Author Topic: Coupla Pomes :)  (Read 3572 times)

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Offline Charlotte Rowan

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Coupla Pomes :)
« on: May 21, 2008, 03:00:23 PM »
A couple of my original poems, for those who are interested.

Mods - I hope the 2nd one is okay. I starred out the swear words.

Hard Times Café
Minneapolis, MN

The door is wide open, letting the rain come in. 
Plants frame the window, remind her of home.
She ducks inside. 
The guy at the counter hands her a scrap of paper,
he tells her to write down what she wants.
‘Rigatoni, $3.49’.
"They’ll call you when it’s done," he says.
She goes to sit by the window, drawn
by a trapezoid of gray, rainy sunlight
on the raw dark dirty floor. 
She finds a black-turtleneck clad
Someone already there,
sits at the counter instead. 
It’s in the center of the café,
the focal point in a perspective drawing
and the stools are high,
higher than the other tables.
She is on display.
She may as well shout, "Hey!
I eat meat and real cheese
and live in the suburbs!”
A man with a ripped shirt, pierced lip,
and dreadlocks looks blatantly at her
over his chipped mug of strong, organically-grown joe.
The waitress calls her name--they are out of rigatoni but
would she like vegan mac-and-cheese instead,
‘cause it costs the same?
She eats it for the experience
but it tastes brackish, metallic.
It’s stopped raining
so she puts on her scarf,
buttons her jacket,
takes her fork to the bin that says SILVERWEAR
and her plate to the only other bin,
which is labeled BROKEN DISHES.
Throwing her napkin away on the way out,
she passes the dreadlocked man,
who meets her eyes
and smiles.

Girls’ Room Graffiti
Minnetonka High School, MN

headstrong teenager   jaded teacher         careless denigration
            welling anger

violent urges      black Sharpie         scrawled: F***!
            cathartic rebellion

shy girl         teacher’s pet         furtive glance
            tidy handwriting

      on the tampon box:
      “I love Matt.”
      Her overwhelming
      to speak his name
      for now

jaded custodian      “D*** kids.”      caustic spray
            obliterated legacies

Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

Offline Blackbead

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Re: Coupla Pomes :)
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2008, 10:24:22 AM »
VERY vivid imagery.  Nice job of comparing/contrasting viewpoints.  I especially liked "Graffiti."  Keep up the good work.

"It's not the gold that sets our sails, 'tis freedom and the promise of a better life that raises our black flags."

Offline Charlotte Rowan

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Re: Coupla Pomes :)
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2008, 11:47:26 AM »
Thanks very much, kind sir!
Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

Offline Celestial Melody

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Re: Coupla Pomes :)
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2008, 11:28:48 AM »
Wow.  Great imagery.  Very modern work and usually I'm not overly fond of modern poetry, but these were wonderful.  *nods seriously*  Two thumbs up.

"Hard Times Café" reminds me of Austin, somewhat.  *grins*  It's actually my favorite of the two.  However, that said, "Girls' Room Graffiti" is incredibly poignant.  I think we all have urges to write things on stall walls/doors sometimes, but ... eh, usually we don't follow those impulses.  Perhaps we should?  (And risk "defacing" public property?  *grins*)  And, of course, it's like reading a story in a public restroom.  All in all, very good job on these.

« Last Edit: September 04, 2008, 11:29:52 AM by Celestial Melody »

Offline Rani Zemirah

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Re: Coupla Pomes :)
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2008, 12:32:21 PM »
Good contrast of styles, both using free verse, one almost prose, the other rebellious staccato disconnected phrases contained within a very structured pattern. I like them both, and the imagery they evoke.
Rani - Fire Goddess

Aut disce... aut discede


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