What's the stupidist/funniest thing you've said to friends or people at work?

[CelticOne]

Tell us your stories. I have two for your enjoyment.

Firstly the stupidiest thing I have said recently was to a guest at my store. He wanted to know where men's underwear was located. Well I knew right where they were so I pointed him in the right direction and let him know that the men's lingere was over there. I'm pretty sure I went as red as my shirt(I work for Target) and then stumbled around for the right words. Fortunately the gentleman in question had a good laugh and just went along with my slip of the tongue.

My funniest story(in recent memory) with a friend was that we were unloading the truck from work and I found wrapped up but buried at the bottom of a box a glass rosebud. So to prevent said peice of glass from getting broken I set it aside until we were done. I then took it over to my boss, gave it to him and said "This bud's for you". Needless to say everyone in earshot had a bad case of the giggles after that.

[Alphonse]

I work with a bunch of men loading trucks, most have the mentality of juvenile delinquents and their vocabulary matches what you might expect from that. Often they threaten violence as well, as a form of humour. Recently I had one, a twenty-something ape slightly larger then myself, use a  particular colloquial term to describe me as a m.f. . I explained to the young lad that he should hold me in a certain degree of respect, as I was of an age that I could possibly very well be his father were there not laws in our great state against having certain forms of relations with live stock...

[Lady Christina de Pond]

when i worked for Kmart I once got on the speaker and asked for customer assistance to the maternity ward. Oppppsssss

I prank called a coworker once and when he answered i squeezed a talking tigger and just right it goes Hi I'm Tigger

I've answered the phone here once Thanks for calling Christina this is business as soon as I said it i started rolling in the floor. it was supposed to be thanks for calling business this is Christina

[KeeperoftheBar]

One time when I was passing out paychecks, I shouted "Get them before they bounce!".  I was the only one who thought it was funny.  I won't tell you what my boss said about it.

Another time, early in the morning, I got on the company intercom with by boom box and played my "Scotland the Brave" bagpipe tape.  Again no one thought it was funny but they walked by my office with a jauntier step for a bit.

[Lady Kett]

I told my boss, who is very religious, that we were hiring a stripper for him for his birthday. He turned bright red and played right on, asking who was coming out of the cake. At which point I looked at another one of my/our employees and said, "well Cupcake here has volunteered." I thought he (my boss) was going to die of embarrassment.

I've also told the boss's-boss that I'm going to have my husband come to the office in his kilt one day, which makes the boss's-boss blush to no end. Every time I mention the world kilt, he goes beet-red. It's fabulous.

Of course, I do have an evil streak in me. But it keeps work from being boring!

[Celtic_Fae]

I was suggesting to my chiropractor (a very good looking, but married man) that, to expand his practice, he might want to look into psych sessions as part of his regimen. Next thing I know, his face has turned bright red and he splutters, "Oh! But I'm a good Christian man!" Apparently, he thought I said "sex" sessions. 

[midnightferret]

Once, I was really on a roll teaching college freshmen (English 101). I mean I was on a roll, they were paying attention, the stars were in alignment, and it was great. Well, I forgot where I was and wrapped something up with "and we don't really need to worry about that sh--."

The response was as you might expect. They laughed and went "ooooo" and all. So I said "Shut the h--- up!" And glared at them. They laughed, and they did and we continued with the lecture... *shrugs*

Another time, one of my fellow instructors was trying to get the computer lab open and wasn't sure she had the right combination. I helped her, and we finally got it open, and as I was walking away in a hall full of students, I said really loudly, "It just needs to be jiggled right before it'll give up the goods!" Whoops.

[Ferret]

For funniest ( one of many ) I'd go with this.

Many years ago, when pagers became popular. I had a young Lady shooting pool in my business. A very nice person, and very short in stature. Very short.

This particular night my place was packed. Her pager went off, and it sounded like the siren they use before detonating explosives. I shouted out, "look out, the midget's going to blow".

It brought the house down. She even had tears in her eyes she was laughing so hard.
Ferret