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Author Topic: ....I think I've been insulted  (Read 4007 times)

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Offline Becky10

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....I think I've been insulted
« on: May 01, 2010, 12:18:32 AM »
So I was planning on bringing two friends who have never been to faire before with me tomorrow and now I think there may only be one going. This by itself wouldn't normally upset me but the reason why does.
  There was uncertainty on if my one friend could go because her father believed that faire was a place where people "only went to get drunk and have sex"...He has never been to a faire or talked to anyone who has. I explained that this was NOT true and showed him pictures and the program from this years faire and told him that I had started going to faire when i was little, like many, and my parents would certainly not have brought me there if that was in fact true. So her parents finally calm down and believe me then today she tells me she is once again unsure and her mother has told her she may go but as long as she doesn't dress ( i had promised to bring some garb over for her to use).

  This bugged me because I know that she put this limitation because she thinks that I will put her in a revealing outfit that shows off more than she would like to see. All I could think of is so, what do you think of how I dress? I wear upperclass garb there is nothing being shown, outside of faire I wear jeans and a shirt, i don't even like wearing shorts!
 
 She has this idea that I am a moral corrupter and  I have been blamed for choices that her daughter makes that I usually find out afterwards. She has known me for 7 years an yet this is what she thinks of me? I understand its a parents right to put limitations on some of their child's actions but she doesn't have the right to use me as a scapegoat because she doesn't like that he daughter is growing up. Shes going to college for pete's sake.

  Am I crazy for feeling kind of insulted that she would believe that I would dress myself and her daughter in a suggestive manner? I did not expect this to upset me as much as it has but it has and now I am debating going garbed cause i now feel self conscious and i will not go in her house when I go to  pick her up because I will not be able to stand having to talk to her mom while she gives me the up and down.

  Sorry for the rant (and if this is in the wrong place) but i really had to share this. Faire is my place where i feel sure in what I am doing and wearing and thins really tossed a wrench in it. :P
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Offline Ferret

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Re: ....I think I've been insulted
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2010, 12:37:36 AM »
Any chance of getting the mother or father to go with ?

Might be worth the try for your friend's sake.

I know it won't be easy. But your friend might be worth it.

Ferret

Offline Becky10

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Re: ....I think I've been insulted
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2010, 12:49:26 AM »
I had thought about that but highly doubt it, they refuse to go most places, ironically its their way of letting her be an adult and do things on her own.  :-\
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Online Butch

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Re: ....I think I've been insulted
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2010, 12:55:15 AM »
They sound like my son's girlfriend's mom.  Both my son and his gf are freshmen in college, but the same suspicions are cast.

When are they adults?  Do the parents realize how much they are alienating their dau?

Offline Craigmeister

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Re: ....I think I've been insulted
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2010, 01:40:42 AM »
I would say to pick her up in your garb.  That way, her parents could see that it is not revealing or corrupting.

I faced the same disillusionment from my wife & in-laws a few years ago.  They are strong Christians & thought that there were people telling fortunes all over the place & people doing witchcraft & crap.  My wife was very relieved when she went w/ me to KCRF.  She's been to another faire w/ me but they still aren't her thing.  She & her brother's wife have been very supportive of the archer character I've created this year.  Her sis-in-law even made my shirt & vest for me.  Her other relatives still ask me stupid questions about Renfaires.  I wish I could drag them all out w/ me to a faire so they could see how they really are.

I think that you are a good influence on your friend.  If her parents don't see that now, they will over time when she gets in trouble w/ others but not you.
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Offline Merlin

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Re: ....I think I've been insulted
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2010, 07:49:08 AM »
that faire was a place where people "only went to get drunk and have sex"...

I must be at the wrong places....

Anál nathrach- Breath of serpent
Orth’ bháis ’s bethad- Spell of death and of life
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Offline Noble Dreg

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Re: ....I think I've been insulted
« Reply #6 on: May 01, 2010, 08:22:52 AM »
To each their own, let it go.  As your friend gets older she will be able to make her own choice on where to go and who to associate with.  Until then, Mom and Dad have issued a parental decree.  They are ignorant about "faire", but if they have strong feelings about public drunkenness and exposed cleavage that's their right to express it to their daughter.

Conservative folk tend to view "faire" with a jaundiced eye just as "faire" folk tend to view typical conservative functions with disdain.

