I'm at wits end and need some advice. My son is 6 and is in trouble everyday at school. Not paying attention, not doing what he's told, not staying still, playing with his school supplies, throwing fits... We have taken everything away, no computer, no tv, no movies, no toys, etc... In fact no faire this weekend because of he keeps getting in trouble. He does his homework, eats dinner, writes lines, and goes to bed early. I'm going to call the school counselor tomorrow and his pediatrician. I'm so worried that will want to just put him on meds. We don't want him on ridilin (which I'm betting they will suggest), he behaves well enough at home, but I just don't know what else to do. This stress, on top of my job situation, is tearing us apart.
Any suggestions?
Trill, a simple thing, but I always hear that sometimes children who don't pay attention might have a problem with eyesight, so that's something to check. Perhaps also, since he's doing fine at home, it's that he feels out of place at school and is unhappy with being there. He's an only child and used to getting all your attention? Have you talked to him about how he fels about his classroom, teacher, classmates etc.? Things to consider anyway.
Is he one of a few boys in a classroom full of girls with a teacher who has no patience for fidgety little boys? And/or is he an extremely bright boy who is bored to tears and finding inappropriate ways to entertain himself? BTDT I ran into both problems with my son (who is now 25 and reasonable well adjusted lol). Putting him in a different classroom with a teacher who doesn't expect 6 year olds to sit still all day or giving him some enrichment activites to do when he finishes his work but has to wait for the rest of the class to catch up are some things that worked for us. Checking with the pediatrician to make sure that he doesn't have ADHD is still a good idea and, if he does, there are medications other than Ritalin to consider.
Is he a smart child perhaps ? Does he finish his schoolwork before the other kids ? I ask because from my experience in teaching and working with kids, I have seen this happen with kids who are very smart for their age. They finish their schoolwork way ahead of the other kids in class and they get bored, or they are bored with the schoolwork the teacher is teaching cause they already know it.
One suggestion is to ask the teacher to give him extra schoolwork.
Other one would be to have his IQ tested. he may be bored at the grade level he is at, and may nedd to advance a level.
Other idea is to ask the teacher to have him help her/him around the classroom, by maybe erasing the chalkboards, cleaning erasers, etc...to get his extra energy out.
Also some of his behavior is very typical of a six year old boy. I have a six year old son who I homeschool every day, and their are days that i struggle to keep his attention while we are doing schoolwork.
another thought i have..have you had his vision and hearing checked? Can he hear the teacher and see the blackboard okay ? If not this maybe causing him fustration and causing him to act out in class.
Remember you are his parent. you have the right to say no, to having them put him on riddlin. I have seen to many kids put on it when it is not necessary at all.
Good luck to you. It is not always easy being aparent. My mother always says" The first 20 years are the hardest." Keep us posted on how he does !
i haven't noticed any problems with his eyes. I've worn glasses since I was 12 and come from a family of glasses wearers, so I know the signs! :P He is an only child but doesn't act up as much as home, but he also doesn't have as much of a strict environment as home. He hasn't said much about his teacher or the other kids when I ask but says he likes it. He's always excited about the new things he has learned. I asked his teacher once if she thought maybe he wasn't challenged enough and was distracted but she said no. I know being fidgity and distracted is normal but at what point is it abnormal? We had a lot of these same problems last year in kindergarten.
Try Ritalin..
I know. We had two ADHD kids, and a small dose of Ritalin helped immensely. 5 mg in the morning, with a cup of coffee, no sugar, worked wonders. Now, this is not the only piece of the puzzle...keep an eye on his diet and exercise. NO sugar, and easy on the carbs, and fruit. Monitor what he eats after 6 p.m., as anything else will disturb his sleep pattern. Does he sleep thru the night or is he a wandering kid at 11 p.m.? He will still require attention, and discipline still needs to be enforced. Constant contact with teacher, principal and doctor is also a huge must.
The bugaboo with Ritalin is that in the 70's they overdosed the little darlings...They went through the day on wheels, stoned out of their minds. Ritalin is not a dirty word, and a small dose will do a world of good. Take it from some one who had three kids.... my step son, Shawn, could hardly function in school till Red took him the doctor. He then referred her to a shrink, who put Shawn thru some tests, and determined he needed a small amount. The doctor monitored Shawn, taking blood and weight once a month, making sure he was not overdosed. The difference was significant, and Shawn went from F student in first grade, to honor roll in second grade.
