your pain - physical and heartfelt - will subside soon. Please accept my kind thoughts with a hug, although from a stranger. Bless you.
To complete a perfect day ::) I got the news that because his disability was a benefit for which his job paid the premium, this is taxable. Nobody told us and nothing was deducted so I owe the fed over 3000 and localover 1200...
Quote from: Lady_Glorianna on February 19, 2009, 08:58:20 PM
To complete a perfect day ::) I got the news that because his disability was a benefit for which his job paid the premium, this is taxable. Nobody told us and nothing was deducted so I owe the fed over 3000 and localover 1200...
I'm sorry. I know it doesn't seem like much. But I am really sorry the crap seems to keep piling on you.
Ferret
That's such a shame Lady Gloriana. I hate it that the problems keep building up on your but as always I have faith that things will get better for you in the long run.
Hand in there lass.
Hugs!
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I can't believe that you'd have to owe taxes on such a thing. I am still keeping you in my prayers.
Lady Glorianna, my heart goes out to you, and I am angry for you at the same time! I know your strength is up to the challenge, though I wish you didn't have to deal with such petty bureaucracy...
HUGS
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers hon !
I seem to be stuck. I miss him sooo much :'( I guess the back issues, the whole tax mess, workmans comp not paying me since Nov., some of my family member insensitivity, some underlying pressure at work and this big hole left by Ron are getting to me. I have support group tonight so we shall see. Unfortunately it meets at the hospice which in talking with my counselor made me realize it is another "stressor". There are only three more meetings counting tonight so I told her I would finish it out. She is going to try and see if there are other groups meeting closer to me so that then I can go someplace else. It is just so hard when someone so extraordinary, half of you, arguably the better half goes away. :'( :'( :'(
Lady G you always have been and always will be in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless you lass!
Though I had to stay home today because os the pain, I am proud of myself. I used the sewing machine last night to repair my 12 yr 2mo old winter coat. I remembered almost everything Ron told me (four days before going into hospice facility he taught me how to operate the sewing machine)and I DID IT!!...and I love sweet tart jelly beans. I may become addicted to them ;)
Hey there's nothing wrong with becoming addicted to sweet tart jelly beans. There are one of my favorites as well. ;) ;D
Well, last night I fell down the last three of four step of my stairs. I'm at work today but hurting. I hurt mostly my left arm and left ankle. I tell ya and the hits just keep on comin'....
I'm so sorry to hear that Lady Gloriana. I hope those bumps and bruises heal soon.
Well yesterday was hard because I had to finally tap into his life insurance which I had been avoiding because it made it more real. Yes I should be grateful I have the means but that does not make it easier. I cried for an hour yesterday morning and still do when I think about it.
For tonight I've decided to go to the privateer feast where I will see some friends from MDRF which I have not seen either since before he passed or his memorial service. I know it will take everything that I have to go through this but I also know that I have to do it. Dam it I miss him soo much and I hate that I get to do this without him here :'( :'( :'(
I did it. I went to the benefit. They where all very sensitive and supportive, singing Ron's praises and even raising a few toasts to him. It was good that I went, I felt like I had to and though It was good Iand when I brokedown openly crying quite a few people were very supportive, I ended up crying on the drive all the way home. I hated that I got to go there without him. He may have been in spirit but I wanted him physically there. I get it was a don't get it moment when i was about to leave still with some tears in my eyes when I was asked the reason from my tears. I said I lost my husband and someone said well but the question is do you want to find him. Before I could say anything my friends said in her case is absolutely yes. I said I wish I could.
It was an hour drive home and the crying compounded with the weather turning once again cold I think has caused my back to act up. I could not go to work today. Nerve study is set for next Monday so we shall see.
Hope all goes well, Lady Glorianna. I'm praying for you all the way from Arizona, and I hope you can find physical relief soon, as well as inner peace and healing. You're in my thoughts.
I will be praying that your upcoming Nerve study goes well and that they can find what is causing you all this pain in your back Lady G.
You are still as always in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless you.
Ah My Dear...
as we share this boat, doesn't it feel good to at least know someone is out there truly knowing just how you feel? I am approaching one month without the love of my life beside me and this is hell. As I read through your posts though darlin'...be thankful. In my case...the ex-wife borrowed so much against the life insurance that it canceled without his knowing, then illness made it impossible to get reissued...so she got the money, I got the debt...but I also got the love and incredible memories. I also haven't worked much lately...well...since August when I had heart surgery...I just had my second catherization, stress is not so good for me! OR what about this one...the mortgage, cell phone, internet and most everything else is in his name...nobody even wants to talk to me to make any changes... but they want paid (I can't even cancel his cell phone!!) now...here is the grande finale kick in the weed puller of all...you ready? Social Security length of marriage rule is 9 months, we were legally married for 7 months although living together for 3 years while we waited for that nice ex-wife I told you about to get the last nickel. Yes, I definitely know how you're feelin'. But we will BOTH make it through this, and we will be fine. Be strong and keep him close in your heart.
