I admit it... I'm scared

[mollymishap]

Ooo!  I'm REALLY late to this thread, but better late than never!  I wanted to bring this piece up, since I've worked with folks on the receiving end of the therapy you're getting and this seemed to work for them: make sure you have someone to talk to that can *see* you regularly (weekly or couple times a month at the least), who can be objective and pick up on any warning signs earlier than you might notice them yourself (being preoccupied with your throne as you have been, your Fiery Goddesness).  It doesn't have to be a trained therapist, though that certainly helps, but just someone who knows you well enough to be able to pick up on those nasty side effects (suicidality in particular) that can sometimes be more dangerous than the meds themselves.  I don't know how often you're seing your physician, but you can also ask them about keeping track of depressive symptoms at each visit (if they're not doing so as part of your treatment protocol already), just to have another set of eyes/ears looking out for you.  Maybe you already knew all this, but in case you didn't, I thought I'd share with you.  And I'm lighting a pink candle for you in the meantime.  Why pink?  I have no idea.  It's just the color that came to me.  Does pink mean anything to you?

[Rani Zemirah]

Hi Molly,

Thanks for the candle, and the advice. I do indeed see a therapist each week, and have discussed all the possible symptoms with them, as well as my GP and my Specialist, so they've all got me under observation...  and so has everyone else around me that knows what's going on with me!  LOL  I made sure I let people know that it's possible I might not be quite myself for a while, but if I seemed really out of it to let someone know. I'm not one to suffer in silence if it could mean my life, and I know when it's time to ask for help. This thread has been a huge help to me, as well! It's amazing to receive so much loving kindness coming from so many different people, and to have so much fun with it at the same time!

Oh, and pink... the only thing I can think of is Rose quartz. It promotes healing and self love, and attracts love into a persons life... other than that? Sounds like a nice candle. Thank you! Please come in and join the circle!

[mollymishap]

Thanks for the invite!  And I brought along a sacrif gift for Your Goddessness: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjtasMLcfpg--tho perhaps his merits merit mercy?

[Rani Zemirah]

Dayum!!! If I could spin like that I might be a raver, too!!!  LOL  Although it's always better with drums instead of amplifiers.

Lovely addition to the circle, Molly, and such a thoughtful gift! I think we might have to keep this one, since he could be used as bait incentive to draw the true sacrifice!!! You know, the ones who just stand around being annoying...  I'll have to send this over to my Commander of the Sacrifice and see what he says, but I think a few more like this one could round out our little party quite nicely!

So... I've been thinking about this new gig, you know, Fire Goddess... I'm thinking I might have to garb her up and debut her sometime next season... but only if I get to design the garb for my CotS, as well...  LOL

What say you, Maelstrom... game for some new garb, maybe another new persona??? Everyone has at least one extra person inside... this could be your chance to explore that side of yourself!  LOL

Let see... I'll need a few minions... and some worshipers... and of course lots of new fabric...

[Tygrkat]

Well, I don't know about minion necessarily, but I do eat fire, and I'm definitely interested in getting the torches back out ...

...maybe a 'Femme de Flame'?... 'Lady of Lightning'?....or some suitable title to that effect...


I'd love to learn to spin fire like that someday...

[Rani Zemirah]

Woohoo!!! Even my 7y/o wants to spin fire like that!!! We're working on a set of practice poi for both of us (tennis balls don't burn you when they hit) so we can learn at the same time!

I can see I'm going to be bestowing more titles soon! Hmmmm... High Priestess Fire Eater is so completely as impressive as Fire Spinner, when it comes to titles. I'm wondering if this is going to have to go barbarian in theme, what with the drums, sacrifice, naked fire dancing... you know, that whole movie set. Imagine the garb!!! Well... for some of us, anyway...  LOLOLOL!!!

Anyone who can eat fire deserves to be High Priestess to the Fire Goddess, right??? The title is yours, if you want it, Lady Tygrkat!

[Tygrkat]

It would be an honor to take up the title of High Priestess Fire Eater 

...and I can only imagine the garb...