Please RenMail me if you wish to converse further. Please do not dismiss Ritalin out of hand; it is only part of a larger solution.
As the mother of ADHD child, now an ADHD adult, I can only echo Seamus. Ritalin, or some other med, may be a world of help. It helped my son get through grade school. After that he dug in his heels and did a big fat goose egg until he finally dropped out. He did go back & get a GED. He was hell on wheels in school, starting in Pre-K.
He sleeps through the night, it was a fight to get him there...he used to get up in the middle of the night and come to our room. He is an energizer bunny...just keeps going...and we don't give him much sugar. He rarely drinks soda, just very occasional root beer or sprite on special occasions, mostly drinks water or milk. If he is good, he is allowed a treat - piece of candy, popcicle, etc... He does good on his schoolwork. He just tends to get distracted easily. Like "Ohh something shiney" easily.
I think our main fear of the psych meds is that we both worked in a psych hospital and have seen the effects of too much meds. We know what kinds of contraindications can come from them and the effects they can have through your entire life, but we also know the good effects that can come from it. It's just a scary decision...
Something very simple that has hit a lot of kids. What does he have for breakfast? Do you take the time to cook a tradional breakfast with meat, dairy and starch, or do you give him a bowl of ceral that's packed full of sugar that makes him hyper half the day and then lets him crash?
If I have time and he's hungry it's a fruit bar or a piece of fruit normally, then he may eat something else at daycare before they take him to school. We have to leave the house at 6:20 in the morning and it's a stretch to make that deadline. He doesn't get to school until just before 8. With my hubby being diabetic, I try not to keep too much of any types of sweets around the house.
Fruit digests as sugar. Oatmeal - the unflavored kind - would give him a good base. Or some cheese or hard-boiled eggs are a good travel snack.
I have a 6 year old too and I feel for you. Hope everything works its self out.
Remember what doctors diagnose doesn't mean you have to administer
We had that issue last year with our son. He just turned 5 in August and we put him in Kindergarten. He had trouble from the start. Every week we were getting calls from the school. Running out of the classroom, throwing fits and ripping up papers, even hiding in his cubby. We thought we put him in too early but they kept reassuring us that it was going to be OK. By the end of the year they wanted to label him EBD (emotional behavioral disorder) and we said no way! We got him into counseling and had him tested for ADHD but he wasn't even close to it on paper. Well we held him back and had him repeat Kindergarten and he is having a great year this year.
I don't know if he is in K or 1st grade but it may be anxiety of being at school. Or he may need to have stricter rules at school. They just wanted to pass our kid off and not evenreally help him so thisyear we put him in a private school and he is doing so much better.I really think public schools are all about money and not really helping kids these days. Our son is just fine at home too. But this year he really loves school and we have had no problems yet. It may be you just need to hold him back and little boys are not mature enough sometimes at 5/6 yrs old for school.
Good luck.
A good fast breakfast can also be peanut butter or even better, almond butter on a good whole grain toast with a touch of low sugar jam or honey. It's easy, travels well and I eat it alot when I need breakfast and don't want to cook.
My Brinson is going through the same thing right now. He's throwing fits and not finishing his work, and insisting on doing enrichment instead of his work. I'm lucky that we're only having an issue once a week or every two. I'm just so worried, because he's wicked smart. His reading is phenomenal, and his comprehension is out of this world. We just took him out of private school, and he's trying to get adjusted. I'm not one for doping my kiddos, I'd rather see us find some way to center him by meditation, or reward systems for good behavior.
Quote from: blue66669 on October 08, 2009, 12:04:48 AM
I'm just so worried, because he's wicked smart. His reading is phenomenal, and his comprehension is out of this world. I'd rather see us find some way to center him by meditation, or reward systems for good behavior.
Exactly, Blue. How sad that being smart has become such a crime, to be doped up as a quick fix. Yes, in certain cases meds are needed for certain issues, but being smart is not an illness---the issues (boredom by finishing so early, easily distractible by being able to fully consider multiple things at once, not being able to connect with peers, etc.) just need to be dealt with in an appropriate manner. Meditation is a great idea. Reward systems that a brighter kid enjoys are great, too. The idea of having him help out around the classroom would be a good way to channel excess energy: make it a game to see how fast he can get the board erased, etc.