Hell is pretty good description. Regrding the financial I am thankful. It just sucks that the reason to be thankful is that he is gone. I would trade all for him. I don't know what the laws are in PA but you might want to consider hiring an estate lawyer. I hope to make it or be able to handle whatever is thrown at ma for as long as I am here however long that is. A good friend said that we are being forced to live a life that we did not want. I think that is also an accurate description. He will always be with me as I am sure that yours will be with you until we get to be reunited.
Yes, yes...life goes on, doesn't it?! Thanks for your email...last night I ventured out to our "winter renstock" party and it was very very difficult. It was the one month mark and whoa those feelings and emotions are fresh. But I got to see hundreds of loving supportive friends, fellow cast and vendors as well as playtrons. I did not plan to go because it was so soon, but less than 2 weeks ago a family of dear friends lost everything in a terrible fire, so I decided to donate one of my husbands swords to the cause of raising some funds for our friends (oh, BTW you see these folks all rallied around for me when I had a fire in 2006) so this gathering became an incredible tribute to my husband who was greatly admired and we helped our friends out too. I was so nervous that I was visibly shaking before I got there, but my best friend went with me (she was on court with my husband) and everybody cried together and laughed together...and somehow I came away feeling a bit better. I think it will make opening day much easier for me, having seen so many of them. I know they are missing him too, so we will always remember this man.
Kharla Garner Romito
Charity Morgan
Khroney MeadOWtea
study is done, wont get to discuss reasults w/doctor till wed, had to take pain killer so I'm a bit drowsy so more later...
As posted study is done but it was like stirring up a hornet's nest. I barely made it home so I had to take the stronger pain killers. I slept until 6:30 pm, ate something, watched som Tv and went back to sleep till this morn. At least this time around I will not have to wait forever to get an answer. I see the doc tomorrow afternoon. Funny how the doc that did the nerve thing is telling me to exercise and move around that that is best for back injuries just as he is causing me such pain and as on a daily basis I cna't do anything for too long. Oh and I forgot, as usual because it wouldn't be normal if things were straight forward, the study was at 8:30 for which I got there at 8:15. The secretaty with the keys to the office did not show up until almost 9:30 because she forgot (this was a "guest" doc using the offices of my pain doc) so I waited and btw he saw me as I had to get out of the car and stand several times because I just could not sit for that long. And all od this after last Friday I had to sit thorugh an hour and a half training on prevention of suicide ::)
Hang in there, the sun is coming up I promise! ;D Here's hoping they figure it out fast and get you some relief.
I agree with Master James, Hang in the there Lady Gloriana because I believe in my heart that you will find the answers you have been looking for and these doctors will find the right treatments to cure the pain in your back.
God Bless you lass.
Hang in there. There is hope that this will all get better.
Well of course, things could not happen as planned ::)>:(
Apparently the doc lied to me :o (the one that did the nerve study alias toture test #I lost count) and the results of the study are not here. I'm going to see the pain doc anyway because I need to talk to her over a couple of things but it looks like i will not get my crucial answers for at least another week. ???
I am so sorry to hear that. That is truly the last thing you need right now Lady Gloriana.
I went to see the pain doc anyway because I needed to talk to her over a couple of things but it looks like I will not get my crucial answers for at least another week. At least she is actualy going to call me instead of having me come in. To try to control some of the pain, she gave me Lyrica which has helped somewhat. I do have oxycodone for pain but I am extremely sensitive to these series od pain meds so I use it only when it is absolutely necessary like last Monday after the study.
I hope you get your results soon. I am so sorry that you are going through this.
Since I don't have enough on my plate ::) the MVA has notified my that they will not renew the tags on Biohazard (that is what Ron named his truck) because according to MD law no car can be titled to a deceased person. So I have until the end of April to decide what I am going to do with his truck. I have asked the lawyer for advice but the way I see it either I turn it back into Ford or I transfer the loan and the car to my name. This April is posing to be a most difficult time...
Oh yes, the lovely nerve study, where you you are made to feel like a human pin cushion. Wonderful aren't they ! ::) ::)
Sorry to hear about the car incident. As if you don't have enough going on already.
We need to find you a lucky shamrock or something ! :)
Hugs and love to you hon.You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm sorry to hear about this latest trial, Lady Glorianna! It seems that the Universe occasionally gives us much more to deal with than we'd like, but maybe sometimes it's just to distract us from other things that need to gradually be allowed to start hurting a little less...
I'm praying for you to gain some breathing room, and a bit of really good rest...
