having kids

[Muffin]

Muffin, I actually know a couple of kids who get every single thing they ask for... and within 5 minutes of meeting them you would likely wonder why these two weren't strangled at birth.  Really...

It's completely the fault of their parents, who thought they were giving their children a wonderful life... when all they are really giving them is a sense of entitlement, and a profound dissatisfaction with everything!  Of course, the parents are just as bad... so I'm convinced that it really does have as much to do with nurture as with nature.

It's wonderful of parents to want to give their children the best of everything... but it's not always in the best interest of the child to do so.  

I know that giving a child everything they want is not the right way to raise a child. I guess I should have clarified.. I'm not talking about buying them every toy, treat, etc. that they demand.. I want to be able to provide for them, and have enough money left over so that they can participate in activities, little league, cub scouts, girl scouts, gymnastics, dance, go to camp, etc.. etc... I don't want to be in a position where I have to say, sorry honey, you can't join x, Mom and Dad don't have the money, we have to buy food instead...

[cowgrrl]

Don't let anyone tell you that you have to have kids OR (my personal pet peeve) that you can't travel with kids. Yes, our vacations changed but we've traveled a LOT with our kids, starting at a very young age. In their short lives (13 & 10) they've been all over the US, on a cruise to Mexico, Europe and Turkey. Next year we're doing an Alaskan cruise & I forsee a trip to Japan on the horizon.
But again, you don't have to have kids. Seeing the hell my nephews have gone through because their mom didn't want to be a mom cconvinces me that not everyone should have kids. Besides, as a friend of mine once said 'The world needs more Aunties & Uncles'. And I agree!

[Lady Christina de Pond]

spoiling children and giving them all the toys mom and dad won't let them have is the job of grandparents and the aunt and uncles 
and trust me i love being an aunt i love the spoiling them rotten gave my nephew lemonade yesterday then sent him home to my brother and sister in law

ofcourse i can't wait for his pool to arrive either the boy is fasinated with water

[BLAKDUKE]

I have one that is shade darker than that.  I will not mention names or affiliation just to keep it simple.

a couple had a daughter.  He was a cop. she was a waitress.  He was a drunk, she was a slut.   As the child got older 3 more children came into the picture, however it was not rough on the parents because they had this built in 8 year old babysitter.  As she got older and was in danger of going out and having fun and leaving the raising of the three boys to the wife, they concocted a story that she had epilepsy, and had to be on constant medication that basically left her a zombie.  Of course not being able to go outside and play, she could therefore stay at home and take care of her three brothers.  Then when the brothers were out and on their own, it became known that somehow a mistake was made and she did not really have epilepsy after all, ohh so sorry, but you can go out and get married or something because all I need are my boys.

TRUE STORY

Moral  Get puppies.  They grow into dogs that will give you unconditional love for as long as they live.............

[Anna Iram]

Hey Auryn. I gotta weigh in here as well. My thoughts are that life is meant to be a joyous adventure. One in which you'll never know just what will be around the next corner. If you spend your life worrying about what bad thing *might* happen you'll end up sitting in the corner and possibly regretting what you did NOT do. Do you not marry the love of your life because there is cancer in his family and he might become ill himself? Do you not drive hundreds of miles a month knowing that people die every day in auto accidents?

Life is a sort of gamble. All you can do is decide if a child is something that you want. Or not. Agree wholeheartedly on having screenings to see if there are complications present, but beyond that who knows, and finances don't make a child a success in life. Often it's just the opposite. Look at Oprah. Look at so many. Sometimes it,s the challenges in life that push one toward success. You might bring someone I to this world that through challenges can go on to be a very bright light. Think about it.

[Merlin the Elder]

Just do...whatever. It doesn't really matter WHAT you do, there will be consequences, both good and bad. Nim asked me a while back, what would I change if I could? I replied, "Nothing at all." She was puzzled as to why not, and the answer is that anything I had changed in the past might have changed who I was with right now, and that is something that I most definitely would not want changed.

[Rani Zemirah]

You have got to be just the sweetest man I've ever met, Merlin... and Nim is a lucky woman to have you!  Of course, I think she's pretty wonderful, as well... so you're BOTH lucky!!!   

[Lady Neysa]

solution:

Get a couple of puppies.  If you can handle that then try for kids.

Oh gosh, this is no lie...When my now teenage kids were in elementary school, we decided to get them a dog.  Our decision whether or not to get the dog seemed more difficult than our decision to have kids!   Having the kids just happened, it wasn't planned so it was out of our hands.  We discussed the pros and cons of getting the dog and it was such a serious discussion we had to laugh over it being a harder decision than the kids!

[Mairte]

No joke about the dog thing...if someone cant take responsibility for a dog, they are no way going to be able to manage a child.

[Once Debauched]

I turned 40 this year.

My daughter turned 6 this year.

10 years ago I was in the same boat as you and I fully understand how you feel.

I didn't get pregnant till I was 33, and she was a surprise.  I had given up the thought of having children.  I thought it was simply not supposed to be a part of my life and I had learned to accept it so you can imagine how excited I was to learn someone had other ideas in mind when blessing me with a child.

As a parent you are changed forever and find yourself worrying about everything mentioned here in this thread and probably 100 more not mentioned.

Yes I don't have as much energy as I might have were I 20-something instead of 40, but there's many benefits of being older.  I'm more patient, rational, emotionally resilient, creative, tolerant.  I don't care if she wants to wear a pink camo skirt with christmas green and red socks to school.  I know how to enjoy the time with my child and value her as a part of my life and that's something I know I couldn't have done 20 years ago.


When I was taking my birthing class they handed out this great short story that I wish I still had a copy of.  It was titled Amsterdam. 

The idea behind the story was you were taking a trip, a wonderful trip and you had everything planned out so you knew exactly where you were going, what you were doing and how much fun you would have.  Only problem was you stepped off the plane and found yourself in Amsterdam which is not where you had planned to go.

At first you're disappointed, but then realize that it's not such a bad place after all.  There's still wonderful things to do and see, you have a wonderful time and you're very happy that's where you ended up.

Having a child - special needs or not - is like taking a trip and ending up in Amsterdam.  It's not where you planned on going, but you had a wonderful time just the same.

[Lady Neysa]

I know that giving a child everything they want is not the right way to raise a child. I guess I should have clarified.. I'm not talking about buying them every toy, treat, etc. that they demand.. I want to be able to provide for them, and have enough money left over so that they can participate in activities, little league, cub scouts, girl scouts, gymnastics, dance, go to camp, etc.. etc... I don't want to be in a position where I have to say, sorry honey, you can't join x, Mom and Dad don't have the money, we have to buy food instead...

In a perfect world, we would all always have enough money for everything we need and want.  As has already been said, if you wait until you think you can afford to have children, you never will.  In today's world unless you are very well off financially,  you very well may have to choose between fun things like your child joining sports teams, taking lessons,etc., and necessities like food and paying the electric bill.  This is a reality my family deals with every day.  It does get old having to say no to the kids sometimes, but we do the best we can.  They don't get everything they want, but they get everything they need.  We do our best to make the things that are most important to them happen, even though that usually means sacrificing something for ourselves. There's a reason I only make it to faire once or twice a season, and I'm thankful I can do that.  Although I would rather be able to give them everything they ask for( within reason), I think that growing up the way they have will help to prepare them for life better than if they grew up spoiled with a sense of entitlement. Or at least that's what I try to convince myself.

[Rapier Half-Wit]

Give anyone, everything they ask for and they will soon come to beleive that they are entitled to everything.