Being that I am older and do not have children, my solution is simple...beat them. I was spanked as needed and have never spent a day in jail. When I was a kid, teachers could spank misbehaving students who would get another one from their parents when they got home. (Ahhh the good old days). I'm not suggesting giving bruises, welts, scars, cuts or marks, but the minor pain and shame of a little pop on the fanny can help.
Of course, what do I know...I also want to bring back the pillory in the public square for minor criminal wrongs as well as nonlethal dueling for civil disputes.
I encourage you to start with the school counselor first. Behavior modification, in my opinion, is the first route to explore.
I would also ask what is going on at school that may be upsetting to your wee one. Is there another student that is picking on him or in someway upsets him? Since you indicate that he is fine at home then I would look at the venue where the behavior is unacceptable...school.
Is there more then one class of his grade? If so, consider requesting to move him into the other classroom. Sometimes there can be a teacher/student personality conflict. A new atmosphere may change his behavior too.
Keep steady Trill....many of us have been there and it'll eventually get better dear.
I'd say check with the councilor, your pediatritian, the teacher, and most importantly your son about whats going on. There may be something about the particular teacher. It may be something thats getting more and more common around here, where to 'increase instructionaL time' they are cutting recess, causingchildren to get antsy. It may be, as others have said, especially if he is doing well, that he really is simply bored (regardless of what the teacher says). Sadly to say, not knowing the situation, he could be looking for help or attention about something else, and simply sees being the focus of attention as a start. Personally, I think our society's growing reliance on medication for just about anything is disgusting. I spent years on various meds for bi-polar disorder, and can truely say I know that they can at times be necassary. But as the doctor I dealt with told me, meds should always be a last choice, used minimally, and just as a tool to get focused enough for other methods to have a chance. 6 year olds by nature should be hyper, and with short attention spans. He's a LITTLE KID! Make sure there isn't something wrong, but let him be a kid. Its the only time he can be.
My boys both did that at school. And actually I am fighting one of them with that right now. They are great at home, do their school work, actually are making straight A's but have a lil conduct problem at school. I changed one of my kids teachers and that worked for him, where as the other one just had a seat change and that worked for him. I'm one who doesnt think medicine is always the reason. I know in our house when the kids act like that there is something wrong with school/teacher/class/classmates that they wont tell you about. Best of luck though.
You might also have himn tested for food allergies. I have a friend who was going through this same thing with her child, apparently his allergies to some foods was basically like giving him speed, had the same effect. He's now on a gluten free diet and doing great.
I called the counselor and the doctor today and didn't hear back from either. GGRRRR.... However the receptionist at the doctor said she was mailing a behavior packet that has information and a tracking sheet for us and his teacher. She said that if the doctor feels the need for a behavior appointment, he will want that information collected first. So at least we have a start. Thankfully I know that his doctor is not one to immediately resort to meds and he is a pediatric professor at the local educational hospital.
My boy was in trouble again today, talking in class, not staying still... Thankfully, he isn't violent (with the exception of the occasional fit) just distracted and talkative. I asked if he liked his class, the teacher, the kids...he said yes. He hasn't mentioned being picked on, he did tell me that a few times last year in kindergarten. I suspect he may be bored. He breezes right through the books and spelling words they send home. I also think he is struggling against the structure, he doesn't really have to deal with that at home.
Hoowil, I feel the same as you about meds. I don't take anything unless its absolutely necessary and I try to do the same with my family. There are times when it is necessary and just don't know if this is it. Hopefully we'll get something figured out.
Just wanted to give you all an update. I spoke with his doctor and he does feel it is ADD but still needs to do his assessment. We got the questionnaires filled out and returned but the doctor is out recovering from back surgery and we want to wait for him to return instead of dealing with a different doctor. Also, the school counselor put the boy on a different behavior system where he is graded/reminded/rewarded by the hour instead of a one strike and your out approach. It's done wonders. He's has greens most days since and we are very proud of him. We also think not allowing him to go to TRF the day I went and standing our ground had an effect also (I'll admit we almost caved in!).
Ask the doctor about having him tested for food allergies as well.