Gee don't ya just love those nerve studies where they tell you that you won't have to wait long for your answers and then you end up having to wait a little while longer till the results come in. Makes you feel good don't it. ::) ::) Lady Gloriana I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all this right now and especially with the car issue as well. I will continue to send you prayers, hugs, and love that all will start to look up for you.
As always God Bless you lass.
It has been 21 wks since he physically left and I am still struggling. I miss him too much and there is just this big hole that nothing can fill. I can hear him in my head and my heart telling me not to cry and not to be concerned about him but I can't ignore my reality that he is not physically here, that no one or nothing compares to him, that life without him is just existance. He is the best thing to happen to me and his physical exit is the worst. I love you Ron!
It's now been 18 months since my beloved left this plane of existence, and I feel the same way.
I miss him with every breath I take.
I ache for his touch.
I long to see his smile.
So I close my eyes...
And I hear his voice.
I thrill at his laughter.
I see the love in his eyes.
And I am comforted for a time.
Memories now make me smile more than cry.
And I know he is with me always.
I tell you.... So this morning I go to use Biohazard (Ron's truck) and it was totally dead, not even the remote power lock would work. I told one of my co-workers and he was nice enough to come to the house. We found out that it had two batteries and that both were totally drained. Ron had a battery charger/engine start and it would not do the trick. It took him jumping the truck for at least 15 min if not longer plus me talking to both Biohazard and Ron. I had is running for more than an hour so hopefully that is that and I plan on using Biohazard for the rest of the week. Yes I got the situation under control but you know it's just one more thing I was not expecting to happen, was not really ready to deal with. It's like I cannot catch a break!
Keep gaining ground where you can.
I know none of this has been easy for you.
Eventually things will roll your way.
A lot of people are still praying for you and remembering you.
The breaks will come when they are ready.
Ferret
Ferret,
That was very nicely said and I totally agree with you as well. Hang in there m'lady cause like I said before I do believe in my heart that this whole situation will work out for you in the end. I am however continuing to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless you Lady Gloriana.
It is 5 mo today. I love you Ron and I miss your presence but you are in my mind and most important in my heart!
Beautiful absolutely beautiful. That was very well spoken Lady Gloriana. :)
Last night I thought Ron was coming to get me. Everything hurt. Evrything was cramping. My back had not acted that over the top severe in a while. I took a sleeping pill, hoping to sleep throught but no dice. I had to go to work since I don't have leave and I was very dizzy. When I got home at about 11:30 (I work only 4 hours) I took my super pain pill and that put me to sleep until about half an hour ago. I'm still a bit dizzy and a bit nauseous but not as bad as last night/this morning.
Quote from: Lady_Glorianna on March 19, 2009, 07:56:42 PM
Last night I thought he was coming to get me last night. Everything hurt. Evrything was cramping. My bcak had not acted that severe in a long time. I took a sleeping pill, hoping to sleep throught but no dice. I had to go to work since I don't have leave and I was very dizzy. When I got home at about 11:30 (I work only 4 hours) I took my super pain pill and that put me to sleep until about half an hour ago. I'm still a bit dizzy and a bit nauseous but not as bad as last night/this morning.
You remain in my thoughts and prayers. I'll mention your back too. I hope it helps.
Ferret
I'm sorry that your back acted up on you like that M'Lady, but I am glad that you are better now than you were last night. You still remain in my thoughts and prayers though.
I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad flare up.
I hope this gets better quickly.
Well, my back acted up Monday afternoon to the point I could not work yesterday. Still waiting to hear from the pain management doctor re the results of the nerve study to see what is next. I left another message today asking her to call me back. Talk about tired my injury was in 2003, and I have been dealing with work comp since 2005. I'm starting to think that I will never get a resolution and will have to deal with this for the rest of my life and on my own.
I'm so sorry you're having so much trouble getting the help and relief you need and deserve, dear! Please don't give up, though. I know the Universe can be slow at sorting things out, but once it gets in gear those blessings with your name on them will start to come your way, and you'll find out what's been going on all this time, and how to fix it! I believe this, and I believe in the power of your strength!!! Stay strong in your faith, and hold on to your hope... it will get you through when nothing else seems to work!
As always, sending prayers of healing and comfort to you... :)
Rani that was very nicely said and I totally agree with everything as well. Hang in there Lady G............cause the answers you are looking for are on there way.
Hugs and love to you m'lady.
I heard yesterday from the pain management doctor secretary and the nerve study came back normal. She asked me if I was still in pain to which I responded yes and as a matter of fact I had a flare on Monday afternoon and could not work Tuesday. She said she would pass anote to the doctor which might be in today (she wasn't sure) but will be there tomorrow (Sat) for sure. So I will continue to be on stand by as to what is next...