Until we all can accept the rights of others to engage in activities they enjoy we are not going to have true freedom to do as we wish...That includes accepting those who may disagree with what we do.  It's not an insult, they do not agree with your choice, their right, their loss.

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Offline LadyShadow

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Re: ....I think I've been insulted
« Reply #7 on: May 01, 2010, 09:07:45 AM »
I am truly sorry to hear of this happening.  I had been in the same situation before.  I was blamed for my friends decisions and it was a while before they would let her go any where with my with out one of our parents there.  And even then it was still limited on where she was allowed to go.  But my problem got solved over time.  Her parents realized, after some time, I wasnt leading her down a path of wrong and started to trust us both more.
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Offline Just Randall

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Re: ....I think I've been insulted
« Reply #8 on: May 01, 2010, 11:07:06 AM »
Jeez, I can't WAIT for Hate City's documentary "Huzzah!" to finally be released so we can deal with all these simple minded buffoons once and for all...
Mediocrity is the refuge of the unimaginative...

Offline Rapier Half-Wit

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Re: ....I think I've been insulted
« Reply #9 on: May 01, 2010, 12:44:03 PM »
Unfortunitly CaptFletcher, truth and facts be @#$%ed, people are going to believe what they want to believe. Whether the facts support it or not.

A fact that I've learned about the human race (in general) is that we make decisions based on emotion and then use logic to justify it. Whether we are talking about sheets and towels or politics and religion or renaissance festivals. When they decide to change their minds, they will. And not a second sooner. In the mean time, I'd suggest trying not to waste too much mental and emotional time on it, and spend that time doing what makes you happiest and gives you the most satisfaction. Otherwise you are just giving someone else power and control over your life and you miss out.

Life rule #3:
People will do what they want to do.

And the inverse rule:
People don't do what they don't want to do.
If her eyes aren't sparkling, you didn't do it right...

Offline Blue66669

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Re: ....I think I've been insulted
« Reply #10 on: May 01, 2010, 03:28:05 PM »
Oh, honey.... I've been the scapegoat for many years. For some reason, a friend starts to show a little independence, and the parents blame me...

*like I'm a bad influence or something*

So, I figure, if they're going to believe me to be bad, I'm gonna be baaaaad.
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Offline Becky10

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Re: ....I think I've been insulted
« Reply #11 on: May 01, 2010, 10:43:47 PM »
 So my friend did come, out of garb and we watched a ton of Broon, Moonie and Manly Men in Tights.  We had a really great time and shes pretty sure she wants to come again next year, by then i would hope she has a little more freedom. When i went to her house to pick her up, in my garb, her mother just went upstairs when I came in, oh well what can you do(that attitude is what insulted me, not that they were being restrictive).

 During a couple of times today that i shied away from what i would normally do or say I kinda came to a realization. With her mom's behavior I am just going to have to remind myself i am her daughter's friend not hers and she can look at me however she wants cause i know who i am.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on

Offline Rapier Half-Wit

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Re: ....I think I've been insulted
« Reply #12 on: May 01, 2010, 11:10:46 PM »
Well done you. That's the attitude to have.
If her eyes aren't sparkling, you didn't do it right...

Offline Blushing

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Re: ....I think I've been insulted
« Reply #13 on: May 02, 2010, 12:06:06 AM »
I kinda wonder if my parents had the same thoughts ... or at least thoughts in that direction when I started working at the faire (Yep, So.Cal. Renaissance Pleasure Faire).  I brought them to faire one day, and despite a few rough spots, they realized why I enjoy it so much.  Meeting some of my friends - fairemily - clinched it.  My friends made it abundantly clear that we all look out for each other.

Good luck, and keep up the upbeat attitude!
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Offline Lady Neysa

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Re: ....I think I've been insulted
« Reply #14 on: May 02, 2010, 11:52:32 AM »
I know this is after the fact, and I'm glad things sort of worked out, but how old is your friend anyway?  You said she was in college..is she not 18 yet?  If not, then she must be getting close, and the parents need to loosen the apron strings a bit.  If she is already 18, even if she lives at home, they need to realize she's an adult and let her make her own choices.  It's not like she's trying to run off and commit a crime for pete's sake. Even if the parents believe faire is bad, that's their problem, not hers or yours.   

 

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