I have a friend whose son was constantly fidgeting, didn't pay attention in class, and couldn't stay focused. Before she agreed to medicate him, she insisted on allergy testing. The results included a yeast allergy (made his little behind itch, no wonder he couldn't sit still in class); a sugar sensitivity, and a SEVERE apple allergy (within 5 minutes of the test for apples he was literally WILD in the doctor's office, running around like a maniac and turning cartwheels), among other milder allergies. They adjusted his diet, and he quickly realized (even at 8 years old) that he FELT better when he avoided the allergens, and that he didn't like the person he was when he had something he was allergic to (such as half of a frozen fruit pop, which is apple juice based). The allergy information didn't cure all of his problems, as he is also severely dyslexic and has a couple of other issues, but it made a HUGE improvement.
I feel your pain. I have a wee male one myself, and he is never still for more than 5 minutes at a time. He does not do well in school. It is not an easy solution, but home school has terminated the teacher's complaints. He learns in 5 minute segments, and we play a LOT of physical learning games. Some children do not do well in the public school system that requires them to sit down and be quiet. What was done before Ridalin? We are first and foremost intelligent animals ... designed to be active participants in life, and men/boys are hard wired for hunting/gathering, the better they were at providing, the more likely they were to pass on their genes. The point is, your son is normal, and it is more likely that the school staff just doesn't know how to deal with him. Since 90% of little kids can be fairly easily controlled, the 10% that can't must be drugged into submission.
I hope you find a solution that works for you and your wee one.
Glad to hear things are improving, 6 can be a difficult age,IMO!
Wish you the best of luck, Trillium! :)
And, if what the doc says doesn't sound right, follow you mamma instincts! Nothing wrong with 2nd opinions!
OK, this is not a recommendation....... :D
All seriousness aside, you've gotta give props to NORML. Apparently, they'll try anything......
http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/health/2009/11/25/2009-11-25_kids_with_adhd_prescribed_medical_marjiuana_in_california.html
Quote from: Sir William Marcus on October 07, 2009, 08:58:20 PM
I have a 6 year old too and I feel for you. Hope everything works its self out.
Remember what doctors diagnose doesn't mean you have to administer
That is not necessarily true. We were threatened with Jamison being pulled out of school and us charged with child neglect if we did not start giving him pills. He took them for about 2 1/2 years and we finally got them to agree to take him off of the meds as he is starting puberty.
have you looked into a martial arts class? Some times it as simple as the kid not getting enough physical exercise. I have a couple of ADD students I put them through heavy exercise pushups, sit ups, jumping jacks and lots of kicking and punching for half and hour or so then I can teach them forms and techques etc.
We would love some sort of extra curricular activity but right now time and especially money doesn't allow for it. The top contenders are martial arts and soccer. Perhaps once I find a permanent job we'll be able to do something...
Quote from: Trillium on November 26, 2009, 08:42:39 PM
We would love some sort of extra curricular activity but right now time and especially money doesn't allow for it. The top contenders are martial arts and soccer. Perhaps once I find a permanent job we'll be able to do something...
I don't know how tight your financial *and* time budget is, but you can start soccer now just by picking up a cheap ball, making your own "net", and having the family/some of his friends over for practices. Research some practice drills on the internet, have a practice/warmup session, and then...an actual game! It might help short term until you can get him into a formal soccer program.
As an ADD child I was on Ritalin this is speed (end of discussion I found out from the doctors). I also went through counseling (didn't help either) one thing I learned was meditation techniques (worked wonders to this day). The soccer or martial arts is a grand idea if money is possible,yes you can do this at home. If meds are necessary there are other better alternatives both of my girls have been on them and they were on them a short while as the doctor monitored their progress. As a wiccan I don't like a lot of meds or to see the doctor I'm also 41 years old and still feeling the negative effects of 10 years of ritalin at 5mg doses. Best of luck and my prayers and sympathy are with you. I may soon be going through the same problem with my son who is now 4 years old. Hang in there life does get better.
WARNING: Long post :)
Hey Trillium,
I haven't posted here at R/F in some time and came across this thread as I was looking around. I felt compelled to reply.
Your situation sounds EXACTLY like ours (even our sons are approximately the same age). Any updates you care to share?