M'Lady
I am not trying to play doctor here, but have you tried or considered acupuncture. When traditional physicians cannot find a physical reason for a condition they ignore the patient and try to convince them that it is just in your head. Even more so when
the patient is standing there screaming "DAMN IT IT HURTS, I AM IN PAIN". It maybe time to consider something none traditional. Be well......
As always you remain in my thoughts and prayers m'lady.
Hugs and love to you lass.
Today Ron would have been 46... :'( :'( :'(
Happy Birthday Ron. You still as always remain in our hearts.
Happy Birthday Ron.
On this Easter day we have your Lady in our thoughts and prayers.
Ferret
quote:
On this Easter day we have your Lady in our thoughts and prayers.
Indeed. Happy Easter to you Lady Gloriana.
I will be brief because I am still not well. As previously posted, I had planned to spend Easter/Ron's Birthday with my relatives. Well, in the wee hours of Sunday I got violently sick and remained like that throughout the day. Some of it stopped but I am still dizzy, achy and weak. None the less, and since I have no leave, I have to get back to work tomorrow. I know I should concern myself with the day at hand but I wonder what will happen Saturday (six mo. mark) and if my relatives are right and I am making myself sick.
I wish I knew the words that would comfort you.
You remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Ferret
I am so sorry to hear of your recently illness Lady G.
God Bless you and you are still in my thoughts and prayers m'lady.
I guess I would say I feel numb, angry, lost and confused. Half of me is gone, arguably the best part. Even though we did not have a long marriage by some standards - six years three months plus five years three months of friendship, we loved each other deeply. We were made for each other. We are soulmates.
I was a very strong, independent woman when Ron met me. He used to say that this is one of the things he was attracted to the most. The truth is that I can never be the same woman I was before. Having Ron in my life has changed it forever. I was loved, treasured, spoiled and protected by the most intelligent, intuitive, nurturing, handsome man.
There is no rhyme or reason in doing some of the things I used to do like taking an all day shopping trip. It does not make sense plus in reality, I always had him to share in what I was doing. He did not see any sense in it but would never say so.
We had so much in common that there is not one day where I encounter something or that something happens that would make me think of him, how he would have reacted, what he would have said or how much he would have enjoyed it.
I had to say that I was his widow, and I started to cry, Even writing this, I am crying. I recently heard someone say that time does not heal or makes you forget but that what time does is to make things more tolerable. I think I agree with that.
Maybe THE plan was for me to love him and to make him happy. Now I realize this might sound selfish but what about me? Am I to continue to have this hole in my life, knowing what I am missing? He knew mw, even at those times when I did not know me, myself. He loved me, protected me, and showed me the world but this was good only because he was there to share. So, what now?
They said in support group that in the beginning you cope and then you survive. I think I will be coping for the rest on my life.
I have appointments tomorow with the pain doctor and the grief counselor
Lady G don't ever think that there is nobody out there that does not love you cause that is just not true. I think I can speak for just about everyone on here in that we all do love you very much. Hey isn't that Fairmily is for. One good thing about having people that love you is the fact that we all share in each others pain and we all hurt when one we love is hurting.
One thing you never have to worry about is not having anyone to turn to cause like I said before that is just not true and believe me when I say that that is something that Ron would not want for you. You know what absolutely amazes me about you is the fact that whenever you talk about Ron I can just feel and see in my mind the love that you two shared and to be honest with you just that thought alone has really pulled me out of some pretty stressful times myself.
I know right now that words probably aren't enough to ease the pain that you have been going through since Ron's passing but please allow me to say to you what I have said to you before and that is that you are still in my thoughts, my prayers, and most importantly my heart.
I love you my friend and may God Bless and keep you as always dear lady. :)
Have you talked with your counselors about how you were before marriage ? I'm wondering if you have to go back farther to get you through the loss you suffered ?
You are loved and cared about by family and friends. You remain in my thoughts in prayers. I sincerely hope it helps you.
Ferret
Well, I am still around. I am getting the third injection on Tuesday. If that does not work well...The pain doc gave me a dvd about an electronic stimulator that they can implant on my back that I guess she thinks might work. Other than that it would be back to the back doc and if Dept of Labor ever agrees more surgery.
Other than that I have an appointment with my counselor today...
I'm glad to hear that your still around and doing well Lady G. As always we love you and you are still in our thoughts and prayers.
You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers girlfriend, and remember you have people on here who care about you and love you. :)
I will be here briefly because I had my shot today and i am in lot of pain. I think I will be home the rest of the week...
Lady G the main thing here is to take care of yourself, take it easy, and get lots of rest.
You are still in my thoughts and prayers lass.
Hugs to you as always dear lady.
I usually do not read this thread- it still hurts too much. I carry on. Take things one day at a time. Too much else is too scary.
I could not have gotten through the pain of losing my husband without all the help here.
Hugs! You are in my thoughts. I know you will find strength!