This website has some great info on Poi and Fire spinning,making practice poi, different spinning patterns, safety issues, etc... and you can purchase practice poi there as well {althought it's definitely less expensive to make your own!}

http://www.homeofpoi.com/

I don't spend nearly as much time there as I would like, but when I do, it's certainly inspiring {what I wouldn't do with more yardspace, spare time and some 'extra' $$...*sigh*}...and should probably be required reading for High Priestesses to the Fire Goddess 

[Lady Amy of York]

Hey girlfriend,
  Just checking in on you  to see how  you are doing?  I  appologise  that I have not checked in  this  past week,  I  was  on   a family vacation.
  Sorry  to read  that the chemo  has been  making you feel yucky.
     Hang in there hon.    I remember before  they  removed the tumor on my spine, how i had days    that i felt like  giving up, and like all hope  was  gone.
I was tired of  tests  and  treatments  and getting no answers  and  results. 
But  i  fought, and held on, and  I  am glad i  did, or  else i would  not be  around  to see  my little  boy  grow  up.
  I  know  you are a fighter, and  you  can   get thru this  too.    I  made it thru, with  the love  and  support  of my family  and  the  friends  i met  and  made  on here.     So remember whenever  you  need  a hug, or  a smile  you  have  friends  on  here.   Don't give up  !  Life  is  worth  fighting  for  !
  Hugs, and love  to you  !

[lordwriothsley]

Hey Rani sorry I am late as well getting back to you on this but like everyone else I to am checking in to see how you are doing.Like Amy said I to am sorry that the chemo has been making you feel yuck but just remember that you are an amazing woman in the eyes of everyone on here and your family as well.Hang in there and keep up fighting cause me personally I just don't know what I would do without you on here with us.You are an amazing person and it has been an honor meeting you and getting to know you.You are still in my thoughts and prayers.HUGS to you honey!

[Lady Amy of York]

Hmm...something to make  Rani  smile  and laugh...hmmm...i  got  it...  changes in  to my  other character  Captain Amy.  Goes off  to nearest tavern.  Finds  myself  a bunch  of  cute  young  lads.    Grabs  a  couple  cases  of  rum.   Goes out  to a field.   Builds  a large    fire.     Watches  as  handsome lads  take off thier  shirts.
  " Okay lads,  start dancing   ."   Grabs  video camera and  starts  video  taping  for  Rani  .

[Rani Zemirah]

It would be an honor to take up the title of High Priestess Fire Eater 

...and I can only imagine the garb...


This website has some great info on Poi and Fire spinning,making practice poi, different spinning patterns, safety issues, etc... and you can purchase practice poi there as well {althought it's definitely less expensive to make your own!}

http://www.homeofpoi.com/

I don't spend nearly as much time there as I would like, but when I do, it's certainly inspiring {what I wouldn't do with more yardspace, spare time and some 'extra' $$...*sigh*}...and should probably be required reading for High Priestesses to the Fire Goddess 

What a fun site! Lots of video so I can see what they're talking about, instead of just trying to use my imagination. I always learn better by watching than by reading!

Welcome to the circle then, High Priestess! We will be pleased to make you part of the celebration! I have other titles in mind, as well. We shall have to see who presents themselves, and in which direction their particular talents lie...

This could become lots of fun!  LOL

[Rani Zemirah]

Lady Amy and Lord W, thank you both so much for continuing to check on me, and for all your encouragement, hugs and prayers! They are what keep me going, and help me through the difficult days.

I hope you're both ready to join in the fun, though, as well... this looks to be a pretty wild party, once we get the details worked out, anyway! LOL

[Rani Zemirah]

Hmm...something to make  Rani  smile  and laugh...hmmm...i  got  it...  changes in  to my  other character  Captain Amy.  Goes off  to nearest tavern.  Finds  myself  a bunch  of  cute  young  lads.    Grabs  a  couple  cases  of  rum.   Goes out  to a field.   Builds  a large    fire.     Watches  as  handsome lads  take off thier  shirts.
  " Okay lads,  start dancing   ."   Grabs  video camera and  starts  video  taping  for  Rani  .

Oh, Captain Amy, looks like you've got talents to spare! Perhaps you might consider becoming my Chief Chronicler of the Sacrifice... ? Gotta have someone to keep the record straight, right...  LOL

[Rani Zemirah]

So... it looks like we've got the makings of quite the party! I think I might need to start keeping track of all this.

So far we have:

Fire Goddess (my thread...  LOL)
Commander of the Sacrifice - Maelstrom
High Priestess Fire Eater - Tygrkat
Chief Chronicler of the Sacrifice - Captain Amy
Divine Whip - Fairyfly
Mistress of the Revels - Lishy

I can think of lots of other titles, if anyone is interested...  LOL

(edit/update for accuracy)

[Lady Amy of York]

i accept  the appointment !