We finally went to see our pediatrician because our son's in-school antics were starting to have a detrimental effect on his academics, he was becoming more socially isolated from his peers and we began to feel that a meeting with the Principal was becoming more of a reality every day (He turned 6 in December and is in Kindergarten). Like you were were trying everything in our arsenal we knew to do, and he came home nearly everyday with Reds and Blues (not good colors in this case). We were actually happy when he had a Yellow (Orange and Green are the better colors).
My wife was (and in principal, still is) opposed to medicating. I was on the fence with regard to medicating because I, myself, was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a kid (back then they called it Minimal Brain Dysfunction with Hyperactivity). For the sake of reference, I'm 45. I was put on Ritalin and had side effects galore (nervous tics, loss of appetite, slowed growth, zoning out to the point of being 'zombie-like'). I am going somewhere with this :)
We discussed it with our Doctor and after expressing our concerns (especially mine), cautiously agreed to put our son on Vyvanse (we were told that Ritalin is rarely prescribed anymore). Vyvanse is a ritalin-like stimulant but is time released for better effect.
As much as we didn't want to do it, I have to say- unless something changes- we're glad we went that route. His behavior in school is much improved, his academics have gone through the roof (he was even recommended for evaluation for the schools Gifted and Talented program, alas we learned today he did not make it into the program but I think that's just a maturity issue, I mean hey he's only in Kindergarten. Pardon the digression). The beauty of it is (and I was relieved to see this) NO side effects (more on that in a second, though).
Ultimately, our goal is is to have him off the medication and flying on his own. That's where the Behavior Modification work comes in (my wife was a Music Therapist for about 17 years and her minor was psychology, so I think she's well qualified to lay out that program). We are also about to have him professionally evaluated to determine and pinpoint his learning style as well as make sure there are no other LD's (Dyslexia, vision, Auditory Processing, etc.) lurking behind the ADHD making his life even more difficult. We're pretty sure there's no dyslexia going on because he's learning to read WAY faster than his older sister did.
However, I will warn you, if you do go the medication route- that stuff is BLOODY EXPENSIVE! And that's AFTER the insurance co-pay (I'm talking $100+ for a supply of 30 which, because we don't give it to him on weekends, comes out to be roughly a 6 week supply. Even more if you luck out and get a few holidays in). Not easy right now because my wife is in college as I write this and we are living on one income (I'll just say we're not rich or otherwise "rolling in dough").
Back to the meds. Our older child (our daughter) also seems to be showing signs of ADD (not so much the hyperactivity which, as I understand it, is a typical manifestation in girls). We also put her on the Vyvanse. We took her off of it after 4 days because I began to see the signs of the side effects in her after the first day. Obviously, she's inherited from me something in her physiology that will not allow the meds to work in her. She will also be going through the same evaluations that her brother will go through. Funny thing is, after we took her off the meds- we never told her teacher. Since then, (and my sincerest apologies to all of the teachers who read and post here) her teacher has been sending home glowing reports of how well our daughter is now doing in class. LOL!!! However, with her we've been taking a dietary and supplementary (vitamins and minerals) approach, and that does seem to be helping. Also, we did learn that she has eyesight issues and have corrected that.
I could go on longer. I would be interested in hearing how things are going for you and if you have any questions of me feel free to ask.
Best of luck to you and I hope everything is working out for you! :)
We decided to put him on meds in January. The dr recommended Vyvanse to start with and it is working wonderfully! Since starting it, he has had one yellow a week, the rest are greens. Even daycare has commented about how well behaved and focused he is. Thankfully for us, the meds are midtier and only cost $30, and our doctor gave a us a card from the pharm co. that gives us half off thru June. (Which is more than I can say for his asthma meds that will cost 60 once we can afford to pick them up.) Our pediatrician has 2 kids with ADD and every description he gave left me nodding. He won't prescribe ritalin unless absolutely necessary. As much as we dreaded putting him on meds, its been a wonderful decision. Our son is so proud of himself coming home with greens all the time!
Well that's great. ;D I'm glad to hear it's working out for you. As for the cost of the meds- I want YOUR insurance. Geeze! We're paying through the nose for the Vyvanse. I mean- for our son's sake- the cost is worth it but... man! You definitely got a better deal going there. :)
Well good. I'm glad to hear it's all working out. Gotta go now!
Later!
:)
Sadly, our deal will run out in the next few months unless I find a job with insurance!!
Yeouch! Well good luck there as well. :)