If aliens actually contact Earth, who speaks for humanity?

[Valiss]

Let's say the Aliens come to Earth and uses our TV system to broadcast a message that they would like to initiate contact with humans and would like to speak to Earth's representative. Well this aint Star Trek and we dont have a single government for Earth yet, so who should do it? Some president? Religious leader? A famous atronomer? Maybe some scientist NASA?

Now I know who should do it and who will actually do it are probably different answers, so give us both if you want.

[Just Randall]

Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick and Eric Cartman.

[LadyElizabeth]

Well I think it should be delegation of folks.  Some scientists who would know the in depth questions about where they come from and such.  And then a few people from the UN.  And then some really famous world news anchors who are really good at asking hard hitting questions and getting to the heart of things... 

Who's actually do it?  who knows... I guess it depends on where their ships were, it's probably some kind of group UN decision either way though, a few presidents of the leadings nations probably.

[KeeperoftheBar]

It should be someone with age, experience, common sense and no axe to grind.  Since Walter Cronkite passed away, I would suggest Andy Rooney.  But please, whoever it is, don't let it be a politician, else we might all end up being slaves working in an alien mine somewhere.

[Captain Jack Wolfe]

No one in any position of power, authority, or celebrity whatsoever.  They've gotten us into enough trouble as it stands.

It should be ordinary people.  Plain, simple, wonderfully ordinary people.

[Ferret]

Jeff Foxworthy. Since the aliens are always abducting the dumbest redneck they can find, Jeff might speak their language.
Ferret

[Demetrius]

William Shatner.

[Noble Dreg]

It should be someone with age, experience, common sense and no axe to grind.  Since Walter Cronkite passed away, I would suggest Andy Rooney.  But please, whoever it is, don't let it be a politician, else we might all end up being slaves working in an alien mine somewhere.

Not Andy Rooney!  His eye-brows alone would scare the bajeezus out of the Vogons!  Then he'd open his mouth..."Ever wonder why it's so hard to open a bottle of Aspirin?  They got this little seal with a cotton ball under it..."  E.T. would pack up in a hurry to get away from the sheer boredom!

[Lady Christina de Pond]

send my neighbor dude was supersmart(he just has no common sense) but send someone else with him that has street smarts that way if they eat one they won't

[Morgan Dreadlocke]

Aliens would get much more consistant, truthful, answers interviewing the Magic 8 Ball. (or meybe Ded Bob )

[BubbleWright]

I think a delegation of 4 to 5 year old children would do the job... they are still open to wonderment.

[Barret]

Well they should talk to me of course!

I feel like they would meet with someone from the UN in all reality, probably an elected delegation. But then again, maybe they already meet with humans and just do it on their own terms, and like some one pointed out, they seem to have taken a liking to the more backwards types.

[Ian Maxwell]

I would say, Dennis Prager, If you don't know who he is, go listen to a show or two. Very intelligent man.

Ian

[Lord Clisto of York]

I believe the perfect person would have to be in all seriousness - Stephen Hawking. It's in some way part of his lifes work before he dies knowing the meaning of everything.

[BryanPopp]

Whom ever is going to disect them for the government.

[Ian Maxwell]

Jerry Springer?

[Butch]

It would be members of Earth's government; how could it not be?  Probably representatives from the UN.

...or maybe the Aliens would send invitations out (again) and Richard Dreyfus would go (again).

[Blackbead]

All right, ALL RIGHT!  I'll do it.  I can see it now . . .

"Hey, man!  Git yer skinny ol' butt outta that steel intertube and c'mon in for some tuna fish sandwiches and Miller Light!  I'm gonna talk yer ear off . . . hmm, looks like somebody beat me to it, ol' buddy!"

On second thought, perhaps that Stephen Hawking chap would be a better choice. 

[Auryn]

I third the suggestion of Stephen Hawking
See I don't think a "common ordinary person" could do it- granted I am thinking of the lowest common denominator in the population.

I love these kinds of questions, maybe thats why i love the book Contact- the movie is great too

[Anna Iram]

Emeril Lagasse? Wolfgang Puck? After all it's not really a matter of "if" but "when" and having learned everything I know about Aliens from "The Twilight Zone" well...if you can't beat 'em cook with 'em.

[LadyElizabeth]

Alright, so I'm going to renig my last suggestion in favor of Stephen Hawkings!!!!!  He's a fantastic idea, good job Lord Clisto!

[Lady Nicolette]

How about Ray Bradbury?  He'd be a fine representative and a wonderful chronicler...

[Bonny Pearl]

If only George Carlin were still with us... that is who I would pick! 

[Anna Iram]

LOL! Yep. Agreed.  He's an awesome choice. How can you not love a race that brings you:

1. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
2. Swimming is not a sport; swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
3. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
4. Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shiner bock, and your shiner bock is stuff?
5. If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?
6. Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
7. If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
8. It's never just a game when you're winning.
9. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
10. The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
11. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man...living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
12. Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
13. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
14. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
16. As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.
17. The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
18. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
19. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
20. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
21. I don't like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.
22. Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.
23. Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see: "We are the proud parents of a child who's self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn't need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."
24. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
25. Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
26. Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
27. If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense?
28. What year did Jesus think it was?
29. George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
30. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It's because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
31. In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
32. Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.
33. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there, buddy?
34. Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.
35. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
36. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
37. The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
38. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
39. So far, this is the oldest I've been.
40. Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
41. When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lof worth paying attention to.
42. The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren't quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.
43. I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
44. If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
45. Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
46. I don't have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.
47. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
48. Life is a zero sum game.
49. I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it.
50. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live

[Molden]

Bobcat Goldthwait   

[Bonny Pearl]

Thank you Anna!  Great break from drudgery reading that. 

[Anna Iram]

LOL! Lord can you imagine if Aliens actually showed up and TALKED like Bobcat! Yikes!

Bonny, you are welcome. His way of thinking always makes me smile. Thanks for bringing him to mind.

[renren]

For some reason, I wanna say Robin Williams... he's not only funny, he's been an alien before! (Cuz if you see it on TV, it MUST be true!)